First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

Oh @Catconfusion I’m so so sorry. That is the worst news. You must be so upset. But at least you are on to the next cycle now and as you say, you can enjoy a bday drink. I’m sure this was just a fluke and next time things will go to plan. Thinking of you xxx.

I’m also not having any luck tbh and my bding session is getting farther and farther away from O :(. Having a weird looking chart and the EWCM doesn’t seem to be lining up with the temps (but I’ve been up all night the past few days and not in a really good, healthy rhythm). Just waiting for DH to get back and to move on to the next cycle.

@Catconfusion it sounds like a blip after the two MCs. Our bodies are adjusting. Mind, my mum had 3 MCs and a stillbirth before me and was sure she was not ovulating...then here I am, unplanned! Keeping my fingers crossed for you next month and will also be raising a glass of gin (even though it's not my birthday this month, but I'll have it anyway) to you

I'm actually not as sad as I thought I'd be @sadtoday21. At least my body realised and shut this cycle down on day 43. If I had ovulated it would have dragged on through my long LP and even then no chances it would have worked. I'm so sorry no O for you. It seems to be hovering which is good but balanced hormones equals stable temps so can't be far off. When is DH back?

Thanks @MrsMGE It's just so weird as the two cycles after my mmc were both ovulatory and then this, its got worse. As you say probably a blip and maybe my body just sorting itself out for next time. Thanks for the glass raise. Turning 40 feels a bit sad after all this as I'd never planned to become a Mum in my 40s but I guess plenty of people do. I'm so sorry for what your Mum went through too. I guess if she hadn't you wouldn't be here. XX

Thank you @Catconfusion. That's probably true, although my mum still paid a high price for all this stress and she's ended up being depressed. That's also why I'm so determined to keep everyone's spirits up, including my own, it's terrible what years of TTC heartbreak can do to you and your relationships with people. How I wish all the people wanting children had them easily and those who don't want them never had to worry, wouldn't the world be more round, rather than square like it is now?

But we'll all get there, let's keep trying

Your poor Mum. I can imagine it was horrendous and probably not as much support as there is nowadays.

I guess at least you've seen how damaging it can be and are actively avoiding that path. No one should have to battle to be a Mum if that's what they want. Nature is a wonderful thing but it has its flaws. I know to some extent its to guarantee healthy offspring but I'm sure the stress of the process can actually prevent it from happening.

My Nan always said miscarriages and losing babies was common in her day but not really talked about. She was one of 6 kids, her Mum had many losses and a baby buried in the garden. I guess maybe contraception and having smaller families masks the brutal reallity of baby loss less obvious. Maybe science will have the answer one day. xx

@Catconfusion so sorry no O this cycle but on to the next one and a fresh start for you! A chance to try again ♥️

@MrsMGE I think you’re defo right about keeping spirits up, this whole process can be consuming! I’m trying to keep myself busy! My fertile window should start next weekend so looking forward to trying again ♥️

@Kiki061190 Thank you ❤️ I was always dreading that baby loss would happen to me too after watching her, and it has now. That or never being able to conceive were the two things I was scared of most in life.

But I'm still here, I survived. And I won't give up cause I want to be a good, healthy mum to my children one day. They'll know about their sibling, but I don't want to have MH issues that will affect my relationship with them. As long as I have a choice, I will choose to hope for the best ❤️

That’s a really great attitude @Catconfusion and you are totally right. I have to keep telling myself that even when I am Oing nice and early and bding at exactly the right time (like last month) it still didn’t happen. So it is really out of our control. I hate that! But it also means we shouldn’t worry about it either way (easier said than done, I know all too well). It’s all just luck really - baby Russian roulette!

Thanks for your insight on my chart. I think it’s odd now that I have seven days of EWCM and no confirmed O. I’m wondering if it’s possible that I have but don’t yet have enough data on my chart to show it? Probably wishful thinking!

@sadtoday21 you’re so right about it being baby roulette! You’ve had so many days of EWCM!!! I only get a tiny amount maybe the day before O. You could have O’d cause your temperature is up now!

Hi ladies here to join you if I may

I lost our 4th baby on Monday 10th June at 8 weeks. Had started spotting on the Friday and went for a private scan on Saturday. Baby was okay and heartbeat was seen but something just told me it wasn’t right I didn’t think it was fast enough. They tried to reassure me but call it mothers instinct I was right. By Sunday I was full on bleeding and in pain. Passed the baby on the Monday fully intact in the sac. Had a hard time coming to terms with it as it’s the first time I’ve ever had anything that resembled a pregnancy. Still struggling to be honest. But I’m not sure about the road I’m stepping back into. We tried for six years and had 3 losses in the first year. After five years of nothing we finally had ICSI after discovering a male infertility issue and had our twins who are now six next month. So this pregnancy wasn’t planned as we thought it could never happen naturally so we were content with what we had they are a miracle to us.

And then it happened and actually couldn’t believe it, for it then to be taken away so so cruel. I now feel totally thrust back into this TTC road because that feeling of contentment is gone. And now I’m here.

I’m not sure it will ever happen again maybe it was a stroke of luck but I have to try. I’ve been using OPKs every day since I stopped bleeding 3 days later and it turned positive last Sunday only one week after? Not sure if that’s even possible but we went straight for it. So I’m maybe on 6dpo time will only tell I suppose. Anyway sorry for the long post and I hope it all works out everyone here and I’m so so sorry for your losses ❤️

@Catconfusion oh happy birthday! And definitely have a few drinks 😄 I'm trying to enjoy myself now when I 'can' to not get too consumed by just waiting for O or period!

It's definitely taking my mind off things more than to just sitting at home thinking about it all the time.

@Ginmonkey84 so sorry for your loss 😔 hopefully you can try again soon as it was a natural miscarriage which I always hear is 'better' than surgery..

@Ginmonkey84 so sorry for your loss! I hope you find some comfort on this thread, all the ladies on here have been such a source of support for me! ♥️

Thanks ladies looks like I’m ovulating and it wasn’t as I thought last week, got another positive yesterday evening but a huge positive this morning and cramping. Had tons of EWCM yesterday evening and managed to DTD last night before hubby went away for work. Hope it’s enough as he won’t be home for a couple of days. Can only hope I’ve enough swimmers there waiting and we catch it x

@Ginmonkey84 that’s good timing for BDing so I wouldn’t worry! My OH has told me he’s taking me for a surprise weekend away this weekend so we get lots of alone time. That’ll be the start of my 5 day fertile window so hoping we can get some BDing in!

Hey ladies 🖐

I started spotting lightly on 5th june and obviously panicked and all of a sudden it hit me that actually my boobs had gone from being agony to just being a bit sore when I took my bra off at night. I hadn't really noticed because they still felt a bit sore and just assumed it was ok.. anyway once I got the light spotting I went to the out of hours GP - which btw is a total waste of time - she did a test for me and came bouncing back into the room after about 30 seconds to tell me it was negative as if it was the news I wanted to hear, but after being left for 2 mins it showed positive. Anyway, told me to go to my own GP the next day, which I did, and was referred to the EPAU. Turns out u can self refer to them so going to GP isn't really worth it and just wasted time 🤷‍♀️
An early scan was arranged for the 7th of june and they couldn't have been nicer and were really supportive but didnt fill my head with any false hope either. She told me that for being 7 weeks I was only measuring about 5.
I had come off the pill at the end of Feb and had only had 2 periods but they were both on a 28/29 day cycle but just knew that the measurement difference wasnt down to miscalculation.
Obviously from the minute I saw the spotting I was stressed out my head and after the scan I was told to expect to miscarry which is really distressing and upsetting, however we did feel that because we now knew what to expect it was a massive relief and we could start to grieve.
I started to bleed heavily on the 8th june which came with a lot of pain and lasted about 6 days.
I bought some really cheap pregnancy tests (well dont want to spend much on a test that's going to tell me I'm not pregnant 🤷‍♀️) and got a negative test on 17th june.
I havent gone down the route of doing ovulation kits etc as I'd worry I'd get obsessed by it and really dont want to get stressed about it... but I think I ovulated on 21st/22nd of june... so going by the day I first started heavily bleeding I'd have been about day 14ish.
Really hoping we might be one of the lucky ones and fall pregnant again this cycle 🤞🤞🤞
As much as having a miscarriage is so upsetting and gutting, we are so ready for a baby. It was the plan from when I came off the pill and that hasn't changed.
I had read a comment from someone before that is so true.. years ago we would never have known so early that we were pregnant. U would be told to wait a couple of missed periods to be more sure. People that miscarried at 5,6,7 weeks would never have even known they were pregnant but now we can test so accurately and so early its can be like torture when we go from pregnant one week to not pregnant the next

Anyway, just wanted to share my story because I had spent the last few weeks reading so many different threads and it's so good and reassuring to hear everyones stories! Xx

@Ginmonkey84 I’m so sorry for your loss and that you finding yourself here, but welcome to the group. I understand your desperation to be pregnant again - I also had an mmc at 12 weeks in February (partial molar), then an early mc the next month. I still haven’t gotten pregnant since then and feeling also pretty sad about it at times. I hope you find some comfort here xxx.

@bananamonkey how’s are you doing these days?

@3204ECL and @Amanda81 how are the pregnancies going? Hope all is well xxx.

@Catconfusion hope AF isn’t too painful and that you have a nice birthday celebration next week.

Well it looks like I o’d yesterday on cd17, so my bd session on cd12 is really far off the mark :(. DH still away so really looking like no hope this month.

Hi @sadtoday21 thanks for asking, I haven’t been able to get on MN the last week for some reason and am on holiday now. Sorry haven’t been able to catch up on everything that’s been posted recently and welcome to the new posters, sorry you find yourself here but there’s some great advice and support.

Not really sure what’s going on with me, temperatures were going down nicely overall and I got a flashing smiley on CD15 which is a few days earlier than last month, then had a static smiley already today on CD17 when I only got one after 7 days last time, was t expecting it till the weekend. Not much EWCM though which I usually get bang on the day. Think today’s temperature maybe off as I didn’t sleep with the noisy rain and got up for a bit about 4am but didn’t test till 7am.

Hope everyone’s well, will catch up later in the week x

Things have really hit me in the last three days. I'd desperately like to feel OK or even as I was last week (which was much better), but literally don't know what to do anymore 😔

I’m so sorry @MrsMGE in my experience there’s been peaks, troughs and sometimes I’ve just feel ok but just a bit numb.

Just take each day as it comes. If you feel bad it’s ok and plenty of reasons why. All you can do is find things that make you feel better, even if it’s just a tiny bit. You’re strong and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better soon! Xx

@Catconfusion thank you 😘 I wish I could see the end of this sadness somewhere on the horizon, but alas it doesn't seem to work this way 😓

I know, it’s so hard. I’ve had some dark times too. Literally couldn’t see a future for myself which is sad 6 months after married my amazing DH and moving into our lovely home. Depression makes it impossible to see the wonderful things already in your life and have hope about being a Mum one day. The hormones also don’t help with the sadness. It’s more than likely a reactive depression to what’s happened and it will get better with time. If it’s gets worth go and see your doctor. Please know you’re not alone and life can change very quickly! Xx

I think of myself that I'm a mum already... just a mum in a very dark place at the moment 😔

@MrsMGE I can see why you feel that way. I just feel like I’m still pregnant. It’s this strange limbo. It’s impossible to focus on other things. That’s the cruel thing about miscarriage compared with infertility: it was happening and now it’s not. Getting back to what it was like before feels impossible. I don’t feel like the same person. Maybe it’s a case of accepting the new me and everything I’ve learnt about this horrible experience. Xx

@Catconfusion I've started thinking like a mother as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. Now I've lost my baby, but it was still my baby, so I am a mother. If we lost our 20 or 30 year old children, we'd still be mothers not childless women. I personally don't see the difference.

I am also really struggling with the "it's not happening anymore" side of things. It feels awfully empty now, we've lost something so important that we were looking forward to so much. It's just so hard.

I don't like the person I am right now cause I don't feel like myself. I would accept that there's a part of me that has forever been changed by what's happened, but at the moment I feel it's affected me to the core and not in a good way. Just don't know where I'm going anymore. Xx