Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 28 - Tests, Treatments, Trying again, Trying to stay sane and most of all TREMENDOUS support!

[Kazz2112]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2416801-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-27-Tests-Treatments-and-Trying-Again?

Hi ladies

This is my first post to the thread, but have been lurking for a little while. You seem like such a lovely supportive bunch and it's been really helpful to peek in every now and then and know others are having similar experiences to me.

I'm 34 and my husband is 33. TTC since august last year and we've had 3 miscarriages this year, all at 5 or 5.5 weeks. Last miscarriage was in May and we saw the recurrent miscarriage consultant just over two weeks ago. Feeling really frustrated atm as I'm currently ovulating and our consultant told us we'd have the blood results 2 weeks after the appointment, but when I phoned her secretary this week to check was told the results only came back this week, the same day that the consultant went on leave for 2 weeks. I don't begrudge her a holiday but am just feeling a bit fed up. Dh and I agreed we'd wait for the results to start TTC again but this is the longest break we've had and really want to get cracking again while at the same time feeling terrified about starting all over again. My brain just won't let me relax either way!

Barking** i'm meeting the girls i was a holiday rep with 15 years ago for a teunion on saturday or i'd find a way down too, but i don't see us ever meeying up again since it's taken 15 years this time! Xxx

Sasha**...another back2back? Hope this isn't a pattern. I wonder how many of us on here with a dc and now rmc had a difficult labour or birth.

Another back2back here too! Apparently it isn't counted as a "traumatic birth" although my consultant did agree that it is blooming painful. Thank good for epidurals!

Not 'traumatic' for the baby, maybe!

Oh she was happy as Larry and in no rush (3 days!) she also came elbow first just to add to the misery!

I had back to back too interestingly. They put me on the drip that makes you contract like a mofo and wouldn't allow me any painkillers, even took away my gas and air would you believe! Left me chomping on just the mouthpiece. It was physically the most traumatically painful thing I've ever been through but I would do it all again in a heart beat if it would give me a healthy baby at the end

I wasn't back to back but was also elbow first like girlie. Birth plan was no induction, birthing pool and little/no pain relief/hypnobirthing techniques. Reality was full induction, born 42+5 after 3 day labour in medicalised room with epidural and forceps. But none of that mattered!

Plenty of treats before test day March! The two days before I'm staying with a (male) friend and his young daughter. I don't want to be any more of an emotional mess than I will be anyway at the end of a rather critical 2ww!

Bumble/freckle very sweet of you, but I'll probably be testing early in the morning, really needs to be a sleepover! It's 8th August, just entered the 2ww... I can go to a friend's house straight afterwards, but due to childcare and caring for her father she can't come to me - so it would be a 5.5 hour drive, potentially in tears...

sasha I'm so sorry for the total lack of empathy from your sister . Don't feel pressured into seeing her or the baby sooner than you want, put yourself and your own sanity first.

Welcome forest, I agree waiting sucks. One of the things I'm most bitter about is not realising how long you have to wait for everything on the nhs. If it had even crossed my mind that we might be where we are now over 3.5 years after we started ttc #1 I'd have gone private after the first year. If we were male factor infertility I would have had ivf 2.5 years ago. Because we're 'unexplained' they make you jump through all the cheaper routes first, meaning I was 32 when we started and 36 now .
Sorry, that was supposed to be a friendly welcome but I ended up climbing onto my soapbox .

I feel like I should share stories of my own birth as I can't contribute to the birthing plan conversation at all!

Oh barking lovely, I have everything crossed for you and feel hopeful that one day not too far from now you will have your own birth story - I mean of your own baby!

Like the others, I wish I could come and offer you some RL support when you test. We will all be here in the ether though, offering what we can.

Re the cervix thing, (m/w suggssted 3 erpc's may be an issue but I am not so sure) I have another scan booked tomorrow (14 wks). As I joined their research in the epu, the lovely Dr offered scans whenever I feel the need. I feel spoilt, but anxiety ramping up again despit strong symptoms continuing. I think she looks at cervix as part of her research so I will ask her.

Also as an FYI - at my booking in, the mw said at 41 (42 at due date) I was a spring chicken, and these days she is more surprised by the 21 year olds she sees.

Have somewhat got behind, still reading but not always able to catch up with all x

Barking oh no that's not good none of your friends are about what about your mum or any family? We will all be here waiting for you, you're not alone. I think after all this you deserve the best most easiest birth.

Yomping your birth with Dd sounds idyllic until they found that merconium, just goes to show how can you plan really for the unexpected?! Think mine will be as freckle said: to both get out alive! If I'm ever lucky enough to have another I'm opting for elective c sect for sure! Least won't be knackered before hand then.

Forest welcome here and sorry for your losses. You've found a good thread here everyone is so knowledgeable and supportive, really helped me keep sane. Which RMC did you go too? How annoying they've buggered off on hol leaving you waiting even longer! Time is of the essence isn't it and it's like two weeks wasted. You are still young, but I know what you mean when you just want to know and get on with it.

Oh Sasha I was wondering how you got on. How awful for you, it sounds very very hard specially given its your sister and was same due date. How selfish of her to not be sympathetic to your feelings. But then unless you've experienced this I don't think anyone can possibly understand it. That doesn't make it any easier though, I've been very upset by people's reactions and had similar thing with pg friend fri night, which left me feeling shit all yesterday. I hope your sister can come to her senses and out of her own happy bubble to try and understand your situation. People are so bloody wrapped up in their own lives aren't they. Big hugs xx

Bootles very reassuring to hear what your mw said

Welcome forest, so sorry you have to be here but glad you've found us. How utterly frustrating that the consultant has gone away just at the wrong time for you. I found when i got back to ttc after the enforced break i was glad i'd had a break, although at the time it was torture! I hope time passes quickly for you.

sasha, so sorry you've had such a horrid time with your sister. That must have been extremely difficult to deal with. I do get the whole pregnancy bubble that people like to hide themselves in so they don't have to think about any worries around them, but it does sound like she's being particularly thoughtless. So hard when it's not someone you can just avoid. I hope it gets easier for you once you are pg again (next month )

Your sister sounds like she lost her empathy chip, sasha**. Friends are bad enough but a sister must be particular hard to deal with. There are a few others on here who have really struggled with sisters too. I don't know what it is but pregnant women are worse than brides sometimes. We must not impose our pain, we must not burst their bubble, we must not be a physical reminder of what can happen. I am not jealous of pregnant women but it seems like we are offensive to them!!!

sasha sorry you had that experience with your sister. Some people forget about empathy and unfortunately never truly understand unless they've been there too.

bootles thinking of.you for tomorrow. Let us know how the scan goes and what they say about the cervix.

It's our first wedding anniversary end of August and I'm desperately trying to think of what to get DH. And sad and disappointed that it should have been a new addition to our family. Feel like nothing can replace that.
We dtd today for the first time since erpc and it was emotional, but nice to connect again. Desperately wanting our test results back so I know whether we can ttc or not. I may ring and chase them this week, but I'm also a little bit scared of the results.

Bootles nothing wrong with being spoilt! Especially if the extra care and reassurance could be the key to success.

Emerald My mother is useless, she rarely remembers to ask about scans or anything even when I've told her when they are. And she's still got my dad to visit in hospital and my two young brothers and the other three siblings (all with special needs). I'm not exactly a priority. Useless isn't the right word, just useless to me as she's got so much else going on. Only other family is my brother, who doesn't really do emotional support. Driving down to south Wales to see my friend is looking like the best plan right now, but not sure I can face the drive. If it's good news I'll be fine, but I don't seem to able to think that positively, I'm more just scared of how I'll cope if it's bad. I should really just man up and stop thinking about it. Worse case scenario I just go to bed and cry all day. Won't be the first time in this ttc journey!

Mrsb all key dates are tainted with that thought of how they could be different. I'm already planning to run away and hide from Christmas for yet another year.
Fingers crossed your results come through soon and you're good to go again .

barking hugs to you too. I wish at least one of us lived close by to you to come hand hold.
I'm hoping Christmas is a celebration for you this year with a nice bfp and baby jumping on your bladder :)
We've already decided to.go to friends - I can drink and cry all I want if I have to and they're ok with that. DH family is away and mine are all in Australia.

I somehow missed that you have a scan tomorrow bootles. Hand holding for you xx

Hi all
Happy to find you (reading the posts are support)
Had awful times with MCs
First was blighted ovum in 2009
Then 16 + weeks normal pg
Then failed IVF in 2012
Then spontaneous pregnancy MC at 8 weeks did not grow beyond 6
Then transfered embryos resulted in BFP but MC at 6 weeks
Then assisted pregnancy with clomid, 2 scans which were perfect and then came the devastating news at 11+ weeks on the 16/7 which showed 11 weeks measurement but no heart beat ???????? ERCP Tuesday
I'm currently 42 and husband 45
Had hard time TTC and feels completely devastated
Happy to hear about the good scan news for the girls and I really feel how the others and what they went through
My best wishes for all

Losttherythym happy you have found us here. So so sorry to read what you have been through, it's been very hard for you. I hope you can find some help here, everyone is fantastic on here. Xx

lost come in and make yourself at home, I can't imagine that journey. Are you ttc #1? What tests have you had?

Onestep2015
Thanks. It's been hard but I am sure I can find some comfort in here. Will continue to read and post.
Thanx

Barking
Thanx dear
The only test I didn't have is the uNK. Does Coventry do that? I did have the hystrescope but with the ERPC which may not be that reliable. I don't know what to do. I feel when you are at my age doctors give up on you and you should push them to do tests. Really frustrated and depressed. This time I asked my GP to refer me to see a consultant as I classified myself as high risk pregnancy. I saw the midwife who suggested that I should have clexane as > 3 MC and age risk. Then didn't hear from hospital and the only app I got after 26 weeks. I felt as if they are saying" see the consultant if you managed to go on with your pregnancy this far" which didn't happen, so annoyed, talked to the GP before getting the bad news. I just feel paralysed and mentally blocked.