Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 27 - Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

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Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2404797-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-26-tests-treatment-and-trying-again

That's so true Onestep for me the 3 MC I had were all different in ways. Some friends who were fab last time just weren't really there in the same way this time. Very hard telling family when you wanted to be telling them happy news a few weeks later. I don't think my mum really understands as she's not been through it and only had me, so can't see why I want another one. It's all just so bloody hard and horrible.

My 12wk scan would've been weds, and instead it's just another letter I've hidden in a drawer because it's too painful to get it out and throw it away. ????

Mrsb a holiday next week will be just what you need. Must be very hard not having your mum there.

Last time - I was a bit harsh with some 'fair weather' friends. But looking back, they proved themselves to not be there when it mattered, not only through the mc. I understand it can be emotionally draining on those around us too. One person sent me a cranky text telling me I was being rude and ignoring her. Oh, sorry, the week of my erpc. Anyway, I learnt.

Everyone's experience is different, and I think its great on this thread how we all support, and don't judge.

emerald I had an appointment letter come through Friday. Put it away with my 6 week scan picture and everything else.

emerald I've still got my NHS free prescription card attached the letter it came on two days after I came out of the hospital. I was meant to send it back ages ago but can't seem to do it yet. Things like that and appointment letters are sad reminders aren't they. X

MrsB I couldn't speak to my mum for days after our bad 12 week scan - had to get DH to do it as I just couldn't speak. I know it hurt her but it was the only way I could keep functioning for DD. do whatever you need. I have a box with all pregnancy and mc related materials from my losses. I can't throw anything away either.

thorn fx for tomorrow, thinking of you.

There are sad reminders everywhere you look. I spent all day going through paperwork (have a week off), found all scan letters and maternity forms from the midwife from my 10 wk appointment from my 2nd mmc. Turn in the TV and there are babies on the ads. People just don't realise how tormented we are.

My mum has gradually learnt about what I actually go through, just as I have gradually increased my knowledge of miscarriage bit by bit over time. She also had my sister and I in her late twenties. My mother is one of 9 children (large Irish farming family) my father also one of nine children (large Irish/London family!) miscarriage just doesn't feature in either family over those years. But then I think perhaps my grandmothers did have the odd mc and not realise it at the time. We know so much, so early on these days. I think it's a good positive thing. Knowledge is power, but also overloading for the mind especially at a time when our bodies are coping with massive change.

My mum experienced 2 mcs very early in her marriage, and had cried many tears with me. Bless her, she sends the most beautiful messages and always seem to know when I need that little extra faith.
Hoping that she'll get to come over next year sometime and see me as a mum.

Night ladies. Will check in tomorrow with you all. Thankyou for the hand holding today

Re DTD timing and old sperm, it's not my theory and really hope it's wrong, I only got it from someone else on this thread? Just can't remember who said it and from where it came.

Most of my pregnancies have been from DTD in advance of ovulation. Whether I should be worried that this is a factor in the number of MC or not I don't know. I'm older, I''m heavier, I have somehow got the positive lupus anti coagulant, so know it's not just one thing I can blame.

Glen and March hope you are both doing ok tonight.

Freckle fingers crossed for when you crack open the clearblue. I've never got on with those as well, not as sensitive as I need. For ds1 it took until 20dpo for me to get a BFP on one, have used frer ever since.

Mrs b hope you recover well and Mr b keeps up the tlc.

One step you are doing better than me re talking to people. I can't bring myself to tell anyone when I am pregnant other than DH, the hospital and you lot. My family haven't a clue what we have been through and I want to keep it that way. I don't want the boys knowing, and so if everyone else doesn't know then they can't ask me how I am and risk me collapsing in tears.

Thanks to the boots offer, I am POAS like mad. Just did my second frer of today, and the line is stronger than this morning when I'd used FMU. It's just visible on a photo now

Hoping to get the Clexane and progesterone tomorrow, sodding GP didn't have any in stock. If they had just told me that this morning I would have driven over to Worcester but by the time they told me, it was too late as I wouldn't have got back home in time to collect the boys from nursery. But they want to show me how to inject and can't book me in until 5.15pm, and the boys eat their tea then and home 15 mins from GP, and I don't want the boys with me to avoid any chance of them knowing. So am hoping to collect in the morning instead and get DH to inject as hoping he will remember how to inject them, as I had to have them for a week after giving birth both times and he did the honours.

Sorry bit of a me rant coming on... Just suddenly felt very down and cried which took me by surprise as was just thinking I'm doing ok. Had forgotten that little things can trigger you off. Think it was seeing 8mth pregnant friend yesterday at a birthday party then another friend today with a 11wk old who I held. Thought I was fine, but think it's all catching up with me now.
Sorry know we are all in it some worse than others, but just felt abit alone for minute there.

emerald/Mrsb/MrsC/onestep/Minnie I'm having a similar trigger point experience right now. All my teacher friends and former colleagues are in their last week before the holidays and all I can think of is how this time last year I was off sick with the last mc and visiting school to say goodbye to my class, who I felt like I'd just abandoned without giving them reason . Can't shake the low feelings this week, think it's just the build up to dh leaving next week.

Hope everyone is feeling brighter in the morning .

Emerald you aren't alone. We are all here for you.

I was at my sisters BBQ all day on Sat. Both my mums and my brother-in-laws mum birthdays. Little people galore there... My 2 yr twin niece and nephew, my six wk old niece, my brother-in-laws six month old and five other young children. I held my baby niece for hours and was also handed the six month old to hold for a while. I had moments of, oh everyone here knows we've miscarried and everyone's handing me their babies to hold and then other moments of just numbing out what me and DH have been through and just getting on with enjoying holding my new niece. Still it's strange when I was watching everyone just getting on with their children. Never ever imagined it would be me sitting there childless.
I have found it very straining at times having to explain to family and friends that I've miscarried again and again, but I do feel I have gained more and more support from people and places I would never have expected which has been really heart warming and strengthening. I understand everybody has different coping mechanisms. Strength and love to you all on here. Xxx

Just checking in before bed (like I will sleep). Bleeding paused for the afternoon but back now darker and clotty. Looks like mc4.

Hugs to all for your support today, feeling so so helpless/hopeless,

barking I used to be low days before DH was due to fly to Europe for various 'waste of time and company money' so called meetings/jollies. It would ALWAYS be scheduled right at ttc time. The anger, frustrations and tears were overwhelming and we would end up arguing just before he was for to fly which was just flipping awful. It's not what I wanted to do to him or be like and I felt incredibly guilty when he returned, so awful to have to deal with.

Just sending you massive hugs, thinking of you and sending you strength to see this through. We can all surprise ourselves how strong we can be when we need to be. Xxx

Sorry to be brief and to those not mentioned:

barking sending you strength - you have loads already I know, but still. You are going to make it through this time when your dh is away.

mrsb hugs, take the time you need to recover.

emerald and everyone else feeling low, big hugs. Emotions catch us unawares sometimes, and so many triggers everywhere.

march and flen, oh lovlies I am crossing everything for you both.True indeed that it's not over yet, but that awful sinking feeling of despair is sort of unavoidable for us I think. flen you're not in London are you? There's an epu (at uch) who will see anyone off the street and scan- so I am told. Or could you go to Coventry and be seen sooner? Willing and hoping you both on, big hugs and hand holds xxx

Flen I hope you are wrong. Try and get some decent sleep. Big hugs xx

Flen I'm so sorry you're going through this stress, I hope you manage some sleep .

Thinking of you tomorrow for your scan Thorn (have I remembered that right?)

Thanks for all the support ladies, I'm sure I'll cope when the time comes. Right now I'm dealing with flashbacks to this time last year, waiting for news on my dad, worrying about dh going away and trying not to stress about the timing of the ivf transfer (currently predicted to be bang in the middle of a long weekend I'm taking both my little brothers to a festival to give my mum a break) and trying not to be angry about being a year after the last mc without a sniff of a bfp....
Woo needles on Weds, I'll come out all chilled out again .

Mrsb* yes you do learn who your real friends are at times like these don't you, and that's another thing that's hard to deal with too. Must be very painful having the scan pics too and then putting them away, I'm fortunate in a way that I didn't have that at least.

Minnie that's harsh, can totally understand not being able to send it back yet. Yes very sad reminders.

Onestep that's really hard, I hope it didn't set you back finding all these papers, so upsetting and after your day on Saturday too, things like that always seem so surreal don't they. But you are right you also find support in places you didn't expect you would which is so lovely. Thank you, I'm so glad I've found you all on here, don't know what I'd have done otherwise,

Barking it's very tough when things remind you of what's happening a year ago, and added to that your DH going away, certain times of year are cruel reminders too,

Flen* big hugs to you, it's such a worry but really hoping it's not for you.

Bootles*thank you,
*
Night ladies and thank you for your support tonight, you are all amazing xx

Just quickly...
Flen, my heart sank when i read your message just then - i am holding onto hope for you. I can feel that feeling of fear and dread so accutely when reading your messages - am with you, so want this to be a false alarm for you xx

So sorry to hear so many struggling last night. I hope things seem brighter today and that you have all had some sleep.

thorn, good luck for the scan today

flen thinking of you today. I'm so sorry things are looking so bleak. I really hope you've just had a little haematoma or something but we all know that fear so very well and my heart was in my throat when i read that you had more bleeding. This is all so fucking unfair. Big hugs to you. X

Onestep and emerald I know the feeling. I got to work yesterday to a surprise visit of a colleague and her newborn. I think it was the surprise as I have visited newborns since my first MC and been fine but yesterday not so much!
I am so sorry Flen. I hope you get some answers, the not knowing is awful xx

march how is the spotting this morning?

flen any more bleeding?

I so very very much want it to be OK for you both. For what it's worth, I always get loads of cramping up to about week 8 or 9 (Inc with ds). Sending strength and make it be OK vibes.

thorn good luck for today, hand holding.

I'm up for my 12wk scan today. Feeling terrified. I dont know how I am going to get through it. Managed to have a bad dream whereby something horrible and specific was found, then another dream where I accidentally found myself miles away at the time of the appointment so they said I had to reschedule. Just what I didn't need.

Oh, and I resigned yesterday. Scary days all round.

Good luck for your scans today bootles and thorn.

Thinking of you flen, like March says, I really hope it is a haematoma or something explainable which doesn't mean mc.

Hope your spotting has calmed down march.

Big hugs to all those struggling at the moment. I've too been in that position where I thought I was coping ok, then just starting roaring my eyes out. Just know it's normal and you're not alone.

Wow bootles, congratulations on taking the plunge and resigning and best of luck with your future business plans. And so much luck today for the scan. Fingers crossed after this one you can start to relax a little more.

I've not had any more spotting since yesterday evening, so head is firmly stuck back in the sand. New worry is the lack of progress on the ic, which haven't changed much in the 2 days since I've done one. Really hoping it will show some progress in another 2 days. Af is due today so by the end of the day i will count myself as official. 4wks today. Only another 36 to go!!

Good luck with scans bootles and thorn

march glad the spotting has stopped and flen I'm keeping everything crossed you're ok too xx