Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 27 - Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[BumbleBee0]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2404797-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-26-tests-treatment-and-trying-again

Minnie & bumble I'm considering taking a few days off around when I know the end of the cycle will be so I can go and stay with a friend. I have to be home for the official test date as they do a blood test at the clinic, but I could test a day early with my friend there, and then drive back home crying to be at the clinic the next day.

Great news flen .

Thorn I'm so, so sorry it looks like bad news again . Look after yourself . Are you going to go to epu tomorrow?

Thanks barking. Will call GP tomorrow but you need a referral for epu here and I know from experience that they won't refer till 6 weeks. Will have to hold on till Tues if bleeding doesn't start properly before that.

Welcome mrsB. I'm so sorry for your losses, it is heartbreaking. I hope you find plenty of support here. X

Oh thorn I'm so sorry, I really hope this isn't it but I can understand wanting to prepare yourself for the worst. Keep us updated, thinking if you x

Oh Thorne I'm gutted for you xx but yes you are right, testing after this.

Barking we are behind you all the way, it's been so shit for you, but we are always here.

Bumble and Flen ace news! Flen I started the heparin at 6 weeks and wasn't allowed start a moment before that. Am still trying to get hang of the injections - they sting but are ok.

MrsB I am so so sorry for your loss, I really hope we can be of help and support you.

Spam I definitely remember you, big hugs to you

Sorry I've been so quiet over last couple of days - work has been relentless - as has DP's. He left this morning at 6.45am, got home at 8.15pm and still on emails now downstairs.

I feel so exhausted I can barely function but I hate myself for moaning for even a second after everything us ladies have been through. I feel like I'm not looking after DP but on the other hand I selfishly want to be looked after but he simply hasn't got the capacity at the moment

I'm 10 weeks today - and I can't helped but be freaked out by nearing 12 wks. I daren't think this might actually happen

Sun I hope you feel a bit better now, your friend is a knob

I'm so sorry for the me me post. I should be grateful to feel this shit

Thorn sorry to hear, I hope you're ok. Xxx

So sorry some of you ladies are going through shitty uncertain times! It's not fair! None of us deserve this and it's so crap such lovely people keep getting kicked over and over again. Makes me sooooo

Thorn I really hope your scan next week gives you some happy positive news even though that's not what you're expecting!

Just been looking at the spreadsheet and I have to say it's amazing! Who has put it together?

I've been panicking slightly as I'm signed up to the Response research trial but just found out they're stopping taking on new ladies at the beginning of October so now under pressure to conceive again before then and despite me conceiving really easily 3x last year I've just got AF at the weekend after our 3rd cycle ttc (7th cycle post mc). I was panicking - what do I do if I dont get on the trial. That spreadsheet has reassured me! I will throw any money necessary into this as we don't currently have any children and there's nothing more important than having a baby so I'll try / do / take / pay whatever it takes!

brummie 10 weeks! That's ace

thorn hopefully you'll make it to next Tuesday. Hope things haven't got worse. Plenty of ladies on here have had spotting and stayed pregnant. Take things as easy as you can x

thorn so sorry you are spotting and that you feel things aren't looking good x

mrsb so sorry about your losses, and that you are going through this dreadful experience today. As others have said, right now you are in the rawest time. It's natural that your mind is racing ahead but the CVS will hopefully bring more information. Until then, talk to us if it helps x

barking not a crazy idea in my humble opinion. It sounds like you have made your decision, and planned for how to help you cope through it. We will be here too (not the same as RL I know). If going for it this month is what you both want to do, then you can get through this.

Sorry to those I have missed x

Have family with us so just quivk round up before sleep...

Bumble and flen - whoop whoop to ypu both my lovelies!

Barking - GO FOR IT and we will be hete hanging on your every word and holding your hand! Where are you based?

Minnie - you sound a bit defeated hun. I know its taken a long time to fall each time, and that you feel afternoon delight is your best option, but you judt dont know for sure...just play the game until you have no cards left. You still have lots of cards- and eggs left! Maybe us old birds have eggs that die superfast so thats why we need to dtd ss clise to actual ovulation as possible??? Book ds into nursert in august the days you are oving!!!

Thorn - lots of ladies on here spotted but it came to nothing. I am hoping this is true for you too xxx

Mrsb - you are in the middle of the crisis, and i am so so so sorry that lightening has indeed struck again ( i think some of us must be running around with forks strapped to our fecking heads). We are here for you xxx

MrsB welcome, so sorry to hear what you're going through. I had a loss at a similar stage. Get through each day with crying, talking, distracting yourself however you need. Let time pass and you'll slowly start to heal. No decisions now.

Thorn sending hugs and courage - any bleeding is such an awful gut-wrenching heart-stopping moment, especially at same stage as previous losses. I'm so sorry your epu won't see you earlier . Thinking of you lots.

Flen, Bumble so pleased to read of positive scans! Wonderful. flen hope you get those drugs quickly, really glad they're scanning again next week so not long to wait.

Waves to all the rest of you lovely ladies.

Well day 2 at work and a few more people taking time to have a chat with me, which was really appreciated. Spent ages on hold to local hospital to find out that the doc referral let to RMC there was received 2wks ago but couldn't then get hold of anyone in Gynaecology to find out when app will be. Grrrrr bloody NHS.
Does anyone know how long after ERPC you can go swimming again/have sex? Might've asked this already. My boobs are very sore, what's all that about as ob not pg, cruel reminder.
march thanks for link reminder to article it was very interesting.
Brilliant spreadsheet marchand barking what a great idea, wushu was better with spreadsheets!
mrsb so so sorry to hear of your losses, so heartbreaking, very hard to face especially knowing what's to come, but you will feel better after the op eventually, it's all so raw right now. Big hugs.
spam hi and sorry to hear of your troubles too, very hard when DH wants different to you. Mine was the same at first but has since come round so he may change his mind.
bumble and flen congrats on a positive first scan and fingers crossed for you both.
thornfield so sorry to hear of your situation , waiting for a scan is so hard, it's limbo land but hang in there till Tuesday and keep busy and hope for the best, best of luck to you.

Heard today about a couple who had 17 miscarriage before having a child. 17?! There must've been nothing left of the woman.

emerald glad your first days back at work have gone ok and some of your colleagues have been surprisingly lovely. It's so true that support and kindness is often where we least expect it.

barking and March the speadsheet is fuckin amazing!! That will be so helpful to so many women, it will make so much difference to someone. From experience, this is a big thing I struggled with after 'only' having 2 mcs as I wasn't under any nhs care for rmc but I couldn't feel I could try again without doing something first. At the time all I wanted was a gp or private hospital to explain what testing was available and what would be worth having done and it was futile, I was so frustrated, drained and upset the professionals didn't want to know because I'd only lost 2. This is gold dust, thank you so much and well done ladies! and not forgetting

Any legal eagles around? I need help-

This is the mets miscarriage police-
In the unfortunate event of a miscarriage or stillbirth before 24 weeks of pregnancy, any sickness taken during the two weeks starting from the date the pregnancy ended will be recorded as pregnancy related and will be discounted in terms of the sick pay rules. Any sickness absence following the 2 week protected period will not be recorded as pregnancy related.

Can they do this?

flen sorry I missed you yesterday. Good news on scan, seeing a yolksac at 5 weeks is positive. Prof B told me that clexane is only really of benefit from 6 weeks, when the placenta begins to form, though it doesn't matter if its started earlier. Both times I took it I started at about 5.4.

Minnie big hugs, it's just so hard.

snoopy as far as I know, there are two issues. Sick pay, and your "Bradford score'. Bradford score is the one where they add up your sick time and number of episodes, and get hauled in front of hr if it triggers at a certain number, for a warning/offer of assistance/find out the situation, etc.Pregnancy related sickness can't count towards your Bradford score. However it can be counted in terms of sick pay - for example my work place doesn't differentiate between pregnancy related and any other sickness - so when my allocated sick pay is gone, its gone, and my wages start to be cut. I think what yours is saying is that you get 2 weeks of sickness that doesn't count towards your sick pay, but further sickness will.

I'm not sure if they are saying further sickness won't be counted as pregnancy related in terms of your Bradford score either?

Correct me if I'm wrong anyone....

Thanks bumble yes it's good to know that some you don't expect, including men, can be supportive.

march and barking echo exactly what bumble said, what you've done will be of so much help to so many, me included. Same as bumble I've found no one tells you what you can do next or what's out there, you have to find out for yourself and I only found out by finding these forums. I'm still waiting to hear from NHS, no gp told me, I think it's cos tests cost money sadly.
snoopy I'm in HR and what Bootles says in terms of recording of sickness is right depends on the company, they have to make sure it's recorded correctly so not to go against you. If that's what it says in your contract then unfortunately I think they can but it seems very harsh and would like to think they would deal with each situation differently as each person is different . Obviously written by someone who hadn't experienced it!

Lurking here. Waves to everyone. Just wanted to give a hug to snoopy and say I am a lawyer, though not in employment or he, and I would say that the met' s position is nonsensical. If they accept you're still sick, then how has it stopped being pregnancy related because of an arbitrary 2 week cut off date? Are they saying it's now stress? I think they need to try harder than that to justify their position and I would definitively challenge it.

Unfortunately what the others say about pay is correct though. Being pregnancy related doesn't help when it comes to running out of contractual sick pay.

Barking Hugs. I think you know what you want to do. You are brave and will cope. I like hearing that fighting spirit again!

flen, brummie hurrah! Sorry you feel rubbishbrummie. Hopefully this is peak tiredness - it was for me.

thorn I really hope you're wrong. I would call epu and see if you can get an earlier scan.

Bootles how are your childminding plans coming along? Very proud of you setting up your own business.

Beth and I are off to meet Tiny and Alice this morning. Woo! We talked about meeting on the heath with babies and I cried, not daring to imagine it. Now the moment is here! Really believe your moments will come too. It is one rough journey to get there though
Xx

Snoopy, I don't know on the legal side, but I would think that policy wouldn't stand up to testing at tribunal because it would be so open to interpretation as discrimination? Not that you want to be a test case... but they ought to be made aware that some MCs can go on for months (mmc #2 went on for 3 month and a half months and required 3x operations due to retained products and unexplained bleeding), not to mention the psychological recovery (incl. elements of PTSD - surely the police must know how important it is to deal with that?!). I'd take further advice and maybe push for policy review if and when you feel up to it. xx

for yesterday's good scans.

Thorn, hope its not as you fear. Take it easy if you can.

Barking, talk about a rock and a hard place. What does your dh say? I don't know what to suggest for the best, but I'm sending hugs your way.

Loving the spreadsheet, BTW
Anything you need from me? Specific blog links? I will review the tagging for useful keys terms later and send you the link (on my phone just now).

Loving the clevel legal eagle advice on here. Love to hear us strong and unbroken!!! Xxxx

So, i am 8dpo and feel a bit sick this morning, which is FAR to early to be any horemones - my brain knows this. Oh stupid symptom spotting! Someone needs to hit me in the face with a frying pan...

Doh! Just realised, its a progesterone symptom and dr google says common with a prog spike in the 2ww. Silly me...

Missed lots of messages last night.

mrsdiddlydoo Thank you, me and DH do deal with things differently and I think I am impatient and feel the need to be pregnant before Jack's due date comes around at the end of September. I need to learn to be patient and allow him time. He feels he is being unfaithful to Jack's memory by trying again, which I do understand.

Bootles Ds1 is doing great thank you, somr love and cuddles has reassured him that things do get better and I have told him that it is ok to be sad for however long you need to be but also if you feel happy now, that is ok too. Ds2 not so great, his paediatric referral has been bounced back twice due to admin errors and incorrect paperwork included. He is still on the waiting list for the speech and language therapist so we are in limbo at the moment with no support at all. He headbutts the walls, the floor, furniture when he is stressed and his diet remains limited. He was refused 2 year nursery funding as DH works and we don't receive the qualifying benefits needed. The health visitor is being great and has managing to secure a referral to the schools and families specialist services who provide practical support and strategies to enable him to learn. I worry for him so much, his difficulties are apparent now more than ever and it is difficult to manage him now

Mrsb I am so so sorry for your loss. It is never easy, and I am sending you hugs. Please look after yourself and take all the time you need. This thread is always amazing for support in difficult times and the ladies here are all so caring.

Barking I really hope all goes well for you

Thornfield I really hope that this isn't mc 3. Really feel for you, take care of yourself and try and relax I know it's not easy.

Brummie 10 weeks! I had thought about you and wondered how things were going for you. I am so out of the loop as I hadn't been by the thread in so long.

Emerald I am hoping that in time DH will feel differently and we will be able to try again. I haven't mentioned it again as I really don't want to press him and bully him into it if he is not ready. Should anything happen next time and I had pushed him into it I would feel responsible for his grief. We both need to be strong enough to go through another pregnancy.

I am going to call the consultant today and see if any results are back and if I am due to be issued an appointment yet. I may push for further testing when I see her but I don't know how I will get on as I haven't hit the NHS rule of 3 mcs.

Thanks everyone.

To be honest, I couldn't care less about the pay aspect. I just want the sickness classed as pregnancy related because I don't want it held against me when I apply for other jobs. It's almost like they think that you're using it to your advantage, as if someone would choose to be in our position.