Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

[mrsb0710]

Original threadtotal headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today

Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

Purple .. My heart goes out to you as it does with all the other ladies on here .. Your story is very similar to mine .. Me and my DP were trying to get pg for 6 years . We finally got tests done and was told the only route was to go for ivf .. I was devastated at the time after such a long time of trying and wasted years ... We finally saved the money and went for ivf .. I'm 37 so age is against me ( as the statistics States ) we managed to get 4 good good fertilised eggs .. I had the best one transferred back in 2012 which resulted in he birth of my beautiful son .. Now he is nearly 17months we decided to use the frozen embryos and go again .( 4 weeks ago ). Everything when smoothly got a bfp .. Was so happy and content... Untill 2 weeks later I Miscarried ... I was devastated .. I couldn't sleep for days .. Please , read this and don't think your alone and it's nothing you have done , life has dealt you a horrible card ... You need to have time to come to terms with this .. There are lots of women who are in the same position .. Your not alone .. Xxx hope his has helped ( a little ) xxx

I am so sorry to hear stories about fertility that is heartbreaking . I am also 37 I have PCOS I have 1 ds aged 18 and have been ttc naturally on and off since he was a baby first with my ex for around 10 years and with my current DH this time for almost 4 yrs. I am hoping that this pregnancy was not just a fluke I felt so lucky to be pregnant. DH has always been anti IVF , but I think we are going to go down the IVF route if it does not happen straight away due to my age.

I have stopped cramping and still no bleeding so I went in to work today and I am so glad I told my work everything, because they are being so supportive and lovely. I have been put on restricted duties and am not seeing clients at the moment.

happywifey .. I feel for you , I really understand your heartache and frustration .. This is something I can relate to so much .. The helpless I feel is incredible ..being in a situation in having to go for ivf is so emotionally draining.. The whole process from start to finish is like a rollercoaster of emotions .. But it can give be successful & give you what you long for .. I was so lucky to have my son 17months ago through ivf .. It felt like a miricle for me after so many years of trying .. Please don't give up hope.. Miricles do happen to people like us .. Even though you are going through a rough time and life has delt you a shit card ..good things can happen for you .. Don't be scared of ivf ... It gave me the most precious thing I the world .. Even though this time it ended sadly for me .. Xxx

happywifey .. I feel for you , I really understand your heartache and frustration .. This is something I can relate to so much .. The helpless I feel is incredible ..being in a situation in having to go for ivf is so emotionally draining.. The whole process from start to finish is like a rollercoaster of emotions .. But it can give be successful & give you what you long for .. I was so lucky to have my son 17months ago through ivf .. It felt like a miricle for me after so many years of trying .. Please don't give up hope.. Miricles do happen to people like us .. Even though you are going through a rough time and life has delt you a shit card ..good things can happen for you .. Don't be scared of ivf ... It gave me the most precious thing I the world .. Even though this time it ended sadly for me .. Xxx

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm so sorry that so many of you are going through this too but it helps to have people who know exactly how it feels. I was a big mess in work yesterday morning and everyone who knew was so lovely and supportive. I was put in a side office so I could hide away and get things done. I've decided not to go in today as I think I need a day at home before the funeral tomorrow to start thinking things through. I'm finding it so strange how my emotions change so drastically each day- on Monday I was desperate to get back to work so I didn't have to think and being there Tuesday really helped but then yesterday I just knew I needed today to think. I have half term next week but I'm thinking I might need more time the following week as I should have had the d&c by the end of next week.

I've hardly let myself think of this pg as a baby because I was too scared to get my hopes up and my initial reaction to the mmc was that I wanted it all taken out now. But this morning I feel like I don't want to because then it really is lost. Is that crazy? It's lost already but today it just feels like its mine and I need to keep it safe- even though I know I can't.

Shaz555 and Wifey I'll be 38 on Wednesday so I know how it feels to have age to think about too. My DH didn't want any tests or IVF when we were trying either. This caused a real contention between us for a good year or so as I was doing blood tests, acupuncture, losing weight and I felt like I was trying to hard and he wasn't. We came through it though and I'm hoping that we don't go back to that place after this. I think we are both agreed we will try no longer and that this is a sign that our lovely boy is more than enough. But I'm not making any rash decisions as I don't know how I'll feel in a months time.

Be kind to yourself everyone and thanks for being so lovely xx

Purple sorry you've had to join us on here. Hope you aren't being too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time. I can't relate to your situation with ivf as my mmc was my first pg, and was conceived naturally. But I can relate to your initial reaction, I wanted it all over as soon as mmc was confirmed, as I had had 5 scans in the long run up to confirmation. Then, a couple of days after I was unbelievably sad that I was going to lose my baby and have to say goodbye...

I know ivf is expensive, but my cousin has difficulty convincing naturally, and she travels to Greece to have treatment, apparently it's a fraction of the cost over there...she has had several attempts at it.

Best wishes to everyone xxx

Thanks Allmy- I think we will stop now but I need to see how we feel in the weeks to come. I have my second scan tomorrow and I just want it done so much. I'm equally really nervous about the approach they will advise for miscarrying and I just hope I'm allowed my choice. I've managed to switch off from it more today and haven't thought too much about it but now it's night I just feel sick. Arrghhh it's just so frustrating to be having to deal with this. Roll on this time next week when hopefully I'm on the start of the road to recovery.

How was the funeral purple? I hope that you get what you want today and if that means being a bit forceful I would do it - it sadly seems the only way to get people to listen to you sometimes.

Very quiet in here atm - I'm hopimg that's a good sign! Hope all are well.

It all went well thanks Lilliana to be honest I felt quite numb throughout but that seems to be my general feeling at the moment. Positive news though I had my second scan and have been booked for an ERPC in the morning. I know that sounds weird to say it's positive but I finally feel like there is some plan for this as the last 9 days have been awful and I've felt in limbo. I'm scared about tomorrow but I just need it to be done so I can start to move on.

Annoyingly the second scan showed the sac is still growing although the embryo was smaller, tiny really just a dot. So my stupid body things I'm still pg which is really frustrating. In dark moments I feel like to start with my body couldn't conceive again and now it can't even do a miscarriage properly.

Quite normal to think it's positive news - you need a plan to enable you to move on and limbo is the worst state to be in. Will be thinking if you tomorrow and hope it goes well. Your body will return to normal although it might take a couple of weeks before you get a beg preg test - it took me 1 1/2 after a natural mc. Take care x

Beg = neg. stupid phone.

Hi I was directed here from another thread.

Found out at 13 week scan that baby had stopped growing a while ago and then shortly after started bleeding. I pretty much cried solidly for a few days.

I can so relate to wanting to go back to work swiftly but now I've had a few days off, it feels harder to imagine going back. Will have to eventually.

It is a head wreck. I am waiting for an ERPC on Monday, I may miscarry before then.

I'm sort of numb right now. Maybe because I'm going through the process. I dread it being over and back to normal in a way as then it really will be over and I will have to try and accept it.

I hated going back to work as everything had just carried on as normal (obviously) and I wanted to shout and scream about what happened to me !

My ERPC was a very straight forward procedure and I felt able to find some closure afterwards although I did have a very empty feeling and still kept crying !

Hi Adventure. I know I can handle this no mans land at home as it feels like the world still really cares about what happened. The consultants at the hospital etc

But work, god work. I've spent the last three months with a lovely secret, as I didn't want to say until after first scan.

Crying yes, Eurythmics song got me the other day - sweet dreams are made of this. If I ever need to cry on demand I'm just going to think of that.

I actually told some people when I went back to work and it helped. In a totally selfish way I felt like I deserved sympathy !!

True. I'm glad HR know the real reason, they should be kind. They've probably let the MD know too. He should be nice I hope.

A kindly look I can handle, any more and I might cry. I'm too puffy to cry at work.

I saw your thread and I'm so sorry you're here but hope you find some support.
I had a natural mc and actually it was ok but it took a while to get my head back to normal and not sure I'm completely there yet. Bawled proper floods of tears watching father of the bride 2 the other day
Don't worry about work or anything yet, just take one day at a time. Thinks will improve but there is no way or time, just see how you feel. Have you got some RL support? Lo after yourself

God shocking typing! Yes a few people at my work know too and they have been great - not too sympathetic that they make me cry but there if I need them

Thanks Lilliana. I'm still weighing up rl support other than dh.

I don't know if it will make me feel worse. I feel it's my sadness and I can let it flow as I like, without influence.

Not sure whether to tell even my parents.

I found it easier to talk to people about it via texts because actually saying it out loud just made me cry but I did call my mum as soon as I found out.

I was going to tell them I was pg at the first scan, and very much looking forward to it, then found out about the mc at the scan.

I have been writing an email in my mind as a way to do it, they don't do texts but do do emails. But haven't got round to sending anything yet.

A friend does know, due to not drinking, so will text at some point. Agree on texting being easier.

I had to tell my family as DH had already told them I was pregnant. Knowing me I wouldn't have told them otherwise but I'm glad I did.

YY to texting.

In a way I wish they did know about the pg, then I could say it.

As it is I'm worried it will floor me.

OTH I don't want to feel like people don't know about the baby at all. Even for the short time of the pg.

Will keep sleeping on it until I know which way to go.

SoVery it's entirely up to you who you tell and when. There's no right or wrong in this situation. I only told a few people about the pg but I have since told more about the miscarriage. For me I don't want people to wonder why I'm not myself and in work I told my close team because I thought then if I'm not myself they will have a reason. I'm not telling everyone, only those I feel ready too.

I read an interesting article when the writer thought that the don't tell anyone about being pg until the first scan makes people feel they can't talk about miscarriage. To me the 12 week rule makes it all sound a bit like miscarriage should be acceptable because there is no guarantee until the scan. So in some ways I want people to know because although we all know the risks and chances it's not acceptable- they were still our babies and our little sparks of hope even though they didn't make it