Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 13 - tests, treatment, trying again

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has experienced recurrent miscarriages and is in need of information, companionship, tea and sympathy. Newbies welcome to join at any stage.

Start with the traditional recap please......

Lurker, so what did you and you DD think of the pig paradise?

She loved it. Kept hugging all the characters. And I liked it because she liked it. She now claims to have liked the balloons best but in real life was a bit scared.

Just, you know you have about 20 of us in there with you tomorrow. Do you think they'll have space for us all? x

Longest, sorry to confuse you! I have it on a post-it in my diary. Means nothing to anyone else, but is reassuring somehow!

I think tiap as well

Longest, Emily says her favourite bit was the tree house in the playground. She didn't go on the dinosaurs or the balloons but went on the helicopter.

Thanks for the support, it means a lot. x

Hi, welcome dazed, jelly, Erica, sorry that you find yourselves here. To those who were asking, the basic RMC tests are: Blood tests: hormones, thyroid, clotting, possibly karyotyping for you and OH. A scan for uterine abnormalities. Karyotyping of 'products of conception' wherever possible, to check for chromosomal abnormalities. For at least 50% of people, no cause is found. Many on here have got to that point then self referred as private patients to the implantation clinic in Coventry.

I have been lurking on and off recently (will have a good read through soon) due to being mega busy. Great to hear Tanny and tiny are doing so well, and there seem to be lots of other bfp's on here...hang in there everyone. just thinking of you on Thursday, and boozle your RMC sounds a little frustrating. Sorry to anyone I have left out.

Me, aged very nearly 41
DS 2011, straightforward, no problems, now 3yrs 7mnths
1)MMC June 2012 at 11 wks, died 7.5 wks, ERPC
2)TFMR Sep 2013 at 13 wks due to serious abnormalities at 12wk scan - 90% chance of death in-utero - chromosomes normal
3)Jan 2014 MMC at 10 wks, sac only at 8wk scan - Trisomy 22, natural mc
4)June 2014 MC 8wks, HB seen around 7 but behind for dates - medical mc, chromosomally normal

The 4th one really changed things. Have been to Coventry and am awaiting results. My whole mind set has changed since the last one, and I feel increasingly hopeless. It really really may never happen, and I am starting to adjust to that, and even doubt the decision to keep trying for a second child. I do know how lucky I am to have DS.

longest how are you doing?
cloud I get the struggling feeling. Hope you're ok

Sorry yet another long post from me...

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, just

Ooh just I am so excited for you! FC lovely.

Hugs also for the others whose pregnancies are progressing. I'm loving hearing all your good news.

lawsof my 2 cents: I have had a natural (I was abroad at the time) and an ERPC (my hosp didn't offer MM) and with the natural found actually passing the embryo really traumatic. 9 months later I still have flashbacks
For my 2nd I had an ERPC and while there are some messed up thoughts which went on for me (I felt it was "too easy" etc etc, I won't put ideas in your head) I did find that my morning sickness subsided pretty quickly. I have had heavier periods since but I'm ovulating according to sticks so think everything's probably fine. The speed was good for me, I was in & out pretty quickly which felt like I could then move on to the healing (mental & physical). I also bled much less then with the natural, and it didn't go on as long. I would do it again if I have another MC (bloody hope it never happens). Also as others pointed out, they can then test the baby for problems, I was on MC2 so I paid about 300 quid to have it done, just an extra form at the hospital. Make sure you push them for testing if you do go the ERPC route. Mine was a trisomy which was a HUGE relief in a lot of really whacked out ways. Information is power!

Bootles sweetheart, your post is so sad. (((((Hug))))) to you.
I am ok thanks. Rely quite sick this week but not going to complain about that and actually my mood has been much better lately. Was so irritable for weeks and feel guilty as I should have been happy. I wonder if some of the stress is starting to lift. Work has been busy but in a fun way so that is helping time to pass. 12 week scan has snuck up on me. Delayed sending the form off for fear of jinxing so assumed they would give me one closer to 13 weeks but letter arrived on tues offering me Mon. That could have been too early for tests so have pushed it back by a day. Was discharged from st Mary's today which feels like a milestone. Whittington in Archway from now on.

On tests, hormone tests are another thing to ask your go for if you haven't already had them. I think that's been my issue (I have pcos but not insulin or clotting problems so drs said it wasn't the cause). I disagree and think it was implantation issues due to.pcos hormones (high fsh low progesterone). I am wondering if it was the agnus castus that made a difference this time. I will never know but it's comforting to me to think it was implantation issues as it makes me more confident now I am past the early stage. All my mcs have been early gestation though 1 was missed).

Also thyroid function. They were doing a study so I was offered it automatically but I'm not sure if it's ongoing. It's just a blood test. Even if it comes back negative, it's good to be able to cross potential problems off the list. Chinese Dr asked me this week if I'd had thyroid checked so it was nice to be able to go "yes it's fine" and move on.

lurker 12w already? That happened quickly! (well seemed it to us, I'm sure it dragged for you). FC xx

Well I will be somewhere between 11 plus 2 and 11 plus 4 in reality but apparently they will be able to do the tests. It has been glacial to this point, tbh, but at least I was away for a bit of it.

I am SUCH a dufus. I appear to have missed 5 pages! Got to the end of page 1 and didn't press next. Duh.

longest great you are sick but well if you know what I mean..there I was wondering where you'd gone and actually you've had another good scan! Hooray!

boozle reading back the pages all in one go was giving me palpitations waiting to see what your result was..good news thank goodness, hooray for you too.

laws of I was ok with MM but if you found the natural one traumatic it is worth bearing that in mind, as possibly lots of bleeding (mine was messy). One other point is that apparently with natural/MM there is a higher chance of the 'products' getting infected once 'obtained' which would make getting karyotyping results harder.

DS had 1st day (hour) at pre-school on his own.today. Fine when I left but they retrieved me from sitting upstairs after 40 mins...found him in sobbing hysterics. Numpty staff didnt seem to be doing much. Makes me so grr mad.

To the insensitive people stories: I was once lying on sofa waiting for meds to work for medical management, and spoke on phone to a heavily pregnant friend who lives overseas and was going back that day . She knew the situation but still told me in detail about her all her labour plans. I don't know what the answer is, but I do think do whatever you need to do, to protect yourself.

Heh well Bootles I just posted a reply to Tiny about pp world into a totally different aibu thread that was kicking off so think I am the bigger numpty!

Dd has found pre-school a much bigger transition than I was expecting too - that has been adding to my stress. Their expectations as to behaviour etc seem way too high for my just-turned-three dd so I have been thinking I have totally failed as a parent. And her toileting went totally haywire and they refused to deal with it properly and the council got involved - was a nightmare. But she went to holiday club last week and charmed them all there and was happy to go to nursery today so am feeling much better. Just need to get this toilet stuff back on track but it's baby steps.

Good luck tomorrow just

Thanks. I keep feeling OK about it and then really paranoid that I'll jinx it if I start to feel even slightly confident. Its a head fuck tbh...

What time is the scan just?

I have a consultant appointment tomorrow morning.

Lurker, bloody fireworks meant a couple of accidents this evening. Ahrgh. I HATE potty training... Or being trained but regressing...

08:30. Good luck with your appt, too, Tiny. x

I agree about their expectations longest, and now obsessing about how long he was upset for. Argh!

Have decided we are all entitled to a little numpty dufus behaviour every now and then.

just first thing appointment is good.Thinking of you x
tiny hope your goes well too

Sorry didn't post yesterday as manic day at work, so just a quick check is to say really pleased for Bootles and thinking of you today Just.

Last hi to all the newbies and sorry if I've missed anyone else x

Good luck just. 8:30 is a good time. No stressing n the day

Just, fingers and toes crossed!

Tiny, hope consultant is top drawer!

Bootles nice to have you back after a short hiatus.

We are passed 23 weeks, so into viability territory. Amazeballs!

Good luck today just. X

Good luck just :)

Woohoo tanny !!

So far so good. HB seen, 6 wks 1 day. milestone #2

Thinking of you just really hope that all is well.

law So sorry for your losses. I've had one ERPC, one natural and two medically managed mcs, and the ERPC was certainly the most straightforward in that you get a day and time, and after that, you know for sure it's over. The relief when I came round from the GA was immediate, and I was so 'happy' that it was over and done with and I didn't have to wait any longer (I'd been bleeding for weeks, going back and forth for scans and blood tests etc).
I don't think though that either physical and emotional recovery is any different from an ERPC compared to the other methods. Infections can happen with any of them, I had one after the ERPC and one after a medical, it's just something to watch out for in any case. As for the emotions... We all sadly know too well what they are like! Good luck with whatever you decide.

bootles I also found that the 4th mc really had a very different effect - everything seems so much harder and more difficult, and I am really struggling to find the motivation. More than once in the last few weeks have I thought whether I want to continue with ttc...

I had a really good counselling session on Tuesday, which has lifted my dark mood a bit - I am so glad I decided to try counselling, it has been unbelievably helpful.
She has recognised that I am having depressive tendencies, which I need to keep an eye on. We talked a lot about the feeling lost and helpless and that everything is an uphill struggle at the moment. The fact that I have now been ttc for over 2 years and all the fall out from that... She suggested to see a specialist to sit down and discuss all the nitty gritty bits of my chances for ttc - which I think is a really good idea. I think I need a reality check, some hard facts and perspective, and talking to a medical/scientific expert might just give me that. And it might also be the wake up call for DH that he needs to realise that we are both still in this. To have a base from which we both can start from, whatever we decide to do.
So I will now try to get an appointment with a private consultant to go over everything.