Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 13 - tests, treatment, trying again

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has experienced recurrent miscarriages and is in need of information, companionship, tea and sympathy. Newbies welcome to join at any stage.

Start with the traditional recap please......

Fab news just time for a glass of champers bar of chocolate to celebrate.

Cross-post just Yaaaaayyyy!!! Fab news!

Brilliant news just!

Just that is great news!

Having a tough day today and would appreciate thoughts and advice. My sister called me last night to tell me that she is 12 weeks pregnant, which is what I would be had I not had mc3 2 weeks ago. I have no idea how to process this. I basically said "great, ok I'm going now, bye!" on the phone. With friends or people who aren't that close, I employ the protective strategy and basically avoid them, but I am not going to be able to do that with my sister. I am dreading all stages of her pregnancy and birth as it will be a living reminder of what I could have been experiencing. It just makes the process of grieving and healing so much more challenging.

Any thoughts? Feel a bit desperate!

Great news just

Aw flen I'm so sorry... Would your sister understand if you told her about the mc and ask her not to talk too much about pregnancy with you?

Wonderful news just so pleased for you!

flen that's really tough. How do you get on generally? Does she know about your miscarriages? I think telling her is the only way she will understand how difficult this is likely to be for you. I had similar with one of my best friends, but since she has also miscarried she did understand why it was difficult. I was quite jealous throughout the pregnancy but I did find it easy to cope with her DD once she was born, she was then obviously not my baby if that makes any sense? In my pregnancy with Faith I was just a couple of weeks ahead of my sister who has had 3 children with no problems. I was absolutely dreading losing my baby and then having to deal with her pregnancy progressing. HUGS.

flen That's a tough one, poor you. Does your sister know about your mcs? In any case, I agree with baking, I think that honesty is probably your best way forward here.
Tell (or write to) your sister, explaining that you are of course really happy for her, but that it is and will be at the same time incredibly difficult for you, especially as you would have been at the same stage she is now. You obviously don't want to put a downer on her pregnancy, but she needs to remember what you have been through. Might be worth telling your parents/other family that as well, depending on how close you are, to pre-empt family gatherings with only baby talk!
It is so hard, having to deal with people that you are close to having babies.

Thanks
Flen, my sister was pg when I lost my third and I was just open and honest with her about how I felt and luckily she was v understanding. Actually, it was other people cooing over her bump that pissed me off the most! In the end I almost delivered my nephew as he was two weeks early. Someone's got a wicked sense of humour... I really think honesty is the best policy here and to be prepared for some blips and tears along the way. Its hard, though. x

Hi - I am a newbie on this thread. Can I join please?

I need a bit of talking therapy …

I had a mmc ages ago in 2011 or so, with an ERPC. Then an IVF pregnancy, twins, in 2012. Sadly one of the twins did not survive labour, when they arrived at 29 weeks. The surviving twin was in NICU/SCBU for 7 weeks. She's now a happy little soul, 1 yo+, and giving her mum and dad a lot of joy. We're now TTC again, which after a loss, is, as I am sure you can appreciate, a complete err mindfuck. (I don't have a better word for it, sorry!). I miraculously got pregnant quickly, we thought we were due a break, but unfortunately the HB stopped at about 9 weeks. In the mean time my FIL passed away and miscarried naturally 2 days after his funeral. Two weeks after the mc I did a pregnancy test and I got a positive. It turned out some pregnancy bits had not come out. I opted for medical mgt of the miscarriage, which didn't work AT ALL. Yesterday I had my ERPC and I hope all has been cleared out now! It's almost a month since my natural mc and I feel like I have been spending a day a week in hospital with scans and chats and bloods etc. I just want it to be all done now.

Anyway. Sorry for barging in like this! I'll integrate myself a bit better in to this thread after this introduction!

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your thoughts. My sister (and family) does know about the miscarriages. I think you are all right, that all I can do is be honest and say that I will find it difficult, that that might affect my behaviour but that I love her and am pleased for her even if sometimes I am acting a little oddly!

I am dreading the coming months though. BLEUGH.

Hi all,
Congrats on good scans longest, boozle and just
Welcome to the new faces and so sorry to hear what you've all been through. Lots of support and information here.
Afraid I am catching up and running, not doing great, been ill, wrote off my car and had a batch of 2nd pregnancies announced which are all people onto their second while we are still trying for 1. Feeling sad and tired of it. Bloods next week for RMC clinic so maybe after that i will return as a better and constructive person to the thread! Until then, big hugs to you all

Welcome dildals and sorry to hear about your losses. I hope the ERPC will mark the end of your recent loss and allow you to recover in peace. It makes me sad reading about misery heaped upon misery - life is so unfair sometimes.

bythesea sorry you are struggling. I hope your appointment next week is constructive and you can feel that you are moving forward again.

Great news just, you must be so relieved. of course I am now convinced that all the scan luck will have run out by the time my turn comes. I am really struggling, I am having serious symptom doubt i just dont feel pregnant and i have had pretty good instincts in the past. and to top it all mother is in town this weekend. She always manages to coincide trips with my miscarriages, so it feels like shitty history repeating itself.
flen that sucks. Big time. Its not just the loss of the pregnancy but the loss of what could have been a great shared experience. My downstairs neighbours announced their pregnancy a few weeks after my last MC. We would have been due in the same week, the week of my 40 th birthday. The only thing that has made it bearable has been getting pregnant again. We have started looking for a new gaff tho, not sure I can look down on that happy family in the garden, which I also don't have one of!

Yesssss just!!! Delighted. That's one big milestone right there. Belle. Yours is next. There is plenty of luck left. Goodness knows we have had our share of shitty luck. My symptoms totally vanished for a few weeks at the beginning, started to progress abot 6-7 weeks, tailed off again around 9 weeks and now have returned with a vengeance. However much we would like to know our bodies they are unfathomable a lot of the time.

flen. That really does suck. Not the same thing but 2 very close friends were pregnant at the same stage when I had my last mc (and had been trying for nowhere near as long grr). For me it has got easier as they have progressed well beyond the stage I had reached. Up to the 12 week scan was the hardest. Of course I am now pregnant again and that makes things easier. I hope tge same happens for you if thats what you want. When it occurred to me that I could still have a bump of my own by the time their babies arrive it calmed me a bit, though obviously it gave me an extra deadline to meet which I could have done without. Good luck and hugs. Be pprepared that your family may be sensitive at first and get less so as time goes on as they think you should be coping by then. That's when we're here to listen to you vent and understand what you're going through.

Thank you longest and Belle, gosh it does help reading the encouragement and kind words. Belle my next door neighbour is also pregnant! She is four weeks ahead of where I was. I think I am just massively envious of the simpler journeys. Plus, it's my little sister who is now on her second, when I haven't even got going on my first! And I hope Belle that it is your body just settling in, when is your scan?

longest I hope that that does happen - part of what is hard is that we are entering the testing etc, so might have to wait a while before ttc again. Partly this is good, I think, to give us time to heal. But partly, as I am sure everyone on here knows, there is that impatient urge!

PS. I have started writing about this whole thing, it helps me to clarify some of what I'm feeling, and I hope as I go through the journey, I will be able to include more useful info too. It's here:

thingsaboutmiscarriage.wordpress.com/

thanks flen. no 7 is one im really struggling with at the moment

Aw flen that's a really tough one with your sister.
I had my 1st m/c at the same time as one of my close antenatal group friends and we shared the grieving experience. When I miscarried again it turns out that she was pregnant and is due her baby a day after mine was due. Hurts like hell to think about it even though I am over the moon for her. Not seen her since m/c 3 but dreading it even more now.

So much harder for you with your sister though. Let's just hope for sticky beans soon. Sorry about your DD today. Hope you're coping ok. Hugs

Yay just

flen

I'm just back from my booking in, got told off for leaving it so late

belle hang on in here, its unbelievably stressful but in the early weeks my symptoms came and went

flen you write really well.

flen your blog is rather wonderful, in a sad sort of way. We are lucky to have you and just to articulate what the rest of us are feeling. Do either of you have a link from the miscarriage association pages? If not, I think you should.

I have gone back and read it all flen and identify with every single "thing about miscarriage" except perhaps the extreme pregnancy symptoms you experienced and the physical pain of miscarriage as I have been quite lucky in that regard. I also already have dd, for which I count myself incredibly lucky. The mixed feelings around testing really hit home for me. I was so torn between wanting someone to find something that could be fixed and wanting to yell "it's all a mistake! Ive just been unlucky! It's all going to be fine next time!". One thing this thread has helped with is to identify that there is a space in the middle - where there are risk factors rather than causes and treatments rather than cures, and good odds of a baby rather tgsn guarantees or despair. This is both good and bad, and extends the limbo, which is another of your "things" I totally identity with.

Ladies your kind words made me cry. In a good way. Thank you.

Hello

Me: 36 DH: 39
No children
TTC since June 2013 (married May 2013)
MC 1: Sept 2013 @ 6-7 weeks
MC 2: Nov 2013 @ 6-7 weeks
MC 3: MVA June 2014 @ 8-9 weeks
Chromosonal abnormality in MC3 (trisomy 5) - no tests on MCs 1 and 2

No other issues found via NHS scans / blood tests etc

Saw Prof Regan at St Mary's in September 2014, had hysteroscopy and biopsy last week. She removed partial septum and installed 2 coils (eugh) and put me on a month's course of HRT. Going back to see her on 8 December for update on bloods etc and removal of coils. Been in real discomfort since the op and quite a lot of bleeding, annoying as have been working abroad and just wanted to be at home! Everything is now crossed that I have now refurbed my uterus to such a high standard to make the next little bean stick around ...!

Finding yoga very helpful from a mental perspective at the moment!

Good luck everyone. XX

I enjoyed reading your blog, Flen, you've nailed it with the one about how symptoms lie. If you haven't already, email the miscarriage association and they will publicize it. They did a thread on mine some time ago. I'm sure it will help lots of ladies looking for support. x