Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 13 - tests, treatment, trying again

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has experienced recurrent miscarriages and is in need of information, companionship, tea and sympathy. Newbies welcome to join at any stage.

Start with the traditional recap please......

[Marchgirl]

Welcome erica and sorry you've had such a rough time. That's quite late to miscarry (for an early m/c, if that makes sense) and the last one must have been particularly difficult with the circumstances. I think some time for your body to recover sounds like a good idea. Hopefully you will find everyone a knowledgeable and friendly bunch.
Happy birthday girlie
boozle happy to pass on the book to you. Pm me your address and I'll get it in the post. I am also reading the lesley regan one that baking mentioned and I would def recommend that. Just on loan at the moment but if the owner doesn't want it back when I've finished I will offer it up on here too.

[Boozle80]

Welcome Newbies - everyone on here is amazing and far more rational than I am!

Thank you everyone, you keep me a bit saner than I would be otherwise - we're going back next week to see the consultant and scan. I'm on progesterone (200) and asprin, just hope it's enough.
I've just watched that film on YouTube - how amazingly, refreshingly honest. It summed up exactly how I've felt each time. Thank you for the recommendation :). Definitely need tissues at the ready though!

[dildoos]

Evening all, was wondering if I could join you all.
I am having a real low day today. I feel really selfish as I shouldn't but I am struggling with birth of sister in laws 2nd baby since we have been trying.
No thoughts about tact towards me and my DP, I get asked all the time when am I making a cousin for her child by her, even though she knows we have had 7 MC and are now under Dr shehata for his help.
I feel rotten as it's such an exciting time for them but I can't help feeling my face is being rubbed in it 24/7.
I am so sorry but was hoping any of you could tell me how to pull it together as struggling?
Sorry to burden you with my woes and sorry you have all had to suffer too. X

[tannyLoo]

Welcome newbies, as others have said, we're the club no one wants to join. We are at all stages on the RMC journey, and I found more knowledge and understanding than anywhere "out there", and have been here for over a year. People have held my hand through some shit and some discovery, and finally some optimism.

Boozle negative and unfeeling medical staff are all too common. Ignore the unhelpful and keep plodding. They don't know what causes most RMC issues, and this could well be your one. TIAP. Today I Am Pregnant.

I also have the Reagan book and another one I need to find the name of up for rehoming.... Anyone interested?

[Boozle80]

Lol, I've literally just ordered the Reagon one Tanny but if the other one is worth a peruse I'd gladly have it and pass it on when I'm finished. Thanks for the words - think I need to remember she wasn't expecting me to be pregnant because of communication between departments and she was a bit unprepared for it :).
See, you guys are already bringing me down from the ceiling!

[Boozle80]

Dildoos sorry you're having a shit time. I don't really have much advice which helps other than the anti-tact person filter. I put what the person said e.g: "when are you having number 2" and change it to "it must be really shit having all these baby bombs around you when you're trying so hard, your time will come and you will have the most special baby in the world, until then I can completely understand not wanting to hang out with newborns for a while, but we'll be here when you need us." - makes people seem far nicer! It's the filter of wonder and so far has stopped me from loosing my rag at quite a few close friends. The other thing you can simply do is change what they're saying to "I'm an arse, don't speak to me again!"

[dildoos]

Thank you booze that actually made me tummy chuckle.
Just been watching the utube documentary glad I watched to the end
I am now going to read through the thread.
But do I see you have had a positive ?

[Boozle80]

Lol, yes I have :) first step on the road! Absolutely crapping my pants! It can only go horribly wrong, worse case scenario and wonderfully right, best case scenario! But as Tanny said, today I am pregnant!

[dildoos]

Yes you are and tomorrow and for next 8 months , fx for you. Are you having frequent scans? X

[dazedandconfused1981]

Aww congratulations Boozle xxx

[Boozle80]

Fortnightly, first one next Monday :). And I've been put on progesterone and asprin, so everything crossed! Under St Marys in Manchester and they've been great :)

[bakingtins]

Welcome erica and dildoos and sorry you find yourselves in need of us.

dildoos I think I would struggle to employ boozle's positive filter for your SIL, that amount of insensitivity deserves another type of Mumsnet response... I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that from family.

[dildoos]

Baking tins- tonight's insensitive moment comes via face book ?her status " baby is asleep in day and awake at night this does not end well for me!" I would say the fact she now has a 2 year old and a 2 day old baby it ends the day perfectly! So upset right now and the obvious is to not go on to face book but sadly this is how my sister and I communicate through the miles with pics and shared posts etc. DP (her brother) says she has always been selfish and not to expect anything else, but I do as I can't believe some people are that awful. There is a friend of hers lost a baby (7 months old) and she still puts these so it's not just hideous for me more so for friend x I can't cope I want to scream and shout x

[dildoos]

Booze that's fab your having the care you need right now, I bet the 2 weeks drags for you. Are they linked to the St Mary's in London? I watched the documentary tonight as just nice to hear other stories and outcomes. ( not that I wish it on anyone if you know what I mean?) x

[longestlurkerever]

Hello everyone. My stats are: me 34 th 34. dd born Aug 2011, no complications. Ttc dc2 since March 2013. Chemical preg Aug 2013, Mmc Jan 2014, mc June 2014. Checks at St Mary's all normal except PCOS. Now 10 weeks pregnant. On cyclogest, extra folic acid and previously agnus castus. Next scan on Wed. Have everything crossed.

Welcome newbies. Your stories hit close to home. You have come to the right place for advice, support and a good rant.

I have a copy of prof Regan' s book to pass on too if anyone wants it.

[Marchgirl]

Hi dildoos. Sorry to hear you've had such an utterly shit time. Sounds like you need to turn off /turn down the feed from your sister in law. I have found myself making lots of people into 'acquaintances', or even unfollowing them, which means you hear much less from them but without having to unfriend them (which always seems a bit extreme). I also read a good positivity type article after my last one that helped me get back on track, although it depends what stage you're at, as it's more of a 'pull yourself together' type vibe, so if you're not at that stage then don't read it yet. If you are interested it is
www.marcandangel.com/2014/07/27/18-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/
The ones about toxic people, ascribing negatives to people's actions and not drowning in grief I found particularly useful

[Flen]

Hi all, dildoos I have had some cracking insensitivity bombs from my sister too, it is very hard to manage and my only way of doing so is to reduce contact for now. My most recent m/c was two weeks ago, and it's too raw at the moment. Giving my self the time I need (or trying to).

Tanny I would love the Reagan book if you're still offering...

[cloudjumper]

dildoos I have switched off the news feed from some people on Fb in the past, it really helps. They won't know, and you'll be spared the baby bombs.

Unfortunately, it doesn't help with insensitive people when you meet them F2F! I had a girls' night with my baby group a little while ago, and one of them (who has had her 2nd a few months ago) just kept complaining how she missed her bump and being pg She has very little 'social awareness' anyway, for want of a better phrase, but not only has she had multiple mcs herself in the past, she also knows about mine

I'm still in the dump, emotionally. Meeting my pg friend last week was nice while we were there, but she then also told me about another mutual friend who is expecting her 2nd. I know this sounds really stupid and irrational, but I am now being 'overtaken' by people who had their 1st after I had DS and are now on their 2nd... Brought it home that I have now been ttc for almost 2.5 years, with nothing to show but heartbreaks
DH seems oblivious to it all, prattling on about buying the new iPhone and getting solar panels

Going to visit my sister in Berlin on Friday, it'll be a much-needed break and change of scenery!

[Itscurtainsforyou]

Hello all - just a quick update from me.
It's now nearly three weeks since my miscarriage began, bleeding stopped but EPU scan last week showed the sac still there (impossible to be viable with dates etc though).
A scan this morning showed its in the cervix so really hoping it passes naturally this week, otherwise I'm opting for medical management next week.

I saw a pregnant friend from SANDS in the waiting room. I felt awful because I had to tell her I wasn't there for happy reasons . Am hoping she understood why I wasn't up for chatting.

Positive news is that I saw a specialist today, who offered me progesterone as soon as I get another bfp, a scan of my womb in the meantime, an appointment with the haematologist to discuss my blood clotting disorder (which may result in heparin injections during pregnancy) and also hcg injections once the viability is confirmed.

Couldn't have asked for better treatment really (well apart from the scan showing a miracle, which is beyond anyone's control ATM).

[TinyTear]

cloud I know about the 'overtaken' thing

sunday was at a birthday party for a friend's 2yo (so 9 months younger than my DD) and they had all their NCT group there... of that group, 3 had big bumps and 1 had a 5w baby there already...

In a way good thing I am pg or I couldn't have coped... Last year this friend's DD party was just after I had gone through my MC4 so i am glad no one was pregnant then!

[Flen]

Sounds like it's hugs all round...

Just to add my woes to the pile, yesterday my mum sent a group message to me and my sister to say that a family friend has had her second, a little girl, and called her Wren. That name was my girl's name for the baby due next Monday, mc in April. I sent a message back with a jokey tone along the lines of it being typical and there was one of the problems with rcm, all the names get taken. My sister, who has an 18 month old sent a message back saying "That's not a miscarriage thing, that's just a friends having babies thing". Which, y'know, is true, but sent me into a fiery sobbing rage.

Then pictures of Wren all over FB this morning. ("I don't want to see this", thanks FB.)

And a frustrating appointment this morning with a neurologist about migraines, where she basically said "oh they will talk to you about that at rmc".

Grr.

[Erica21]

Oh Flen I feel for you, that's not the most helpful thing for your sister to say... I am very bored of the 'it was natures way' and 'it wasn't meant to be'... after 2 MC's, no it's not it's just bloody frustrating and upsetting. To be honest I am not on FB and am glad I'm not. It must be crazy hard to see other peoples posts. My friend in the village gave birth on Friday when I found out my baby didn't have a HB. I am ok about it as there's nothing I can do although I know I will probably cry when I go and meet her baby this week.

Anyone with any top tips on how to long to wait to ttc? As I've had 2 MCs close together, I'm paranoid about another one obviously but don't think I could cope with another hematoma. Didn't know if I should let my uterus recover longer now I've had two ERPC's? In my mind 3 months seems reasonable to wait even though I don't want to wait that long x

[Flen]

Thanks Erica. Hope it's okay with your friend later this week - in my experience some people and their babies are completely fine, but others are really hard. Haven't worked out the logic of this yet...!

I waited three months between after my second miscarriage. That was enough time for me physically, although I don't know if there is ever a "right" amount of time. I am glad that at the moment we are waiting to be tested - it takes the decision about ttc again away for at least the next six weeks. What do the doctors say?

[Belleende]

A week to go and already having major scan panic. Symptoms seem to have plateaued if not lessened. I simply can't think about the scan without my heart rate going through the roof. I am scared that if it goes wrong 4 miscarriages worth of pain will come crashing down. I am bricking it.

[Erica21]

Thank you Flen my friend has been very supportive so should go ok, it was seeing other women in the hospital yesterday with their bounty packs that got to me!

Drs haven't really said a lot, I think as both MC's were different and I've carried my son (first pregnancy) to term ok they've said wait a couple of months. The A&E nurse I saw said to wait 6-8 months but I don't think so ;) it's just made me so much more nervous as I didn't expect the 1st one, let alone the 2nd with horrendous bleeding. X