Hey everyone,
I've been quiet the last couple of days, as you know it's been a really shit week! 
I've stayed mostly on track, a couple of emotionally driven spoons of peanut butter but other than that I've been eating to appetite although I don't think I'll have lost weight this week but that's the last thing I'm thinking about at the moment.
Dad took a turn for the worse and was rushed in for emergency surgery at 2am this morning. He's recovering and minus a gall bladder, but essentially his pancreatitis started to cause a few of his other organs to shut down so they decided whipping out his gall bladder might make his pancreas pipe down. It seems to be working, he's stable and doing well.
However, I now know where I get my obsession with my weight and poor body image from. Dads been nil by mouth for a few days, and every time I've visited him all he talks about is how much weight he's probably lost due to not eating
he genuinely sees it as a good thing. He's always been obese and it has bothered him for as long as I've been alive at least, he has always talked about weight and weight loss and lies through his teeth about what he eats all the time, especially to my mum who has always policed food. I realise now I've grown up with that all my life, makes me so much more determined not to be like him or my mum and get to his age and hate my body and still have a fucked up relationship with food. Blah. 
Anyway, DP decided to drag me out of my funk today and we went to a local fine foods market. I've bought my body weight in cheese and olives and stopped for lunch at a Greek stall where I had halloumi salad, then stopped at the pub for a creamy coffee and a gin and slim 
I also stopped at mum and dads house to pick dad up some stuff, went upstairs to my old room and grabbed some size 14 and 16 clothes to tide me over until I can afford to shop.. only gone and fitted into a size 14 play suit I bought when I was 18
evidence attached! It's got some stretch in it though so I'm probably at 16 top, 16/18 bottom at the moment 
I feel much much better for going out and spending time with DP, more in control. I've shoved a ton of flax crackers in the dehydrator just now and my lunches for next week will be a block of speciality cheese from the market, butter and flaxcracks 