School won’t stick to agreement

[SpinningFloppa]

I posted this on SN children but no responses it’s a very quiet board and I need some advice as not sure what to do Monday, so trying again here.

I have 4 children 3 in primary, dd oldest just left school in July and is autistic thanks to her primary school she didn’t get a suitable secondary school so I’ve had no choice but to home ed (not my choice but that’s a different thread) anyway due to having 3 still at primary school I’m having to bring dd on the school run, dd is NOT coping with this and I’m having a struggle getting her down there every day, she refuses to come so I have to persuade her each day, she won’t wait outside and is becoming frustrated she also won’t come into the school grounds at all, I spoke to the school in the beginning and we came to an agreement that I would collect my other 3 early so dd doesn’t have to wait and avoids coming in, not super early only by 10 mins ... this was agreed by the senco, anyway the school are not sticking to it, and aren’t bringing them round or letting them come round alone leaving me standing outside the school gates with dd having a melt down.

Yesterday I got to the school early and buzzed on to remind them yet they still didn’t bring them out?! This meant I was stood outside the school gates unable to leave dd but also she wouldn’t come in. What can I do here as I’m at a point where I’m feeling like I can’t bring them to school as I can’t collect them! Any other options here as I’m at a loss, dd is super strong she won’t come in and gets angry if I try to make her, I will add when she was in school I was able to pick them all up early at 3 as dd couldn’t manage the noise and the crowds at pick up and after an incident happened in the play ground we came to this agreement, I’m just trying to avoid another situation happening.

You can't really expect three teachers to release you children from class early every day, and find someone to supervise them out of the building. That's not at all suitable as a long term solution. You're going to have to rethink.

If she's left primary school can't you leave her at home while you do the school run for the younger ones?

This was the previous arrangement but she had a 1:1 so the 1:1 was bringing them round when she was at the school. My kids don’t need “supervising” one is year 6 and one is year 4 so they are old enough to walk over alone, the youngest is not the one I’m having trouble with her class is right by reception so she comes our every day on time it’s the older 2 who aren’t being let out (there class is a different building)

no she cannot be left home alone she needs constant supervision she had a 30 hour 1:1 in primary including in year 6.

Sorry has she just left primary or secondary - ie is she aged 11 or 16/18?

Also it's down to the parents to fight for the right secondary school

She’s 11

Yes I know this her school said she was fine in mainstream despite having a 30 hour 1:1 spent only 10% of the day in class, couldn’t be left alone at all, escaped the school and ran off down the road, was aggressive to members of staff and children despite all this they said she was fine in mainstream at her annual review which meant she didn’t get a place in an sen school. My LA will now not support a sen school because she’s “fine in mainstream” but like I said different thread and I’ve been trying to do what I can there but coming against a brick wall, I’m trying to focus on this situation in this thread as this is my immediate problem.

This is a difficult one if she's only 11.
Could you pay (or even just ask) for another parent to collect your children and bring them home. Or get a babysitter for the time it takes to go to the school and back.
Are you trying to find a school for her?

Unfortunately no, I’m not friends with the other parents as dd was let out of school early I didn’t see them, she’s been collected at 3pm for the past few years after the incident in the playground, so I do not have a relationship with the other parents to ask them.

Rather than early, could you ask that you pick them up 10-15 mins after end of school and they wait by the office? Or sign a 'they can walk home' agreement and then get them to meet you around the corner from school??

Youre going to get a lot of responses here from people who just dont understand a lot of the issues around kids with SEN.

In my opinion, you feel forced into home educating because of inadequate SEN provision. I think maybe you need to take a step back and rethink.
The LEA need to help you find a placement for your eldest that can meet her needs, because I dont think you can effectively home educate a kid that you cant even make them cooperate with a school run.

Dont let them off the hook.
If theyve offered a school place and youve rejected it, what was your reason?
In my experience, to get the right support, you need evidence that the standard support isnt enough. You can only get that through trying it.

Its not fair to put it on the primary school to support this, as clearly you cant rely on it every time, and their responsibility is to their students. Not your older daughter or yours. Normally they would only let children leave early if it was medical reasom for that child themselves.

I think you need more support to deal with this.

I completely understand your predicament but I can see it's unfair and disruptive for your other DC. I think this is one of these situations where you might have to pay someone to collect them, or even put them in after school club? Do you claim DLA for your DD? That could go towards the cost.

Was your DD allocated a secondary school place? Did you send her there? Did you speak to the SENCO?
If she had funding for a 1:1 why did it stop?
There must be a better solution than 3 children having to leave early every day.

Thank you yes I can already see this is happening, this is why I posted in SN children but no response, unfortunately I could not find anywhere else similar to post.

Yes mainstream. I’m not sending her to mainstream regardless of any situation. It’s 10 mins early. Not an hour early.

You could pay someone to collect them - not necessarily a fellow school parent. I know people who have done this. People who are babysitters will often collect and deliver children home. It's all done officially (DBS, school know they are the designated collector etc).

My sons are year 4 and year 6 the rules are year 6 can walk home alone but year 4 can’t, year 5 can go home alone with a year 6 but year 4 can’t.

I think maybe you’ll need to ask school for the 15 minutes later option? Is there an after school club at all?

Alternatively, is there any way you could get support/finances for someone to either do the pick-up for you or to stay with DD1 at home?

I can’t afford to pay someone daily, I’m not working I’m dds full time carer.

Is she actually on the role at the secondary? They should be helping you out with support. Unfortunately if you turned down the place you are then forgotten by the LA 😕

I think later seems like the best option. I will speak to them on Monday, I’m not sure why they agreed to it though as they said it was fine when I asked.

Do you get DLA for her. That could help towards paying someone.

Asking school for a later pick up would have the incentive that they would be keen to get rid of them, so you wouldn’t be hanging around!

Yes try collecting them a bit later? It seems really unfair on the kids to make them leave early and I'm not surprised the teachers are struggling to facilitate it.

@SpinningFloppa I think I would ask for extenuating circumstances to get the year 4 to be able to walk with elder brother and meet you. That is not a government thing as my dd was able to walk home in yr 4 so the school can have flexibility of they want.