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Original poster

Ex H knows I have been out with another man

223 replies

Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 00:26

He got DS1 to phone me on my mobile tonight, then got DS2, then spoke to me himself, asking where I was (he could hear background music), to which I said "Out with a friend"
He said "Put your friend on the phone then"
I told him it was none of his business who I was put with, and he laughed, sating "If only your boys knew"
He then text to say "Give him a kiss from me"

I know he is going to be a real git about this now, and worry he may get more difficult about having the boys so freely.

I know it shouldn't bother me, but I was quite shaky after all that.

OP posts:
singledadofthree · 01/10/2007 00:30

you could always tell him he turned you lesbian and youre with a woman...after stringing me up of course.

Innovation · 01/10/2007 00:31

us guys can be complete tossers sometimes

wildpatch · 01/10/2007 00:36

oo, i love the lesbo idea.
that would really get him annoyed. and you could get a friend to really string him along, pretending to be your new lesbian lover.

go on pinkch, do it.....

katylui1 · 01/10/2007 00:36

Ignore him. your entitled to a life. If he is any kind of a man, he will support you in helping your kids to adjust.
Sounds like he is already using them to make you feel guilty about it.
You should formalise your contact arrangement before it turns nasty and ignore him. Your kids will see who is the gracious one.

mamama · 01/10/2007 00:45

He sounds so immature, PC (hi, btw)

Is he likely to tell the boys? If not, just enjoy dating again.

lou33 · 01/10/2007 01:15

i'd just tell him to jog on pc

but you know my opinion already

lou33 · 01/10/2007 01:16

yeh do the lesbian thing, i'll do it
give him my number and i will tell him you were with me all night

tribpot · 01/10/2007 06:54

Whilst I agree with the sentiment of the others, knowing your ex H, PC, I can see why you're concerned. "If only your boys knew" - bloody rich coming from him!

I think he probably is going to retaliate by refusing to have the boys if he suspects it's because you're going out. Dare one hope that he wouldn't be such a petty tosser where his children are concerned? Well, time will tell.

I think you should also prepare for the fact that he will tell your family. Good in some ways (not least so you can drop him in it re: his 'friend' in return) but I suspect they are going to up the ante in terms of emotional pressure as well.

Take things slowly, and keep reminding yourself you have done nothing wrong.

Btw, even if you were out with a female friend it would be highly weird for him to demand to speak to her. "My ex H would like to have a word with you so he can vet you as he seems to have forgotten the reason I am divorcing him is because he is a controlling assmunch".

Freckle · 01/10/2007 06:58

Well, what's more to the point, what's your new man like??? Come on, spill.

Perhaps you should pre-empt any stupid games on his part and tell your boys yourself that you have a new friend who just happens to be a man. Tell your mum too. That way she might finally accept that you are moving on.

mytwopenceworth · 01/10/2007 07:11

trying to use the kids to make you feel guilty. What a wanker really wanky mean wanky thing to do the wanker

I know you must not sink to his level, but I would be really really tempted to reply with things like, "Oh no, the kids are just pleased that I am finally happy after all these years". do it do it

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 07:57

I have barely slept for worrying about this, which is silly, but I know what ex H can be like.
I'm sure he got the boys to phone because he was suspitious.

He got DS1 to phone first. I spoke to DS1, then the phone went again, and it was DS2.
Ex H was laughing in the background, and then got on the phone himself, asking where I was, and laughing some more. He then asked to speak to my friend, and when I refused, he laughed more, and said "If only your boys knew"
I then got the text saying "Tee hee, give him a kiss from me"
I know the laughing is all a front, and he will be cross that I was out with a man.
My worry is that he will get difficult about having boys, but they are his children too at the end of the day.

Was going to mention something to mum on Saturday, but I know it will get straight back to dad, who will not be happy.

Ex H was having dinner round my parents with the boys yesterday, and they tried inviting me again, but I declined.

Freckle - this man is very nice. Handsome, intelligent, quite a gentleman, and unlike ex H, seems very laid back!

OP posts:
peskipixie · 01/10/2007 08:05

if it makes you feel any better pc my boys knew i had friends both male and female, it never bnothered them. just make sure they meet your female friends aswell and a boyfriend probably wont matter much to them. dont let him get you down, you deserve a life!

tribpot · 01/10/2007 08:08

I think Freckle's right, PC, you need to pre-empt him telling your boys and your parents (look what a great job he did telling your boys about the split when you weren't there!).

BecauseImWorthIt · 01/10/2007 08:16

Er PC - what is this?!:

"Was going to mention something to mum on Saturday, but I know it will get straight back to dad, who will not be happy."

I know that your parents aren't happy about your situation, but it's nothing to do with them, and so what if your dad is unhappy? It's your life!

And by not telling them you're actually behaving like the victim here. And as Tribpot has said, you have done nothing wrong!

Glad you seem to have met someone nice!

Freckle · 01/10/2007 08:26

And don't forget that ex-H has been seeing another woman anyway. Talk about being a wanker hypocrite!

Tell your mum you have met a really nice man and that you are having a lovely time just being treated as a decent human being for a change. If it gets back to your dad, so bloody what?

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 08:26

I was just feeling like I could do without the hassle, but I know it is nothing to do with them really.
Dad is so friendly with ex H, that I doubt he will accept any other men I go out with, no matter how nice they are.
I will have to tell them now though, and if they don't like it, so be it.
I expect ex H has already informed them!

I will say something to the boys. I will tell them I have a new friend who is a man, and leave it at that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 08:28

Exactually, Freckle! At least I am going out with this man, not just stripping my clothes off in his car!!

OP posts:
Baffy · 01/10/2007 08:30

PC I think you're right to tell the boys and just say he's a new friend.

So and for you at the way he is (and the way your parents are tbh!)

I can't find the words. But I think you're a saint for everything you put up with - from all 3 of them!

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 08:31

Have just seen this PC, .

Don't do anything in haste or anything you will regret later!

peskipixie · 01/10/2007 08:32

just read my post and wanted to make clear i meant friends not friends [waggles eyebrows] who are female. kids are very accepting, just dont be on the defensive or they will think its a problem WHICH IT ISNT!
i have to play this game a lot with my ex

mytwopenceworth · 01/10/2007 08:51

You have really really really got to get rid of this idea that you need to explain or justify yourself to your parents or your ex. I want to slap them ..I also want to shake you and yell stop being so bloody kind and nice and tell them all to BUTT OUT!!!!!!!!

It is none of their business. Please don't tell them anything and if they stick their beak in, tell them you are not going to discuss your private life with them.

zippitippitoes · 01/10/2007 08:59

i woul;d tell them...it is no one else's business but yours

sorry you are having a torrid time

I see absolutely nothing wrong in chidlren being aware and meeting a new partner early on

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 12:41

I'm not going to introduce the boys to the man I have been dating, just yet. There is no need atm, and I don't want to confuse them any further just yet - they have had an awful lot of changes to deal with recently.
At the moment we are just dating & getting to know each other.

Ex H has returned boys (they are not at school today, and I had to go in for a training course this morning), and I just asked how they had been, but didn't say anything else to him at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 01/10/2007 12:44

I do feel I should perhaps mention something to my mum, before he does it his way.

OP posts:
tribpot · 01/10/2007 13:13

Well, I would PC. I do take mytwopenceworth's point that you should have to and, god knows, it's none of their business. But in terms of damage limitation and reduced stress for you, better surely to get the truth out there than have ex H give his version of events.

Bearing in mind he doesn't actually know you were out with a guy last night, you could just as easily deny if you wanted to, but why lie? It's your life.

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