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Lone parents

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Original poster

Staggered that school let my ex pick up daughter an hour early from school without contacting me until she had left the building.

205 replies

chocolatespiders · 09/03/2012 18:02

Been split for year and have a contact agreement reached through mediation..
He has dd every other weekend (although isnt having her next weekend as he is going away)

Anyway few weeks ago ex goes into school with our contact agreement tells the school he is picking dd up early, goes back an hour later and takes dd sobbing out of the school. Ex is not known by the school as he has never been in there and has never attended parents evening so they don't know him although he is an emergency contact on dd's forms.

Head spoke to dd on her own and dd told her that yes she does see her dad regularly but that I was picking her up that day. She was then carried out if the school crying.

I cant believe that the school didn't think to give me a quick call to check this out.

School said well he had a contact order with him- but this does not give clear indication of who has dd on which dates.

I realise that ex put the school into a very difficult situation but I am still shocked at this and think about it every day when walking to pick dd up. Not nice for dd either who was taken out in the middle of lesson completely unexpected.

OP posts:
balia · 09/03/2012 18:23

Don't think they can actually legally prevent a parent taking a child out of school. If my DH turned up to collect my DS, I wouldn't expect the school to call me to check it was OK. He had the court order, he sees the child regularly, and luckily schools don't always assume that separated Dads are all child-molesters. You need to take it up with your ex, not the school.

NatashaBee · 09/03/2012 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocHobNob · 09/03/2012 18:38

The school didn't technically do anything wrong. They cannot refuse to hand a child over to a parent with parental responsibility unless that parent has a court order restricting them from doing so. All they can do is ring you and inform you, which it sounds like they did.

The issue should be with your ex, not the school.

Avantia · 09/03/2012 18:40

Regardless of the contact order I am surprised that the school let your DD go off with someone they didn't know - I think they should have phoned you to at least check .

Original poster
chocolatespiders · 09/03/2012 18:46

If I had been put in that situation, my concerns would have been raised with dd telling the head I was picking her up that day and dd crying.

All of this could have been sorted with a 30 sec phone call to me.
Yes the school phoned but only to say dd had left with her dad just so I was waiting outside the class for dd to appear. Which I would have been 5 mins later.

OP posts:
Boston2Step · 09/03/2012 18:51

avantia it is unreasonable to expect the school to personally meet every emergency contact that every parent has! It really doesn't happen like that

balia · 09/03/2012 18:55

Not sure how you feel it could have 'been sorted' with a phonecall to you? What would you have told them, to physically prevent him from taking his child? Call the police?

Why did he take her out early?

Avantia · 09/03/2012 18:56

But if an emergency contact was picking up from school then the school would have probably had some notice that this was happening - this was not an emergency that is the issue - it was a father waving an order around picking up DD from school early - there was no emergency - the OP should have been informed as she was due to pick up that day.

Boston2Step · 09/03/2012 18:58

The dad has PR. Nothing the school could do

solidgoldbrass · 09/03/2012 18:58

I think the school were in the wrong for allowing this man to take DD away against her wishes, when she had said that her mother was collecting her that day. What was he doing. OP? Had he made a mistake or was this him throwing his weight about and making sure he was obeyed? DId you bin him for abusive, controlling behaviour in the first place?

Unless there is very good reason for him having done this, I would suggest going back to your solicitor and getting the contact reassessed; if you have a bully for an XP you need to get every last detail nailed down in writing and any breaches of it by him means you stop contact and make the wanker go back to court.

Avantia · 09/03/2012 19:03

I dont care whether the Dad has PR or not , the mother also has PR and a quick call to OP between the time he initally walked into the school and picked up would not have done any harm.

Unless he had good reason to pick up DD from school early it would have been best to wait until OP had been contacted - if he didn't like it then he could have called police . The school could clearly see DD was upset and at the end of the day the child welfare is most important not that of a parent waving a piece of paper about.

ChocHobNob · 09/03/2012 19:32

It doesn't matter how anyone feels, the school did nothing wrong. They notified the mother when they could. It is now up to the OP to sort it out with the father. If there is an ongoing problem with it, she can get a court order specifying he doesn't collect from school other than when arranged and agreed with the Mother.

It's not a school's responsibility to get involved in separated parents' squabbles. If you expect the school to contact the mother if ever a father collects a child without prior agreement, would you expect the school to contact the father every day as well to make sure he agrees to the mother collecting the child? The school have regulations in place and they didn't break them.

Boston2Step · 09/03/2012 19:39

chochobnob I was thinking that too! The op hasn't slagged off the dad at all, only queried the school, yet already dad is being demonised

solidgoldbrass · 09/03/2012 20:45

Yes, the dad's behaviour is being questioned because it's unreasonable. Neither the DD nor her mother were expecting him to come and collect the child that particular day, so it wasn't a case of the mother having asked him to collect DD because she was running late or had an emergency to deal with.

So what was he doing? Apart from using his DD to prove a point of some kind?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/03/2012 20:51

If anyone comes unexpectedly to pick a child up early, then it needs looking into. If the child is crying and saying her Mum is picking her up tonight - why would you not call the Mum? Why subject a child to that because some git is waving around a bit of paper?

RitaMorgan · 09/03/2012 20:57

Legally though, the school can't prevent a parent from taking their child.

seeker · 09/03/2012 21:00

So a father with a contact order picks his own child up from school. I'm not actually sur how they could have stopped him!

cluffyfunt · 09/03/2012 21:02

So why did your EX take your DD out of school early and why was she (DD) so upset by it?

curiositykitten · 09/03/2012 21:14

So he picked her up an hour early, but only 5 minutes before you'd have been there to pick her up anyway?

Huh?

Viewofthehills · 09/03/2012 21:19

Picked her up an hour early and the school took 55 mins to contact the OP curiosity?

zookeeper · 09/03/2012 21:22

I'm curious as to why she was upset. How old is she? Why would she be upset?

zookeeper · 09/03/2012 21:25

was it not his weekend? I'm confused!!

colditz · 09/03/2012 21:27

he's her father and without a court order stipulating strict contact times, there is nothing they can do to prevent him picking her up.

Flip this over for a moment - what if you went to pick your child up for a dental appointment or sometyhing and you were told that the school would have to check with your ex first?

tralalala · 09/03/2012 21:33

if he has PR surely he has the same rights as you to take her out early?
How old is she?

Meglet · 09/03/2012 21:38

What avantia and sgb said.