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Original poster

Staggered that school let my ex pick up daughter an hour early from school without contacting me until she had left the building.

205 replies

chocolatespiders · 09/03/2012 18:02

Been split for year and have a contact agreement reached through mediation..
He has dd every other weekend (although isnt having her next weekend as he is going away)

Anyway few weeks ago ex goes into school with our contact agreement tells the school he is picking dd up early, goes back an hour later and takes dd sobbing out of the school. Ex is not known by the school as he has never been in there and has never attended parents evening so they don't know him although he is an emergency contact on dd's forms.

Head spoke to dd on her own and dd told her that yes she does see her dad regularly but that I was picking her up that day. She was then carried out if the school crying.

I cant believe that the school didn't think to give me a quick call to check this out.

School said well he had a contact order with him- but this does not give clear indication of who has dd on which dates.

I realise that ex put the school into a very difficult situation but I am still shocked at this and think about it every day when walking to pick dd up. Not nice for dd either who was taken out in the middle of lesson completely unexpected.

OP posts:
Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:08

should have said

He would have not known that they phoned Mum as he would not have been there, he was returning in an hour !

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:09

Mother may have cone storming into school and caused the 'scene'.... School would be in a position then as the child would need to leave with an angry parent. And police may be called. I guess school wmant to avoid the 2 parents meeting on school grounds...

The parents in this case gave been through court, so reasonable to assume there are resentments on both sides

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:10

I would also say that if the father was "making a scene" at being held up for a minute in collecting his DD then even more reason for the school to wonder if there is a prob as that is not normal behaviour. Especially when combined with the fact he has never collected before and wants to remove her early etc.

ChocHobNob · 10/03/2012 10:10

Sardine, like I said, I do not think a quick phone call was absolutely the wrong thing to do. I have never said that. I have said that technically the school have done nothing wrong. They can release a child to a father. The issue was not that they didn't ring her at all. The issue was that they didn't ring her before releasing the child to the father.

They did ring her before so she didn't need to go to the school.

Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:10

I am really surprised that people think that the school shouldn't have to contact OP just to let her know.

It is about the childs welfare and they have aresponsibilty.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:12

I agree with you avantia.

If say DD's grand-pa turned up at school unexpectedly and wanted to take her out early I would expect them to call me. And they recognise him, he picks her up sometimes.

ChocHobNob · 10/03/2012 10:13

They did ring her to inform her Avantia. That isn't the issue.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:14

Unless he had a good reason obviously.

OP has not said what reason the dad gave or why DD was crying

ModreB · 10/03/2012 10:15

Ermm, anyone else wondering why the OP has not been seen for dust since the first post?

ChocHobNob · 10/03/2012 10:15

OP said

"Yes the school phoned but only to say dd had left with her dad just so I was waiting outside the class for dd to appear. Which I would have been 5 mins later."

So they rang her so she wasn't waiting for DD to leave class.

Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:15

ChocHobNob It is is the issue - read the thread title .

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:16

I am surprised that people and schools are apparently so relaxed about children being removed early without prior warning.

Our school isn't! And I am quite happy about that TBH.

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:16

Sardine.....your child's grandpa is entirely different, not sure why you used that example?

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:17

Sardine... Could you yourself not turn up at your child's school and remove that child instantly then?

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:17

But why would the school ring her then?

Surely they either want to check OP is aware etc and call right at the start - they had an hour

Or they think it's OK and don't call at all and are surprised to see OP turn up for DD

What they did makes no logical sense at all.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:18

Boston why is my child's grandpa entirely different?

The school know him
He picks up sometimes
He is down as an emergency contact

Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:18

five minutes later after the phone call from school she would have been waiting at the classroom to pick her up .

They had sufficient time to make a call previously .

ChocHobNob · 10/03/2012 10:18

Sardine, we have no idea why he went to collect her or in fact what he told the school. Perhaps he lied and told the school mum has agreed it. What if you asked DD's Grand-pa to collect her, he got to the school, told them you had sent him. He could have lied. Would you expect the school to ring you then? It wouldn't be practical. The amount of people who turn up at the school my children are in and say mum has asked me to collect little today. It wouldn't be practical for the school to ring every single parent. It is a regular, daily occurrence.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:19

And if I just turned up at the school out of the blue and wanted to take DD out without prior notice and a good reason, they would ask some pretty searching questions I'm sure.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 10/03/2012 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:19

This is not a regular daily occurrence - look at the circumstances please.

ChocHobNob · 10/03/2012 10:20

Avantia you said "I am really surprised that people think that the school shouldn't have to contact OP just to let her know"

That's exactly what they did. But now it appears, not in acceptable time frame.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:20

I don't think large amounts of people turn up at schools every day wanting to take their children out early without prior notice.

edam · 10/03/2012 10:20

Quite, Sardine. If a stranger - to the school - turned up unannounced to take ds an hour before school finishes the very least I'd expect would be a phone call to ask me if this is OK.

Parents don't usually turn up an hour early demanding to collect their child, outside an emergency. The school had plenty of time to call the OP, who they know full well is the resident parent, before the child was handed over. And they should not hand over a distressed child to a stranger.

I think this is a safeguarding issue and they need to review their procedures.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:22

Choc

DDs school will not release children at going home time to people they do not recognise, without prior warning (note in bag)
If grandpa turned up at lunchtime and said he needed to take DD out right now then he would have to give a pretty bloody good reason. As would I if I tried to do that. If grandpa had never been to school before then yes I would expect them to phone.