Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Staggered that school let my ex pick up daughter an hour early from school without contacting me until she had left the building.

205 replies

chocolatespiders · 09/03/2012 18:02

Been split for year and have a contact agreement reached through mediation..
He has dd every other weekend (although isnt having her next weekend as he is going away)

Anyway few weeks ago ex goes into school with our contact agreement tells the school he is picking dd up early, goes back an hour later and takes dd sobbing out of the school. Ex is not known by the school as he has never been in there and has never attended parents evening so they don't know him although he is an emergency contact on dd's forms.

Head spoke to dd on her own and dd told her that yes she does see her dad regularly but that I was picking her up that day. She was then carried out if the school crying.

I cant believe that the school didn't think to give me a quick call to check this out.

School said well he had a contact order with him- but this does not give clear indication of who has dd on which dates.

I realise that ex put the school into a very difficult situation but I am still shocked at this and think about it every day when walking to pick dd up. Not nice for dd either who was taken out in the middle of lesson completely unexpected.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:39

I think that if he has never been to the school before, so no-one recognises him, and the DD is crying and saying she is expecting her mum, then there should be some questions TBH.

DD1 is in recep and they have to have pretty strict ideas about who is picking up and when, until they recognise etc. A crying child and a person they didn't recognise would not = off you go then have a nice weekend I don't think.

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:41

Why did he need to take her out of school early anyway? Why was she crying at going with her dad?

zookeeper · 09/03/2012 21:43

I think the school should have checked if the father had parental responsibility; it's not clear if he has. If he has it then the school is not at fault.

RitaMorgan · 09/03/2012 21:49

He's an emergency contact on her forms
He has a contact order
He presumably has PR as the child was born after 2003

All the school had to do was check he was who he said he was.

They can't legally prevent a parent from leaving with their child. Even if a parent turns up blind drunk, they have to hand the child over (though might call the police after).

allnewtaketwo · 09/03/2012 21:51

I agree with colditz. If the OP had picked her child up early from school, would it be expected for the scheol to call the OP

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:51

Surely confronted with a sobbing child and a man who they have never seen before removing her early from school without any warning from the parent who normally drops off and picks up...

Surely a phone call wouldn't have gone amiss?

allnewtaketwo · 09/03/2012 21:51

I meant, would it be expected for the school to call the child's father

allnewtaketwo · 09/03/2012 21:52

But the crying could have been for anything - going for injection/dentist/ etc etc etc.

Do we know yet from the OP what the reason was for the early pick-up?

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:52

If a woman who they had never seen before turned up and said they were taking the child early and the child was crying and saying I'm not supposed to be going with you....

Well, yes, obviously.

RitaMorgan · 09/03/2012 21:53

They couldn't have held the child while they made the phonecall if the dad wanted to take her.

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:54

I think the point here is that he had never been to the school before.

Someone the school has never seen before taking the child out early and the child crying... yes whether the person is called mum, dad, sister, granny, I would think a phone call to the person who normally picks up is in order.

allnewtaketwo · 09/03/2012 21:56

But he's an emergency contact (presumably upon agreement by OP). If OP was happy for the school to have him listed as emergency contact, then why would they call if he turns up one day to pick up his child? I doubt many emergency contacts actually turn up at school very often. The word "emergency" would imply the reason for this.

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 21:57

But they don't know him, they've never seen him before.

SardineQueen · 09/03/2012 22:00

Our school if anyone they haven't met is picking up they want a note in the bag. That includes grandparents etc. Once they know them it's OK.

Someone they don't know taking child out early, child crying and saying mummy is supposed to be picking up... Surely a quick call wouldn't have hurt?

I don't understand why he picked her up early and why she was crying anyway.

colditz · 09/03/2012 22:05

And what if the OP had been in a car accident and therefore couldn't be reached on the phone - and therefore the child's father (emergancy contact, remember?) turns up to pick the child up? Should the school make him sit there and wait until the OP was to get out of hospital and answer her phone?

RitaMorgan · 09/03/2012 22:06

So long as he proved who he was (eg. Mr John Smith and Betty Smith says he is her dad) then that's all they need to know, surely?

allnewtaketwo · 09/03/2012 22:07

"Someone they don't know taking child out early, child crying and saying mummy is supposed to be picking up... Surely a quick call wouldn't have hurt?"

It wasn't someone, it was the child's father!

baabaapinksheep · 09/03/2012 22:24

Those of you saying that the school should of called the op, what were the school supposed to do after that?? The school would not be able to stop the xp taking dd, so how would a phonevall to the op help?

solidgoldbrass · 09/03/2012 22:32

I still want to know what this man thought he was doing. When contact has been arranged after a separation, the NRP doesn't have the entitlement to turn up at random, unannounced, and insist on seeing the DC no matter where they are, contact is supposed to take place at prearranged, agreed times. This sounds like a bit of willy-waving ie now he's got his contact order he wants to demonstrate that he can Do What He Likes. Might be time to go back to court and get it put in writing what times he is and is not due to see DD, and inform the school of this.

MollieO · 09/03/2012 22:43

Maybe she didn't want to leave school early? I've had to collect ds (7) early twice this week for appointments and he's been cross even though he's wanted to go to them.

simpson · 09/03/2012 22:48

Has he picked her up from the school before??

Do the school know who he is??

I specifically had a meeting with DC HT over this matter yesterday and she said that if a parent has PR there is nothing they can do to stop him taking the child out of school however there are ways that they can delay him taking my DC off the premises until they have confirmed with me that it is ok.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 08:20

If OP had had a car accident I would expect the dad to tell school that she had had a car accident and they would take it from there.

The school had never seen him before
He was not supposed to be collecting her that day

Why are people so adamant that the school should not even try to call the OP to check whether this was the arrangement? What is the harm in calling her?

I don't understand why he was taking her out early and why she was crying to go with her dad TBH.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 08:21

simpson that is what I would have thought.

Like I say, our school does not hand the children over to people they do not recognise, irrespective of what their relationship is.

runningforthebusinheels · 10/03/2012 08:35

Our school wouldn't let a KS1 child be taken out early, by a parent not known to the school, where the child was crying and saying 'but mummy's picking me up'. No way, they would always make a phone call.

In fact, when dd was in Kindergarten, dh had the day off and went down to collect her at normal home time. I thought it would be fine, as he's down as emergency contact, but they did phone me to check because I hadn't told them he would be collecting, and he had never dropped off or collected her before. Poor dh.

Floggingmolly · 10/03/2012 09:39

If she sees her father regularly, why was she "carried out of school sobbing"? Why did she think there was anything to fear? . If it really happened in such a dramatic way I'm sure the school would have raised some concerns, are you sure it's not just you miffed at your ex?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9