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Original poster

Staggered that school let my ex pick up daughter an hour early from school without contacting me until she had left the building.

205 replies

chocolatespiders · 09/03/2012 18:02

Been split for year and have a contact agreement reached through mediation..
He has dd every other weekend (although isnt having her next weekend as he is going away)

Anyway few weeks ago ex goes into school with our contact agreement tells the school he is picking dd up early, goes back an hour later and takes dd sobbing out of the school. Ex is not known by the school as he has never been in there and has never attended parents evening so they don't know him although he is an emergency contact on dd's forms.

Head spoke to dd on her own and dd told her that yes she does see her dad regularly but that I was picking her up that day. She was then carried out if the school crying.

I cant believe that the school didn't think to give me a quick call to check this out.

School said well he had a contact order with him- but this does not give clear indication of who has dd on which dates.

I realise that ex put the school into a very difficult situation but I am still shocked at this and think about it every day when walking to pick dd up. Not nice for dd either who was taken out in the middle of lesson completely unexpected.

OP posts:
Avantia · 10/03/2012 10:41

Sorry leaving thread as have footie match to go to.....

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:42

Avantia, did you say you were a governor??

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 10/03/2012 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baabaapinksheep · 10/03/2012 10:44

They rang her afterwards to let her know that xp had collected dd so she didn't end up going to collect her as well.

Since OP has not said in any way that xp is a danger to dd, then assuming that this would not be the case, he had every right to take dd out of school and even if the school phoned the op they would still be in the same position.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:45

"I think op says the call to her was to prevent her coming all the way to school at pick up time"

Which indicates that the school knew that the mum didn't know, and still didn't bother checking in the hour they had.

That is even worse!

baabaapinksheep · 10/03/2012 10:48

Unless the OP and her xp have an agreement about who has dd when, then it isn't any more the OP's right to remove dd from school than it is her xp. And them both turning up to argue over who is having dd most certainley would of caused a scene!

Floggingmolly · 10/03/2012 10:49

But Rhinosdonteatpancakes Op as no such agreement, and, given that her ex is listed as an emergency contact it would seem that from the schools perspective anyway, that there is no need for one. I'm curious actually, what would spend in an actual emergency situation? Could the school still be castigated for releasing the child to him then, when they would have actual written permission to do so?

baabaapinksheep · 10/03/2012 10:49

SardineQueen - what would the school have legally been able to do if the OP said that she didn't want dd leaving with xp?

Floggingmolly · 10/03/2012 10:49

Happen, not spend

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:51

They do have an agreement about who has DD when. Her ex took the DD when it was not the arrangement.

I would have thought that anyone the school don't recognise, turning up unexpectedly and saying they want to remove child early, would merit a quick call to the usual picker-upper to check that was the arrangement.

I would have thought that was common sense.

Bizarrely people on here suggesting that the school knew it was not the right arrangement, yet decided not to call in the hour they had and have a crying child carried off school property, and that was the right thing to do Confused

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:54

It's probably a minefield for schools in this day and age !! More separated parents and step parents
involved etc

baabaapinksheep · 10/03/2012 10:55

I don't think that the xp taking dd out of school crying was the right thing, but what could the school do to stop him? Phoning the OP would not have stopped him.

Boston2Step · 10/03/2012 10:57

Wonder why she was crying? As the head had taken her into his office to speak to her I'm sure he had some understanding if the situation. Maybe she was upset over something simple like a promised after school treat, which would now be postponed, and wasnt crying because her dad was taking her early.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 10:58

baabaa can you honestly not think of any reasons that the school phoning the mum would have been potentially or actually helpful?

baabaapinksheep · 10/03/2012 11:01

Beside the OP dashing to school to get to dd before the xp and possibly engaging in an argument with him at the school, no I don't see how it would be helpful. Please do enlighten me.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 10/03/2012 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 11:19

Why the sarcasm?

OP could go and collect
OP could take other action
OP would know what was going on
OP could ask school to contact authorities if necessary

I would like to be enlightened as to why it would have been wrong of the school to make a quick call in the space of the hour.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 11:22

I am surprised it is not more usual in the schools on here to require notice if a child is going to be dropped off or collected outside of the usual times, and if there is someone doing it who they did not recognise.

I also find it odd the school decided to question the DD over her relationship with her dad before making a call as to whether to release her or not, but did not think to make a quick call.

Posters on here would say that the questions asked of the DD should not have been asked as well I guess.

SardineQueen · 10/03/2012 11:27

I suppose the obvious answer is that mum could ring dad and ask him why he was doing removing DD from school early when that wasn't the arrangement. May be able to sort it out.

Avantia · 10/03/2012 11:36

Right back after dropping DS off ..

Boston - yes I am a school governor - is that a problem for you ?

RedHelenB · 10/03/2012 12:14

Legally the school can't stop him unless a court order states he must have no unsupervised contact with his child.

Hulababy · 10/03/2012 12:27

Does he have parental responsibility? If so, they legally can't stop him unless there is a court order preventing him.

In our school we ask parents if there is any problems to let us know asap and we will issue warning notes to staff that if the parent turns up unplanned then we try to delay them as long as possible, move the child to another part of the school for a while if we can and call the resident parent. However, legally if the parent insists on taking the child we are not allowed to stop them.

Hulababy · 10/03/2012 12:32

Even if the school had called the mum and she had said no, the school still legally could not have prevented him from taking the child. The school do not have that power. They can alert the mum and mum can get to school asap, but if the father with PR is intent on taking the child school are not allowed to stop him from doing so.

Hulababy · 10/03/2012 12:34

Avantia - as a school governor I am surprised that you do not know that legally the school cannot stop the father from taking the child in such a situation. They can try to persuade him to wait until the mum arrives, they can try to delay it, but they cannot stop it.

Avantia · 10/03/2012 12:37

My issue is that the school should have called the mother alot earlier than they did in these circumstances .