Lesbians: would you date a trans woman?

[Roxietrees]

As a lesbian, I’ve come from the perspective a few years back (when I had a large social circle of other lesbians, some trans men and trans women) of fully supporting all trans rights and the idea that TWAW, to now a few years down the line where I’ve done a total U turn. Due to hearing of a few experiences of lesbian friends & acquaintances who have felt pressured to date trans women, and if they rejected the advances of a trans woman being told they were transphobic by “just reducing a person to their genitals”. While I fully believe in human rights for all and think trans people deserve to be respected and accepted, I don’t believe it’s transphobic to, as a lesbian, only fancy biological women. And I don’t believe lesbians should have to put up with abuse and being called transphobic. IMO it’s erasing and invalidating homosexuality (which, for those of us who were teens pre 2000 was often a very difficult thing to accept and learn to accept in ourselves). Just to now be told “people’s genitals don’t matter”. Fuck that! It makes me sad that some young lesbians are feeling pressured to have sex/relationships with people with penises just because they’re scared of looking like bigots/transphobic.

What I find interesting is that every hardcore lesbian trans rights supporter I know has never ever dated or expressed any romantic interest in a trans woman. If they believe that they are genuinely woman then why wouldn’t they be interested in dating them just like they would any other women?

Totally climbing aboard team LGB Alliance! But to be clear I don’t hate trans people, I believe their struggle is real and that they deserve a life free from discrimination. However, as a lesbian my first priority is always going to be protecting the rights of my own community.

Would be interested in other opinions

Far from zero, and it's growing.

Despite the nonsense often spouted on here there are many trans women who pass, ie. look every bit a woman, and there are men, straight men, who are attracted to them. Many gay men are not interested in trans women, and trans women attract more interest from men than they did when they were gay men.

Apart from the 95 %+ who retain their penises, so not quite every bit....
Interested to know actual proven statistics though to back up your assertion.

I have reported your post for homophobia

men aren’t lesbians

I don’t hate men but I don’t think men who think they’re women should in women only spaces.

if you’d date anyone with a penis you’re not a lesbian. It is deeply homophobic today otherwise.

But he’s so much happier since discovering he’s a lesbian!

It’s all so bizarre, had to read his statement a few times to realise wtf he was talking about. The reality is he’s a young autistic adult who’s found his network online and 💯 believes it the route to happiness.

Would a lesbian date a trans woman…? I suppose if they want to get involved with a person with a penis, then, yes…?

He is not a lesbian

men can’t be lesbians

you are homophobic

Then they are not a lesbian

I know he’s not.

I don’t find TW attractive at all. Apart from still usually looking male, which, being a lesbian, is a turn off, behaviour was still also very male. I’ve met a couple who genuinely pass very well, but as soon as you have a conversation it’s obvious, the way they flirt, the way they smell, lots of subtle things that you don’t really notice until you’re in that situation.

Sadly fetish-like behaviour is very common, and in group situations (socials, walking groups and similar) after the initial “performance of womanhood”, the facade tends to drop quickly and quite disturbing behaviour surfaces. The ability to sit back and let women do the work was also very male. (I should add that this was when I was part of a LGBTQ + social group in the 2010s. Post 2014/15 it became more hostile towards lesbians and bi women who didn’t want to go out with TW - hostility came from gay men, TW, TM and NBs, most lesbians, even the TWAW ones left by 2016/17).

I find certain TM and NB women attractive, but the very fact that they are TM or NB and rejecting their sex is a mega turn off.

My honest opinion on this is that any lesbian considering a relationship with a TW pre or post op isn’t a lesbian. A man is a man whatever he does to himself, and no lesbian would be interested in him.

I'm not a lesbian so possibly shouldn't post. My straight son has just found out his bio female gf wants to identify as a man. They don't ever want a sex change.

In ds eyes it's very simple. He isn't attracted to men so it's over. He isn't gay, he is straight. There's no complexity to explore. He does not want a boyfriend even a pretty one in a dress with long hair and boob's.

At the end of the day no woman gets called fat phobic if they wouldn't date a morbidly obese man. No woman gets called ageist If at 18 she refused to date a 60 year old man.

I don't get why trans people would get free pass to say its trans phobic if anyone won't date them for any reason? Imagine if a man got to say "your bald phobic and hurting my feelings because I'm bald you owe me a shag"

A get out jail card would be "I don't find you at all attractive. And if you want to push that I'd just rather be single. It's not care in community to date you. I don't owe you that favour"

Not a lesbian but if you can’t reduce who you’re sexually attracted to by their genitals what criteria can you use?

Stop saying he is, then!

Lesbian reporting for duty: no, I wouldn't.

I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual, but I wouldn’t date a TW.

I wouldn't date someone who thought the earth was flat, who held certain religious / political beliefs etc... I just couldn't find their mindset attractive even if physically they looked fantastic! So, for that reason, I would be highly unlikely to find a TW compatible/ attractive.

I am physically attracted to women, I like sporty/ athletic women, some soft butch types... and at the far end of that spectrum I am attracted to some NB/ TM but it's women with swagger I like... not men who have feminised themselves.

I’m bisexual. I like androgynous, athletic women, and ‘rough round the edges’ men. Men who cross dress, or women who deliberately grow facial hair, and remove body parts (or add useless appendages) completely turn me off. Because they are no longer truthful to their sex. It’s an uncanny valley thing. It’s not the same as women looking ‘butch’. It’s just not. I wish I could articulate it better, but I can’t. Uncanny valley is the best I can do!

There’s no such thing as a ‘sex change’. She’s still female. They’re still in a heterosexual relationship. She just might look a bit more ‘tomboyish’. That’s it. Nothing material has changed! Don’t get me wrong, he’s entitled to end the relationship for whatever reason, and if she’s so deluded as to think she can ‘become’ a man, he’s well out of it, but her ‘identifying’ as a man is a fiction.

The thing is, what "does it" for most people is not embroidery or biking - its someone's smell, feel, their looks and how they move. And pretty much all of it is steeped in your biology. Not your feels, your cosmetic surgery or your gender philosophy.

Yes, for sure. Why not?

Personality? Physique? General looks?

I think that's called appropriation.

So in that context would they be gay or lesbian?

I'm a straight woman. Despite having just shy of half the population 'available' to me, I can count the number of men I have genuinely been attracted to on my fingers.

It's utterly bizarre to make anyone feel that who you want to date, and are sexually attracted to, is anything other than hugely personal.

Anyone does so will have an agenda, and you can bet that agenda doesn't have the needs of women at its core.

I am pansexual. But I have a strong draw toward a kind of male presentation. I have been with men, with women and enjoy both. I dated a transman and that was grand, we split for issues unrelated to the way he presented, or genitalia, or sex, all that was grand. I do not find transwomen sexually attractive. I just don't. And I don't care what that makes me. I get to have sex with whoever the fuck I want.