Lesbians: would you date a trans woman?

[Roxietrees]

As a lesbian, I’ve come from the perspective a few years back (when I had a large social circle of other lesbians, some trans men and trans women) of fully supporting all trans rights and the idea that TWAW, to now a few years down the line where I’ve done a total U turn. Due to hearing of a few experiences of lesbian friends & acquaintances who have felt pressured to date trans women, and if they rejected the advances of a trans woman being told they were transphobic by “just reducing a person to their genitals”. While I fully believe in human rights for all and think trans people deserve to be respected and accepted, I don’t believe it’s transphobic to, as a lesbian, only fancy biological women. And I don’t believe lesbians should have to put up with abuse and being called transphobic. IMO it’s erasing and invalidating homosexuality (which, for those of us who were teens pre 2000 was often a very difficult thing to accept and learn to accept in ourselves). Just to now be told “people’s genitals don’t matter”. Fuck that! It makes me sad that some young lesbians are feeling pressured to have sex/relationships with people with penises just because they’re scared of looking like bigots/transphobic.

What I find interesting is that every hardcore lesbian trans rights supporter I know has never ever dated or expressed any romantic interest in a trans woman. If they believe that they are genuinely woman then why wouldn’t they be interested in dating them just like they would any other women?

Totally climbing aboard team LGB Alliance! But to be clear I don’t hate trans people, I believe their struggle is real and that they deserve a life free from discrimination. However, as a lesbian my first priority is always going to be protecting the rights of my own community.

Would be interested in other opinions

I wouldn’t date a trans-person of either sex, nor a trans ally, as I think the ideology is dangerous, unethical, and delusional. I feel so angry that women are being coerced into sex with these men and it’s OK by society because the men claim they are women. It’s a disgrace.

No, I wouldn’t date a transwomen, either pre or post operation . I am attracted to women.
i have to be careful about how I frame my view (or not share them!) with my teenage children and other young family members. That said, I have always said that women and men don’t have to be defined by their genitals and can do or present in anyway they like. And I talk about body acceptance of one’s self, and that surgery doesn’t make someone the opposite sex. But I have never said that trans women are women as such.

i do have concerns that lesbians are being eroded. I am comfortable with being a lesbian. I came out in the nineties, and whilst I was much more likely to be shouted at in the street, we also had strong networks - lesbian groups, events, pubs, clubs. It felt so fabulous being part of that. It has all gone now - anything like that is LBGT plus, and , in my area, such groups are mainly used by the trans and gender NB and the poly communities. Which is fine and I have no issue with those communities, but women stay away. When we have our local pride, it is really evident.

it is so sad.

Same. I’m dismayed when folk think the solution is for trans identifying people to date bi people. Fuck off! It’s the cognitive dissonance that’s expected of us, otherwise we’re bigots and trans phones. My life cannot become about your game of Emperor’s New Clothes.

Obviously! You are just being silly.

So 2 gay men who call themselves lesbians?!

A man at my work says he’s a lesbian and wants to be called they. He has many health issues and evidently his mental health is also an issue. He can ask whatever he wants but I couldn’t be bothered to encourage his delusions.

I follow a lesbian couple on social media and over the years one of them has pretty much transitioned, obviously on hormones and would now easily pass for a bloke. I always wonder how his partner feels about this, I mean they seem happy, but her partner now presents and acts quite differently. I'm not sure how that works on the attraction front.

Where'smyflag said she's only interested in women who look like women, I imagine a butch woman who looks like a man would fall in the same category as man who doesn't look much like a woman, whatever he calls himself.

Nope

Two TW dating are in a gay male relationship.

I am a lesbian, meaning that I am sexually attracted to women. A TW is a man, ergo I wouldn't date or have anything to do with him, not only because he's not a woman but because he's delusional, coercive and a liar.

Thank you for that articulate, well reasoned contribution to the debate; you’ve really made me think.

a trans woman isn't a man she is a woman and she is a her her identity is a woman and you can't decide her gender and we don't accept you in the community its LGBTQ not LGBQ newgenn byee ur mentally ill btw you're the delusional mentally ill liar a trans woman is a woman SHE is a she and she is not a he and she will always remain a she and you're not accepted in the community you're not regina george you're just george 💋 if trans ppl are mentally ill u homosexual is ill too TWAW. TMAM. Beach PROTECT THE DOLLS. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. newgen

Well this has convinced me

also your post below where you tell a lesbian to kill herself for being same sex attracted.

Gosh how rational and convincing! Well if I have understood your post that is…

🤣🤣🤣

Gosh, your well-constructed, rational discourse has convinced me that I must move on from my female partner and seek out a penis-owner as the next Mrs RunsABit immediately.

It really is hard to imagine. I had no idea that women were one homogeneous mass and we all behave the same 🤷‍♀️. I must have missed my instruction sheet on how we are supposed to behave and act. Can I just clarify please for my understanding then how women are supposed to behave?

scream if they see a spider?
refuse to take the bins out
giggle and say they couldn’t possibly read a map
like going clothes shopping
Like getting their nails done

thats it is it, for all of us, including the butch lesbians?

Im really worried now that I’ve been “womaning” wrong for 50 years. And that’s just outward behaviour. I’m even more confused by all these men saying that they feel like a woman. How are we are feeling? Obviously the same, because you either feel like a man or a woman. So all women must feel the same. How do I know what other women feel like and if I’m getting that right? Please help.

And no I would date anyone who was “trans”, not even if I was bisexual. Mental health issues is a big red flag for me.

It’s all so sad and backwards isn’t it. Saying that men behave the same, and all women behave the same. Like we’ve gone backwards in time to the 1940s with rigid gender stereotypes. Why can’t individuals like anything they want and feel ny way they want without falling for a stereotype of thinking well that must mean I’m the opposite sex. Women should be allowed to like football and car mechanics without declaring they’re a man. Men should be able to wear what they want and get their nails painted and like knitting without deciding such interests mean they’re a woman.

So what is it about their feelings which makes them convinced they’re the opposite sex. I’ve never seen anyone be able to explain it without resorting to unnecessary and outdated stereotypes.

Yes

You are not a lesbian so the question wasn't for you....