Lesbians: would you date a trans woman?

[Roxietrees]

As a lesbian, I’ve come from the perspective a few years back (when I had a large social circle of other lesbians, some trans men and trans women) of fully supporting all trans rights and the idea that TWAW, to now a few years down the line where I’ve done a total U turn. Due to hearing of a few experiences of lesbian friends & acquaintances who have felt pressured to date trans women, and if they rejected the advances of a trans woman being told they were transphobic by “just reducing a person to their genitals”. While I fully believe in human rights for all and think trans people deserve to be respected and accepted, I don’t believe it’s transphobic to, as a lesbian, only fancy biological women. And I don’t believe lesbians should have to put up with abuse and being called transphobic. IMO it’s erasing and invalidating homosexuality (which, for those of us who were teens pre 2000 was often a very difficult thing to accept and learn to accept in ourselves). Just to now be told “people’s genitals don’t matter”. Fuck that! It makes me sad that some young lesbians are feeling pressured to have sex/relationships with people with penises just because they’re scared of looking like bigots/transphobic.

What I find interesting is that every hardcore lesbian trans rights supporter I know has never ever dated or expressed any romantic interest in a trans woman. If they believe that they are genuinely woman then why wouldn’t they be interested in dating them just like they would any other women?

Totally climbing aboard team LGB Alliance! But to be clear I don’t hate trans people, I believe their struggle is real and that they deserve a life free from discrimination. However, as a lesbian my first priority is always going to be protecting the rights of my own community.

Would be interested in other opinions

I would but I am not a lesbian. Not sure what my designation is, maybe pansexual? Mine is a people thing and not at all linked to their sexual organs or what gender they present as.

If you (would) date either men or women then you’re bisexual.

You’re not a lesbian if you date men who claim to be women

Of course I am. If I hold the philosophical belief that trans women are women and I am also a woman then I am a woman who is attracted to women (i.e. a lesbian).
Of course- i wouldn't expect the many many transphobes of MN to understand that people have different viewpoints to them.
Additionally OPs original question was Lesbians: would you date a trans woman?
If OP does not believe lesbians who would date trans women are indeed lesbians then the question needn't be asked?

No. I know 2 who do though and lots who date trans men.

Of course you may not believe I am a lesbian as that does not fit your chosen definition. But I can still choose to identify and present myself as a lebisan whether you believe that or not

Totally agree. Read Alison Bailey’s mission statement if you haven’t already x

My son is a transwoman. He’s dating another transwoman. I have no idea what that means in terms of sexuality.

No.

They are gay men.

Gay men, dressed as women. You couldn’t make it up.

So a man dating a man. He’s either gay or possibly bisexual if he likes women too.

Lesbians date women, not men. If women date men then they’re not lesbians.

The world’s insane.

He’s been married twice and has three children.

I’d add that he’s probably confused and would benefit from some he,p with his mental health. Healthy thinking people accept their biological sex and their sexuality depends on that.

Well sort of I suppose but I have been attracted to trans and non binary people. You can try to pop them simple in one box or another but they don't see it like that and nor do I. I know a few people who are non binary and they are genuinely in the middle of a gender. I just don't think it's as simple as what is between your legs. I suppose I see it differently from you is all.

a few years ago DH was telling me that TWAW, so I asked him if in that case he'd date a TW. No he wouldn't . So no one really believes it

Exactly

He’s had a lot of ‘help’. Unfortunately if you declare that you are the wrong sex and you want to change, every health professional falls over themselves to support and affirm.

My colleague says she has a “Husband “ - this person is clearly a woman. They are both lovely and I would say lesbians. But I wouldn’t point this out to them as it would cause upset. And I have no reason to upset them.

I always refer to the “husband “ by her name, I just can’t say “him” or “he”.

My colleague is autistic and has had a lot of mental health issues. But she’s the sweetest person and spends her life doing community work. They both do.

You're not unreasonable at all. I am straight and I wouldn't date a trans man as I am not attracted to female body parts. I also wouldn't be attracted to a trans woman, but that's not because I think they're women: I just wouldn't find a man in makeup and a wig attractive in the slightest.

That he's gay, as it's a same sex relationship. It would be the same if neither of them were trans.

Yeah, that must be hard for you as his parent.

I would say almost certainly they wouldn't. Also gay men and trans men. That's something that annoys me about that mealy mouthed prat Owen Jones.

TWANotW they are men with a fetish/mental illness or personality disorder, as a lesbian I would not entertain the idea of dating a bloke who likes to play ‘Lets pretend’ and wants to erode women only spaces.

I am a lesbian who is attracted to other lesbians only and will defend my right to refuse to play along with the gaslighting that had gone in for far too many years. Proudly a TERF and very prone to pulling idiots and handmaidens up on this issue.

Yes, it’s a fucking nightmare.