Social sevices risk

[Helpwithsocialservices]

Hi.
My partner was charged with downloading indecent images, they were in cache files only and had viewed them by clicking on a link someone set him in a chat room. He never asked for then. He was charge for the offence.
We have a 1 year old daughter and social sevices are involved saying he is high risk and can no longer live with us. Although his court order says there is nothing legally stopping him being in the property
I stand by him and want our family back together but social sevices are being very difficult. Is there anything we can do legally that can put him back in the property? Really need some help and advice on this

If, when my now adult children were still young, I had ever accidentally downloaded such disgusting stuff, I would have immediately called the police, and probably vomited as well.

When the police arrived I would have expected them to take away whatever Internet accessible items I had, and then taken me to a police station for questioning. I would have also readily agred to my children being taken to their Grandparents, or to whomever completely trustworthy friends or family I had, that both I and the SS agreed were appropriate. If there was absolutely no-one suitable that I knew personally, I would have broken heartedly had to agree to the children being taken temporarily in to care.

If my husband had been the one charged all those years ago with such a horrendous crime, I know that he would have immediately offered to, or agreed to, stay away from the children for the length of any legal proceedings. That would have broken his, my, and the children's hearts, but he would have done it to save there being any chance of the children being removed by SS. If I did not believe that he would have agreed to such an order, I could not have loved him, or have ever been able to be intimate with me, in fact, I would have probably wanted to kill him.

Neither my husband's, or my reactions, to being accused of such an inhumane crime, would have made us not believe whole heartedly in each others innocence, we would have just been wanting to protect our child, or children, from such a dramatic, and traumatic event.

Why @Helpwithsocialservices, do you and your partner, not feel exactly the same?

Me too. Surely it can't be real.

If you want to keep your child i suggest you listen to what social services say. I know somebody that lost custody of their children through similar circumstances.

I don't understand why this is a difficult choice. I have absolute faith in my dp's good character and love him with all my heart, but if it was a choice between him and the dc, out he'd go.

I think you are being naive about your partner. How did the police get involved? I work in this area, and my experience is that no one is sending unasked for child porn around the internet, it's a closed circle.

Wake up. Just wake up.

In my (professional) experience, sex offenders are the most manipulative characters ever. He is grooming you.

I know how it feels from a personal perspective too...good ol' Steve next door. Loveliest man ever, wife a professional working with children. He got done for child sex abuse images. We were all shocked until, when you start reflecting and drilling down on his behaviour you start to realise the manipulation at play.

Makes me shudder you'd consider prioritising him over your child

You do realise the “I downloaded it by accident/someone sent it to me without me asking” is what they ALL say?

Your naivety is staggering tbh.

I’m not gonna pile on and say he’s lying or you’re being naive, but did this version of events come from him or someone higher up? I had a work colleague who believed her partner was in court for a big misunderstanding. Turns out he had 3 rape allegations against him with solid evidence. She had no idea.

either way I’m sorry this has happened to your family x

I googled a question about ankle monitors the other day because I don't know much about them. Google sent me to a subreddit that was support for sex offenders. Out of horror and morbid curiosity I scrolled through for half an hour and found out that our justice system is completely overwhelmed and most of the people charged with CSAM wouldn't spend time in prison, and even more people don't even get found because of how stretched the resources are. There's absolutely no way he's telling you the truth

They do on occasion - but it's normally when an electronic device has been taken in as part of a separate criminal investigation.

I would advise anyone who has their whatsapp settings set to automatically download chat media to their phone to change those settings asap. As those settings allow the potential for indecent images to be received and automatically downloaded to a device without the device owners knowledge (i.e. the device holder is part of large club whatsapp group that they rarely check/ have on mute). It's rare but it happens.

But it doesn't sound like this is what happened here as OP's partner was likely part of a seedy chat forum with unknown people - unlike whatsapp where the ordinary person wouldn't expect those type of indecent images to be sent to them. I imagine he was caught as part of a wider investigation into the chat forum.

In which case you need protecting from yourself.

If he pleads guilty or is found guilty then there is very little chance that he will be allowed access to your DC. Sadly you are minimising the seriousness of this offence. He chose to click on a link someone sent to him, instead of ignoring it as any sensible person would have done. The fact that he has been charged means that CPS believe the evidence is strong enough to likely secure a conviction.

People don’t just get sent these things in chat rooms, it is too much of a risk. Your partner was in specific chat rooms with a specific type of person.

Put your child first and quickly realise what has happened here before that child is taken from you.

(Also, what grown ass man is in chat rooms full stop. That’s for 13 year olds who’ve just discovered the internet.)

I don't buy it that somebody can innocently come across indecent images of children. I am worried for your child. (S)he has a peadophile as father and a foolish mother incapable of keeping him or her safe. I really hope social remove the child from your care.

Protect your child

Tbh I have been on forums and chat groups and clicked on links expecting something to do with gas suppliers or paint colours and suddenly porn pops up. No one is immune from these types of things

I hate to say it but I would actually be very concerned right now if your partner has ever sent anything in return for this material

There has been a recent influx of new posters who haven’t made or commented on threads before starting very emotive and rage bating threads.

Mumsnet are you able to look into this one please?

OP I have a baby girl and if I thought there even a slither of a possibility that my partner sought out these images or was engaging in chat rooms where these images are shared I wouldn't even be able to cope with him glancing in her direction without going absolutely feral wanting to protect her.

You need to get your priorities right. If he is cleared of the charges then great, you can work towards building a relationship again but until that happens use your brain and put your daughter first - don't even consider letting him near her or you

God never click on a link if you don't know what it's for. You can check the web address before you open it!

Actually they do and you can be in a chat group discussing diy/astrology/dogs/cats the weather and suddenly someone posts porn. It isn’t that uncommon

OP, I’m a foreign princess, and I have millions to share with you, if only you’ll send me £10k first to prove your bank account works…

(Just kidding, but apparently you’re very gullible to believe his lies so thought I’d try it)

If your priority is the wellbeing of your child, then you find a way for this man to live elsewhere until he has satisfied Social Services that he is not a risk to the child, and you don't let him have unsupervised access to the child until SS say this is ok.

If his priority is the wellbeing of the child he cooperates with this without complaint. If he doesn't then end the relationship.

If you don't do the above then you are a risk to the child too

Porn and child abuse images are not the same thing.

One is illegal to look at and have possession of one isn’t.

People who are “into” these things wouldn’t be risking blowing their cover by sending their sick and twisted videos to your average Joe.

Regular porn, maybe, indecent images of children. NO. That's a very specific market and no one would randomly post that stuff.