My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

I wish you had not have told the op that

What you’re describing is a very serious domestic violence incident in which your life could well have been at risk. Was this the first incident? I highly doubt it, and suspect at least emotional abuse has occurred before. It’s probably escalated over time though and peaked now as pregnancy is one of the times when domestic abuse is most likely to occur. The other is when leaving, so you need to keep that in mind right now, take any support aiming to keep you safe, continue with pressing charges and seek a non molestation order. Hopefully your sister, who has likely seen similar relationships before, can help you understand just how at risk you are. She can also hopefully help you understand that the actions of this man have NOTHING to do with your behaviour. He has always had choices about how he behaves and he chose to abuse you.

You don’t want to be tied to this man so however worried you are a termination is the best idea. Social services will be in touch, don’t be scared, take their help. The only thing you could do that would make your life truly worse is let him still be in your life and that is one of the main reasons why women have children removed is because they refuse to give up their violent partners.

Take care and good luck, you should press charges. Just remember violent men are violent men and there is often a pattern. I volunteered for a DV charity in a medium size town. Different women would name the same men, it happened all the time. Save yourself, save your children and potentially save other women.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you need to WAKE THE FUCK UP.

If he has put his hands around your throat he is at the recognised point of escalation that means he is likely to kill you.

He only has to hold on for ONE MINUTE and you're brain dead.

Gone.

Next time, and there will be a next time, you could be in the morgue and him in prison for life.

Get out NOW.

Don't let him make you another statistic.

The police said the risk of him actually killing me in the future rises to around 80% (or something he couldn’t remember off the top of his head) due to the fact he’s gone as far as to ‘strangle’ today.

Sorry I didn’t know why I put strangle in inverted commas

He knew all your past and all your trauma.

Still He made that choice to hurt you and also put his hands around your throat in an attempt to control you and potentially stop you breathing.

Remember that. Not a good man. Let him reflect in his police cell where the police will treat him decently and fairly.

So you’ve been through a traumatic time and knowing this, he still attacks you but you are justifying it because he “was there for you”?

and you’ve wasted a whole load of police time here if you decide to not press charges.

i suggest you really think about this. He’ll probably do it again because he knows you will do nothing about it.

Let the police deal with him wether he helped you through a tough time or not you still dont attack a women because she stands up to a man.
Dont be foolish and stay bound to this situation there is a peaceful life out there if you really want it.

Sounds flippant but you may not, next time, if he’s kills you and you won’t see your DCs either

How long until your sister with you op?

Good grief you poor woman.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I echo the above poster that everyone is very concerned for you.
You must be in terrible shock and you're scared.

Don't let him get away with that it's disgusting.

Take comfort from your sister and consider your options.

Xx

And they're right.

They deal with a woman dead at the hands of a man every 2 days in the UK.

They've seen it all before a million times.

LISTEN TO THEM.

I don't think that's the positive outcome you think it is

If he'll do that while you're pregnant God alone knows he'll do when the baby is here. If you're not going to walk away and press charges for your self do it for your Baby. He's fit to be any where near a baby.

Despite popular myth, there is no requirement for you to 'press charges'. However, if you make it clear that you will refuse to give evidence against him, this may well have much the same effect.

I'm not going to attempt any further advice. I hope you find a way through this.

Pregnancy is a time that domestic violence is known to escalate. And if you take him back, it will get worse. You need to think about your safety, your children’s safety and whether you want to risk having a violent, abusive man in all your lives. Have you checked via Sarah’s Law if he has history of domestic violence?

What?! @failedatlifee

OP, this will be reported to safeguarding and they will likely follow up on it. If you're found to be in contact with him when he's been arrested for attacking you, you risk your children being taken into care. I won't go into detail because it could be outing, but I work in this area.

Hopefully the children's father will make an emergency application for full custody, temporarily, until you can be trusted to make healthy relationship decisions and provide a safe home for them.

Why?

You can tell them you won’t cooperate with a prosecution but what happens next depends on the evidence they have. In a situation where a prosecution would need your witness evidence, it would be likely to be dropped for lack of evidence if you refuse to cooperate. However if they have other evidence they might proceed regardless.

Either way, he has assaulted you. Why would you want to let this slide? Please don’t go back to him.

Don't suppose he thought the same about you and your baby when he attacked you

He is where he deserves to be.

If he had any sort of remorse he would also say that he is in the place he deserves to be.

I work with men who are violent to their partners and many say getting arrested and then even sent to prison is the best thing that ever happened to them because they had to work on their own issues.

I have never attacked my partner like this and if I had I hope he’d call the police and never speak to me again.

Even your worst enemy doesn’t deserve this, so someone you’re supposed to love definitely doesn’t.

I know you’re in shock right now but this could have happened when your kids were home.
Imagine what he did to you but imagine them standing there watching you because that’s what will happen next time and I promise you that will scar them for life.

Leave him where he is and get an abortion asap.
You don’t want this man anywhere near your kids. He will think nothing if hurting them too.

Because I’d like social services involved with the op and her children for as long as possible