My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

I'm the child of a violent man. I have the DNA of a wife beating, coercively controlling misogynist. I have to live with that, and sometimes it's really hard. I hate it. I hate that I am his child, that that's what I've come from. I wish that women never had children with these men, because the child faces totally avoidable difficulties from the moment of conception.

But it isn't the fault of the child, and they are not their father. I know you probably didn't mean it that way, but children of abusers aren't an automatic waste of effort and resources.

Why?? If he attacked you, so why drop charges and why don’t you want him to be punished??

One day another woman might need this "prior charge" as proof of what he's done to her or god forbid her family if she's in hospital/dead

Yes, that’s why Sarah’s Law is so important - any prior charges of DV can be found. OP - have you checked if this man has done this before to any other women?

Just to say it's Clare's law for DV, Sarah's law for sexual abuse of a child.

So I was where you were about 18 months ago. I have a thread under a different username ‘called the police’ if you want to find it. I am coming out the other side. The night I called the police was the last time but one I saw him. The last time was as he was lead away by the police when he broke into my house. I learned later on he had been the same with at least 2 other women. He was a professional man who could talk his way out of anything….but he couldn’t out of this. I do feel sad and guilty often, but no way could I go back to my old life.

Find your support system, real and on line and lean on it. They gave me strength to keep going and start to rebuild.
Just keep putting one foot in front of another x

I have a child in my class with a permanent physical deformity due to being attacked by her father as an infant onwards.

The mum has admitted to us at school that she was emotionally trapped and groomed and couldn’t see that the attacks and beatings on herself would transfer to child. But it did. He attacked the baby , “lightly” at first and it took a fractured skull and broken fingers as a toddler for the mum to finally leave. The mum is very fragile still but is getting there.

My friends husband beat her to a pulp in front of their child. He is still fighting for 50:50. She thankfully left after that as it was the first and only physical attack. She was blue. The child saw it.

I realise you’re groomed. Lots of us have been even if not in the same way (guilt about sobbing in bullies at work, at school, guilt about confronting family members etc).

You need to stop feeling guilty. Your landlord may be able to switch you to a different property they have. I hope your sisters in the police have been able to offer some advice.

Please speak to women’s aid and see yourself as the worthy and important life that you are who does not deserve to be treated like this and should not be feeling guilty.

dear @Exasperated24 - pls pls read all the comments on here from people with similar experiences before dismissing the charges.
he was arrested so it must have been pretty bad.
call Women’s Aid. This has never happened to me so I don’t know as much as others on here but I do know that you should never ever be hit by your partner. EVER.
take a breath, make a plan and lean on the law and the wise women on here who can help you.
sending love xx

It’s important that he faces consequences for his behaviour. It’s important that he sees that he can’t get away with violence and that boundaries are enforced when he is violent. Otherwise his behaviour will continue to escalate. He doesn’t need sympathy and compassion from you right now. If you care about him you will help the police to enforce boundaries and consequences so he doesn’t escalate and end up with a life sentence for murder.

You are pregnant and he attacked you!! Was he thinking of you?!

He's not saving you. He attacked you. And now he's in trouble, he's trying to blame you for it. This is typical of violent abusers. He's already showing you that he isn't capable of caring about you. He only cares about himself.
You need to let the police continue their investigation. Being locked up in a cell is what he deserves.

This.
And pretty sure police will refer op to womens aid, if not an idva. I lean towards that op will get an idva. Considering the lock changing etc. police definitely think she's in high risk

You can withdraw your complaint but the police may still prosecute him if they have enough evidence. Just because you can, doesn't mention you should though. The most common time for domestic violence to start is during pregnancy and it will only get worse. So please support the prosecution and ask for support from organisations the police can recommend and/or Women's Aid. He has made himself out as your saviour to make you feel you can't cope without him but you can and you should, for your children's sakes as well as your own. You really don't want them to see you being abused by him through their childhood and need to protect them as well as yourself.

I remember your thread. You were so very brave. Hope you are feeling a little better now.

I think women who won't give up a man like this need to plan ahead find out who would take their children on guardianship wise and make a will. Copies to the guardians so that they don't end up in care.

I hope the op asks her ex to have the children until all this is in the distant past and she can be absolutely sure he’s out of her life

@PeggyMitchellsCameo Thank you for remembering, your advice and insight was of great help to me. Overall I am doing well, still ups and downs, and much sadness, but I am seeing the future now.

@Exasperated24 Hope you are holding on. If you want to PM I can send you a link to my thread. I documented the ups and downs of my story for over a year and got wonderful support and advice from other posters.

Thanks everyone. Thanks to those offering ideas of how to sleep last night - I got a few hours.

@ProudFriend you can PM me if you like - thank you. Or can I type your name into the search function and it’ll come up?

Appreciate all responses so thank you for taking the time to help a stranger on the internet.

I’m tired today and have no energy. Suffering a bit with sickness too.

Ffs edited for millions of typos. Just wanted to say sending love OP. You’ve been on my mind all day

It's been a few days. Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing.

Like MaggiesShadow, I hope you're doing OK, @Exasperated24 💐🫂

Always sad when OP’s don’t update on abuse threads like this
not because they have any obligation to whatsoever

more that it very much indicates it’s all been swept under the carpet 😢

That's not true, don't victim blame, anything could have happened.

Victim blame?

elaborate?

Its unfortunately not victim blaming, it's statistically likely. I hope she can get away from him whether thats today or in 5 years.