My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

You owe him nothing and definitely don’t let him anywhere near your children.

Does he feel equally awful for you after attacking you?

If he was good with the kids, he wouldn't assault their mother.

if you do what you are suggesting -
call the police and say you don’t want charges brought, that you want to help him,
they will add all that to the safeguarding referral they WILL be doing in relation to your kids / baby to be
you will be expected to demonstrate that you will not expose your kids to a domestic violence situation
domestic violence in the home is now categorised as child abuse
think about supporting your kids
NOT this dickhead
social services will factor your plans regarding your ongoing contact with him in their assessment
contact FREEVA and learn how to live without abuse - for your kids

Could you reframe it a bit, and instead of saying that you can't stand the thought of never seeing him again, think of how your kids will feel when he kills or maims you next time. Because he will.

Which would you prefer, for you to be devastated (or brainwashed into thinking this) or for your kids to be orphaned and psychologically ruined for life.

Surely you can’t stand the fact that the vile creature was ever allowed in to your home and around your children?

Please be careful, look after yourself and consider the future.

There needs to be a record of his actions.

In the future he could be seeking access to your child.

He is likely to be lowering your self esteem.

Were you treated for any injuries? Did the police take photos?

Why are some women their own worst enemy? This man ATTACKED you and was arrested - a cell is exactly where he belongs! I don't care how nice he's been in the past - a man who attacks a woman is not a good man, he's a dangerous man.

Don't do anything to try and get him released. If you had any sense you'd press charges but I suspect you won't.

Any man who attacks a woman is scum. Any man who attacks a pregnant woman - and one who is (presumably) pregnant with his child - is lower than the lowest form of scum. 'Feeling awful' for him is not what anyone should be feeling.

Unless his mother was calling to tell you all of this then block her. And him. And let the police do their jobs. The bare minimum your children require from you is to be brought up in a home that is free from violence - either against them or their mother. If you need to rephrase things in your head then remind yourself he attacked your unborn baby.

Scum.

When a man attacks a woman, all the good stuff and support he’s previously given is immediately wiped out, as if it had never been. It is simply not relevant.

And you’re pregnant as well, so that factor is amplified to a very high degree.

There is no going back and there is no longer a nice shared past - it has been destroyed by his actions. There’s no return from here so you must go forward to protect yourself and your children.

These re the natural consequences of his behaviour @Exasperated24 , yes you feel guilty but it isn’t your fault and you need to ride the feeling out or find your anger. Your are pregnant and he attacked you, he deserves to go to prison (he probably won’t because our justice system is shit, but he should) and he doesn’t deserve to ever see you again, and you have kids so you can’t risk it.

Please call someone who can be there in real life if possible so you don’t slip. Do not speak to his mother either!

You don’t owe anything to anyone that puts their hands on you.

…. I know I can’t have him back but he’s done so much for me.

OP, he may have been the best partner ever. Until he attacked you.
And now he isn’t.
You are Pregnant. And he attacked you

You’re right, you can’t have him back.
He doesn’t deserve your sympathy, and if you decide not to go ahead and work with the police, you need to leave him for the safety of you and your children.

There is no excuse for him attacking you. None

You should be preparing yourself for the inevitable visit from childrens services, not worrying about some idiot.

You can say what you want but there's a heavy chance he'll still be prosecuted if the CPS say there's enough evidence.

Why do you feel bad for him when he attacked you? I know what it's like to be abused and you end up with suck low self esteem you feel you can't live without them. Or that it's your fault they hurt you.

But it's not. You've been brainwashed through coercion to accept and forgive this behaviour.

It's not safe for you or the kids to be near someone like that. Please don't let him back into the house. For one thing SS might get involved if your kids are in the house with a convicted violent assault perp? Even if you're not thinking straight about your own safety.

He attacked a pregnant woman, what sort of man does that?
Not one who needs your sympathy op.

Stop imagining him in a cell if you can't stand the thought.

I’m reading guys and re reading. Thank you.

sorry for not tagging people. To answer questions.

i told him to fuck off for patronising me about something. he sat there in silence for a few minutes and then came and got in my face telling me not to ever tell him to fuck off. I made some comment about getting out of my face. And then it escalated into him shouting at me about wanting an abortion (I’m 9 weeks and have been considering it) he said he’ll take care of the abortion for me. Dragged me off the couch and wrenched my legs apart and there’s more but I probably shouldn’t say on here.

I’m writing it out and I’m heartbroken. I can’t stop crying.

someone asked how the police got involved. I called them and he’d left by the time they got here. They found him though and arrested him.

I’ve been checked out by paramedics so I’m ok.

someone else asked if I had any marks and I have a few and the police have taken pics.

He’ll have marks too as I remember trying different my nails into his face to get him off me.

Leave him to it.

Social services will be receiving referral from police -
he’s assaulted a pregnant woman, he is being held in the station, and there are other kids involved,
the fact that the woman concerned is hoping to support him will be included in the safeguarding referral -
get your ducks in a row OP - safeguard your children from domestic violence

Please be aware that because you have children if you take him back in and it’s in record he’s been violent then social services will very likely be involved. In fact they may become involved to make sure you don’t take him
back.

Probably more likely because you are pregnant with is child.

Your reaction is normal. Don’t beat yourself up for that. But remember why you called the police in the first place.

I know I didn’t deserve it. I’ve been so depressed about being pregnant (out of the blue or high it was what I wanted) but since I found out 4 weeks ago I’ve been so low and I know I’ve ruined that time for him because he really wants it. That’s why I feel bad I think.

Listening about social services and I know. I’m happy for any support that can come my way and am completely willing to welcome them in.

He is a five star bastard who attacks pregnant women, give your head a wobble. If you won't get yourself out of this relationship and safe, do it for your children.

I don’t know your circumstances

but I would urge you to think very carefully about proceeding with a pregnancy where this man is the father

he would be in your life and your children’s lives for ever more

Think seriously about an abortion - you already have children to look after - they should be your priority. Where are they now?