My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

He isn't fit to be a father or to be around you and your existing kids. You didn't deserve any of that and he fully deserves whatever is coming to him. Please don't speak to his mother, and take care of yourself while you figure out what to do.

yes. yes you can. He's not a good father if he hits their mother,

His act of violence was about your pregnancy though and it seems to have gone very far

I am so sorry for what happened OP, it must have been horrible, but he did something totally wrong, traumatising and illegal, he must face the consequences now or he will repeat it.

OP - what has happened to you to think it’s ok to be treated like this?

You cannot bring a child into this relationship - whether you continue with the pregnancy or not please end this relationship.

The children are with their dad.

Jesus Op that attack sounds absolutely disgusting.

I get that you miss him but really what if someone did that to your child/mother/sister? He shouldn’t be on the streets, he’s dangerous.

He deserves to be in a cell for a long time.
Imagine one of your friends /family /dc finding your dead body.
Come on op. Wise up.

I think it’s time to consider your options with regard to this pregnancy. Youre not happy. Now you will be a single mum looking after the child of a violent man. That means a link to him. Not sure if you’d get to keep the baby, I don’t know how it all works.

Id be ending the pregnancy and NOT telling him I did it. I’d say much later if he asked that it happened spontaneously. But hopefully you won’t have to be speaking to him again. .

As for his attacking a pregnant woman, I hope he gets punished and learns his lesson. You don’t owe him anything. He attacked a pregnant woman cancels all of that good he did out.

OP I would never normally say this as I think it's a woman's decision to make about her own body but honestly, if I were you, I would have a termination. The though of being tied to this man as a co parent for the rest of your life is horrifying.

I'm another one who would recommend a termination in these circumstances.

He's not fit to be a father and you say you were unsure about the pregnancy even before he attacked you. Even when you 'thought' he was wonderful and supportive.

Please consider one at least.

It’s just so unbelievable. Like I say we’ve had arguments before but today he just lost the plot.

To be fair, you've " repaid" him by him attacking you.
Too bad he did not realise that he has to repay society.
Book yourself some therapy and find out why you think so little of yourself.
Partners are meant to support each other through hard times. He did not do anything out of the ordinary.
You being treated well by him when you was low does not entitle him to attacking you and you owing him a lack of accountability.

That is not love. That's you being hostage to a "lack" mentality, the root of which is your responsibility to ascertain without you thinking that you have to take on responsibility for an abuser's behaviour and the consequences thereof.
Good luck.

Not ideal bringing another life into this mix. Concentrate on you, your existing children and I wouldn’t personally want any link with this bastard. By doing this you are protecting your children and would you want them removed. They deserve a loving home so this is your number one priority

Not the actions of someone who loves and cares about you

He needs to stay at the police station.

Please dont have this man anywhere near your children. You need to put them first and not yourself or him .
I hope social services get involved and help you see sense

OP as kindly as possible, he deserves to be in a cell. You did the right thing to protect yourself, what you described is absolutley monstrous and you haven't even told us the worst of it.

Being there for someone at the beginning of a relationship doesn't mean they get permission to abuse. For the sake of yourself and your children do not have this man in your life anymore. You may want SS involved, and if you do please contact them for help, but don't take this man back so they are forced to intervene. Take care of yourself OP, and use this opportunity to get away.

Do you have any other real life support? Friends of family? Xx

What a traumatic as situation. If you were seriously considering an abortion before this incident I would go ahead.

You say partner, who owns the property?

I appreciate that you say he has previously been supportive but he has revealed his true personality. Yes, you need to distance yourself but I can see you also don't want to wish him extreme harm. Starting afresh would be beneficial to both of you.

I’m going to have to terminate. Dreading that though. That’s another trauma in itself.

Good men don’t attack their partners op. They just don’t.

@Exasperated24 to be honest, if you have given your statement, he could be charged with more serious offences than just attacking you!! if he is formally charged then he most likely wont be back into your home. that would be the safest option for you and your children. keep him out.

I am going to be very blunt. Please have an abortion and please make sure that your partner never comes near to you or your children ever again. You really need to focus on sorting your life out and being a mature and responsible adult. You need to have a drama, chaos and violent free life and you need to focus on earning money for you and your children and not being in any kind of relationship.

If he will attack you when pregnant he will do it when you just had a baby, he might even start on your children and your baby next.
This is the perfect time to make plans to live your life without him. Get the help that’s available to you.

Edit as you mentioned you may not continue the pregnancy.

If you choose not continue the pregnancy also ask for support for that decision, ask the police to provide some numbers for people that will help you.

I rent my house. He owns his own, thankfully about an hours drive away.

My sister is on her way to see me. She used to be in the police and my other sister still is.

Thanks all for the support. I’m going mad sitting here.

Well that is a positive.