My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

My fucking god woman, you are pregnant and this man just attacked you. Sitting in a cell is the LEAST he deserved. Pick up your life and move it. Get away from this man. Put yourself and your children first. This man could kill you.

You did the right thing telling the police.
Don't answer if his relatives call. Just stick with people who are concerned for you and your children. You're not responsible for smoothing things over for him after he assaulted you.
I think a clean break and cooperating with the police will look better for you if/when social services want to speak to you.

Why do you think he doesn't deserve to sit in a cell for attacking you?
Start there.

OP, I know it might seem like you are being lectured and told what to do very forcibly, but people are terrified for you and mean well with all the advice.

I agree with terminating the pregnancy. I don't think you were too sure yourself about it, but now that he's revealed his true self, it's far better to sever all ties and move on to a far more peaceful life for you and your kids.

I know you feel somewhat sorry for him. That's OK but at the same time you do have to balance that against the safety of you and your children. Which is more important to you? I think I know the answer and so should you really.

When you're ready, please consider the freedom programme: https://www.womens-work.org.uk/support-areas/freedom-programme/

Take care and remember it's not your fault.

Wow. That attack is very very serious indeed!! You did the right thing to call the police. Please take time to think everything through. That must have been terrifying. I'm so sorry that he did that to you. I'm actually shocked at the viciousness of it.

Any support or love is completely deleted when something like this happens. Please try and get help elsewhere / anywhere but him. People have already made suggestions in the thread.

I think try and hang on in these moments to the right and brave thing you did to call the police (on your own) and get this very dangerous man away from you and your children (although I read that they were not there for the attack, they feasibly could be for the next one).

Please stay brave!!

He had his hands round my throat only for a few seconds - the paramedics said I seemed ok and were happy to leave me they said to contact them if I suddenly start feeling sore as it can show up later. It hurts to swallow now but I do have a cold so I don’t really know if f I should call them back .

Your priority is your existing children, not this poor excuse of a man. You need to make sure you protect your children from him, which means ending the relationship. If you continue with the pregnancy, you will be tied to this man forever, and will have to co-parent with him. In this instance, I'd be having a termination, then there's no tie to him at all. You don't want to bring a baby into the world, knowing it's Dad is a piece of shit. There's no excuses for violence, and it's even worse given you're pregnant. It's likely the police will refer you to SS, and you will need to co-operate and show that you are prioritising your children's safety and well-being. The police may prosecute regardless of your wishes, and quite frankly, he needs punishing, not sympathy.

You feel awful for him why?

Because he's met the consequences of his own actions?

He fucked around and he found out.

Don't be too quick to make excuses for him, OP.

OP, seriously, you need to run. This guy is the scum of the earth. Decent men don't behave like this.

It all happened so fast though.. sorry I’m rambling

If it hurts to swallow, I think you should get medical advice

Agree with a PP, his violence has obliterated everything he's ever done for you, no amount of support or 'rescuing' can possibly make up for physically attacking you and you owe him absolutely nothing.

Anyone using violence against another person, particularly one smaller or weaker than themselves, does so with the knowledge that they may, deliberately or not, cause that person's death. They can never know that the punch they throw won't cause a catastrophic brain injury, that the shove they give won't lead to a fall that breaks the victims neck, that their chokehold won't last a second too long this time.

That's the risk you're taking when you feel sorry for someone abusive OP, it makes it too easy for them to worm their way back in and you can't afford to do that when you have DC who could end up motherless as a result. Actions have consequences and you owe it to your kids to hold him accountable now so that they are not the ones who eventually suffer for his actions. He deserves to be prosecuted, he did the crime and now he has to face the consequences.

He doesn't want or care for the child your carrying. If he did he wouldn't endanger it by attacking you. He may want you pregnant then tied to him for 18 years, but that's not the same thing

Call a friend
get a friend over

I also agree that the termination would be a best option to remove the lifetime tie from him. Another brave act thinking of your existing children.

Please for your baby, don't do this. The last two years or any of this previous reactions do not matter if he would put your unborn child at risk and attack you while you're so vulnerable

Edited to add: I've just seen your comments about termination. It's your decision and either way, you definitely need police protection from him. I wouldn't have a baby with him if I were you

It's ok - you're still processing it.

Strangulation is really high up on the scale of risky behaviour. You do definitely need to keep him out of your life and in order to do that, sticking with the police report and getting checked over medically will help.

Are you going to wait for him to kill you?

You need to let the police to their job and keep you and your children safe.

I'd you really cannot find the strength to do it for yourself, you must find it to do ot for your children. They need their mum.

Oh good sister coming over

Does their father know what sort of home environment his children are living in - that their mother's current partner physically abuses her? I would not want my children to be anywhere near! Think of your children, rather than the man who was arrested.

If you're struggling to swallow, then it's best to get yourself checked over.

As a social worker, the biggest red flag for us when we get involved with a woman with kids who has been attacked is if she won't give a supporting statement. If you give a statement you'll probably have no involvement from a social worker beyond a phone call. If you don't, you may have them involved for a long time.

Damn good question

I'm so sorry you went through that.

This man has committed a crime. He is a criminal. It is right that he is in a jail cell. That is the consequences of the actions he took. He deserves to be in jail. And you and the rest of society deserve to be safe from him.

I'm glad your sisters will be with you. Wishing you all the best.