My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

I am hoping your are asleep, but just in case playing a random even boring podcast can me you sleep. Or counting stuff like the characters on your nose fave show.

Stay strong tomorrow.

This. I dropped charges against my ex 2x and then pressed charges the third. Police said that if I had retracted anyway they had enough to charge.
Im glad I did.
This would have helped toward the prison stint he just did for almost killing his recent ex.

You poor thing @Exasperated24

I know you feel awful for him and think about all the past good times you shared but what struck me about your account was that he quietly waited a few minutes before he commenced his attack. This suggests that he is really dangerous (apart from the strangling). A normal person who found your words upsetting would have immediately stomped from the room, told you verbally that you upset them or left the house altogether. Even a garden variety yelling match is a healthier way to address conflict.

He might one day have a new partner who knows nothing and who will think he’s “lovely” because he’ll treat her the same caring way he has with you and will be told about his “crazy ex” who attacked him (and with convincing looking pics). At least with Clara’s law she may be able to access information when she begins to notice something isn’t right and stay safe herself. He has already shown himself to be a liar with the police. No sign of remorse, which adds to the danger to other women and their children in my opinion.

You are exactly right with regards to the gap in time before he reacted - that isn't normal/knee jerk reaction - that was planned. Please take care whatever happens to his interaction with the police.

Wtf.

There's a lot of well-meaning comments but there's a lot jumping on the bandwagon despite OP's update.

This comment, however, is wild.

And? It's not the case here so your point is moot.

This. You’re pregnant- you need to be physically safe. Also do not allow your baby to grow up thinking violence is acceptable and normal. It’s not. Lots of luck to you. Women’s aid could help. Xxx

This is all very well and good but if you are backtracking they are going to want to protect those kids. Can you really not see that? @Exasperated24

What injuries did he have that the police took photos of? A few scratches. And it’s being dismissed on the basis of that? You had bruising around your neck?

I can’t believe that someone like this doesn’t have a long criminal record

Yes well if you want to keep your baby then I strongly suggest you do not.

Social Services will be informed. You are pregnant and already have children. Do not be stupid and risk losing them for a man who has to express his anger through his fists.

The type of sexual violence you described very usually escalates. Please OP get yourself away before he irrevocably maims you or worse.

How are you today?
Just remember, he isn't remorseful and horrified by what he has done.

He's denied it AND accused you.

You were defending your self against someone trying to kill you, that's what is happening when someone is throttling you.

The person you think you love doesn't exist. He was hiding behind a mask biding his time until he perceived you were trapped by him, and then he has let his true self shine through. This is who he is.

It is not your shame to carry. It's not your fault. Tell the landlord that the police changed the lock not you.

Before you move any further boyfriends in, do the Sarah's and Clare's law check on them.

You are only 9 weeks. Get a termination. It's early and it will be very straightforward. You don't sound in a good place to have a baby and it doesn't sound like you even want to have it. There has obviously been a lot of complicated stuff going on in your life recently and a new baby is very last thing you need.

OP, your ‘D’P carried out a serious assault on a pregnant woman. Why would you want him to be released? Putting his hands round your neck/trying to strangle you is serious. When you are feeling sorry for him, just remember what the police said - he has an 80% chance of killing you next time. Don’t let there be a next time. A night in the cells won’t do him any harm.

Quite aside from that, OP, do you really want to spend the next couple of decades pouring emotional and material resources into nurturing this creep’s DNA?
And, while Children’s Services might take the stance that by exposing your existing children to DV, you are failing to protect them from abuse the (misogynistic and abusive) Family Court system often decides that violence to the mother is not a reason to deprive the child of a relationship with its father, so the aforementioned creep could be in your life for the next 18 years….

The children’s father deserves to know what is going on at his children’s mother’s home

Why would you even want to see him again after what he did to you? And you have other children who fortunately didn’t witness the attack because they were with their father……… in your position I would want them to remain there until I had made provision for different living arrangements that my BF didn’t know about - you and your children need safeguarding. I hope the police have alerted social services.

Do you want your children to grow up seeing this violence as normal? It will also make it more likely they will end up in abusive relationships themselves. Is that what you want for them?

If he did it once he will do it again and they will end up witnessing it. If you don’t care about yourself at least do the right thing by those poor kids.

That sounds like the modern sort of lock so you can get out easily in case of fire. I know someone who lives in a new build and these are fitted as standard.

This. And give your head a wobble. He'll only do it again and potentially to someone else. He needs to learn a hard lesson and you need to woman up and provide a good example to your kids.

I‘m so sorry you were attacked. That must be have been very frightening. What you describe sounds horrific. I don’t feel sorry for him in a cell, I feel sorry you had to endure this attack. There is nothing you have done for you to deserve this. You are pregnant too. You need to be safe and you are not safe with this man. Please don’t take back your statement. If he’s released, he could do worse to you. And if not you, another woman at a later point in life. He may well have supported you at some points, but he has also crossed a big line here. If this was your daughter or friend asking for advice, you know what you would tell them here. I imagine you must feel in shock. He thought he had the power when he attacked you, but the fact you called the police and had him arrested means you have some power too. Maybe you feel a little afraid of that. His behaviour was criminal and there is a risk he will do this again or worse. Put yourself first here. Please.

OP l can only echo what others are saying here. He hasn’t ’saved’ you, he’s groomed you to think he has and you’ve become dependent on him. Your reaction is a natural one because you’ve blocked out the bad bits and you’re concentrating on how good he’s been to you because you don’t want this to be the end. But he’s an abuser. And it’s escalated while you’re pregnant, and he’s had his hands round your throat. You absolutely must get away from him and don’t even think about withdrawing the charges.

Apologies I seem to have missed the bit about being strangled, your hospital must follow their Non Fatal Strangulation Guideline which will require a CT Scan to identify any stroke risk which can present months later.

You know how the police didn’t want him to come back to you? This is what they are scared of on your behalf.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0029395

His own actions have put him there. He deserves what he's got. He's a dangerous and violent man. It doesn't matter what has happened to you, he doesn't now get to hurt you as his reward. He's an adult. Trust him to cope with what's happening.

You're in an abusive relationship which means that your thought processes aren't working as they should be. It's very common to have the sort of thoughts that you're having after an assault, to feel pity for the man who has abused you, to want to carry the responsibility for him, to want to somehow fix this for him. But if it was bad enough for the police to arrest him, then it's really bad. I know this is hard to accept. I know it feels easier just to make excuses and try and pretend it isn't as bad as it looks, that if you somehow fix this for him then everything will be alright going forwards, but it really won't be, it will get worse, because he will know that you'll protect him from the consequences of his actions. And he will do it it again. Maybe it will be months, or even years, but he will do it again, and it will be even more difficult to step away.

He will steal years of your life and destroy your health, and if you have children with him, he will destroy your chance at being a good mother to them.

Please ring women's aid and look into the freedom programme before you do anything to help him.