My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

He didn’t give a thought for you when he attacked you…

Think of your children

If you stay with this man, They will get taken away from you

Stop and think about your children and un born baby. Tonight , they could be without a mother due to his actions and that precious baby killed too. You'll never be able to trust him again. Cut your losses, it's just not worth the risk to you all. I'm sorry your going through this trauma.😘

You are still in a state of shock - you can't even begin to make a plan because as soon as you think of one thing another idea will come into your head. let it - good to hear your sisters coming over - youll be able to share your crowded mind with her.

He could have killed you. He could have caused a miscarriage. He strangled you. He threatened you.

The defensive wounds you caused just reaffirm what he did. Hes dangerous to you, you're children and this pregnancy, which you can totally choose to continue or not. Non fatal strangulation is a crime on its own

You dont owe him anything. He was kind to you when you had a difficult time? That's the minimum you deserve. Please don't do anything but let the police do theor job.

You have to think of your kids. DV is not a one off. If you stay with him you'll end up losing your kids and possibly your life.

I know - we all know - that there is an absolute epidemic of violence against women and girls. But I am still so very shocked at some of the terrible things I read about on Mumsnet that men have done, and this is one of the most shocking.

My ex was violent at times. Believe me, OP, I know the feeling of denial, because you think that somehow violence against women happens to other women, not to you. I know the wanting to retain the good bits and block out the bad, and the feeling that somehow YOU let it happen, so it must be all your fault. I would beg you to do evverything in your power to block those feelings out. To know that this is his fault, not yours; that your one job now is to get your children and yourself away from this man; that no matter how hard it is to do that, your life and theirs will be infinitely better for it.

Every woman who has ever suffered male violence will tell you that they never do it just once. Never. Please make yourself and your children safe. Don't be afraid to seek help. And remember that you have a whole community of women here on your side

Please don’t do that. The police know what they are talking about - he has attacked you while pregnant and now has an 80% chance of killing you. Please take them seriously and let them help you.

He knows you have had the most traumatic two years and now physically attacks you, strangles you and by the sound if it worse but you don’t go into details.

Three women per week are murdered, please prioritise yourself and your children.

OP, I’m the daughter of a woman who stayed with an abuser nearly a decade before leaving. The lifelong impact this has had on my self-esteem, insecurity, the constant watchfulness, anxiety, having to learn for myself what healthy relationships look like because I never had that modelled to me . . . my mother was the victim of abuse, but frankly I’ve never entirely forgiven her for taking so long to leave. It has irreparably damaged our relationship. Please understand that whatever that man is prepared to do to you, he is entirely capable of doing to your children. I can completely understand the sheer shock you are experiencing right now. But please, I beg of you, be done with him now, if not for your own sake then for the sake of your children. Save your pity for them, not him. An abortion would be wise in this situation. You don’t want to give him any more cracks through which he can slither back into your life, and having to co-parent with him would be a pretty big one.

Do you know anything about the “abuse cycle” ?

I know I’m repeating what most have said but here’s my opinion. This man does not deserve a place in yours or your children’s life. If you let him back in in any way that’s his “green light” that you have accepted his behaviour. Please believe that your life will be so much better without him. Yes, it will take time for you to feel that but you will. You deserve to be cherished, adored and allowed to voice your opinion without the threat of violence. Please seek help from everything available for you to move forward positively from this horrendous situation. I speak from experience, I have been there, it was hard but life is so much better now. Sending my love

Your just in shock and not accepting that he is a piece of s--t.
and that's all he is.........no person who is good would ever do what he did.
Hopefully , you will realise he has shown his true self and you will not give him another opportunity to do this again, because he will.........your children should be your main concern & not feel sorry for a violent piece of S--T

You're pregnant with his child and he attacked you? And you feel sorry for him? He could have damaged the baby, you could have been seriously injured, but poor him.

I’m still here. My sister came and we’ve come to hospital as 111 advised me too.

still reading (well skimming but will go back and read properly later.

i really appreciate all the advice and all of you caring. I’m sorry I made a pp cry.

Please seriously consider pressing charges against this monster. He doesn't deserve a single second of your sympathy after what he did to you.

We're all supporting you, Exasperated. Never mind what he wants, you have to think of your own safety and your children. I'm pretty sure being tied to this monster for eighteen years + is not what you want.

Draw a line under it, it's over. I'm glad your sister is with you, I bet she has something to say about it all.

I wish you a good night's sleep for now.

Is this the first time? To me this seems like it isn't the first time.this sounds absolutely horrific and you need to get away asap before your children lose their mother. Sorry to be bount but violent men never change they just get worse.

In the UK the police and the CPS can pursue a case against someone even if the victim doesn't want them to. It's particularly useful when the perpetrator has done such a psychological number on the victim that they're convinced the police and legal system are the enemy.

Ive not been in your situation but please don't feel sympathy for him. A good person would never attack a pregnant woman under any circumstances. Just seen your other posts. You're so brave and your children are lucky to have you.

That's good, I wasn't aware this was the case.

I never go straight in with suggesting a termination, but my love, if you don't, your risk increases massively and you will have a tie to him forever. That risk will never go away.

im glad you are at the hospital. ANY pregnant women who has been subject to non fatal strangulation must be seen and properly assessed by a doctor/advanced nurse practitioner in a hospital setting. many police officers and health professionals don’t know this but it is so important.
the police are right that your risk of being murdered have exponentially increased because of this incident.
he will harm you again or you will be so alert to not ‘provoking’ him you will spend your life walking on egg shells and being hyper alert to his behaviour that it will be no life at all for you or your children.
i can’t tell you what to do but i know what i would advise a loves one to do. i’d suggest to have a termination, get a non molestation order, support any prosecution, engage with a domestic abuse service and get this awful man away from your life as far and as hard as you can.
you can’t fix him, he isn’t in any way a good man, he is a risk to you and your children and that won’t change no matter what he says, promises or how much he pleads.

*blunt not bount. My dear friend Charlotte was killed through dv stabbed in her own home. southwarknews.co.uk/area/southwark/controlling-and-jealous-partner-convicted-of-charlotte-huggins-murder-after-jury-reject-his-claims-she-fell-on-the-knife-by-accident/

I know someone who was attacked when pregnant.
He was released the following day with a caution.
She subsequently had a miscarriage (within 48 hours she started to bleed), she was told if this were to happen he would be prosecuted as it changes the charges.
It inevitably went to court. I can't remember the sentence off hand as it was almost 20 years ago, but he was put away. Unfortunately it was only a short stint.

You need to let the police do their job to the fullest degree here. He could kill you. There is no way I would ever allow this man anywhere near my children again. He wasn’t just harming you, but deliberately harming his unborn child. Regardless of your decision re the pregnancy when he snapped he was willing to cause that damage to both of you.

This is not a man that can ever be safe again. He’s shown you what he’s really capable of. If he’s done it once he will do it again and next time he might not stop once he’s started strangling.