My partner was arrested for attacking me..

[Exasperated24]

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

I'm glad you've gone to hospital, good to get checked over. And I'm glad that your sister is there to support you.

You need to contact your local Domestic Violence service and seek support, the police have a duty to signpost you to this service.

Absolutely true. Research confirms this. A healthy relationship doesn't escalate to violence. It's happened once and you can guarantee it will happen again. Have you considered a Claires Law disclosure request via the police?

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP, this sounds absolutely horrific, it's hard to read. I hope you're ok and glad you have your family to support you. The police know that men who behave like this rarely change and unfortunately they often get worse particularly with life stresses (for instance with a newborn baby) I'm sure your sisters can tell you this.
Keep your focus on your children - you need to be healthy and well to look after them, you can't put yourself in harms way, they also need to be in an environment where they are 100% safe. You would never be able to trust this man. I hope you can get some rest and see clearly in the morning what you need to do.

If he can do it once he will Def do it again by taking him back and dropping the charges you are saying ok do as you wish you are obviously more important then my kids
So do as you wish but the only victims will be your kids you are an adult who can make a choice to live with or without violence your poor children have no such choices

Thank God you called the police. The odds of him killing you or leaving you brain damaged are so, so high - your children deserve to keep their mum. Look, i work with violent men day in, day out. They aren't remorseful, they don't change, and they leave strings of damaged women and children in their wake.

I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. Im really glad you have your sisters supporting you. Please take care of yourself, and don't risk your life by going back to thus dreadful man.

Haven't rtft, but police will automatically refer you to social services as you have children.

If you let him back into your life, social services will take a very dim view of that and your children, including your unborn child, might end up on a child protection plan.

You can but it doesn’t at mean they will release him . Do you have children ?

Yes, totally this. I hope you find the strength to get away OP x

Do you think he is scared, sad and remorseful in his cell, or thinking "I'll make her pay for this"?

If he murders you, what will happen to your children? Will they go into local authority care?

I'm sorry so you're going through this. Reading the posts you've made, your confidence sounds broken. You deserve respect, so what if you told him to FUCK OFF. He threw you around like a rag doll. If he did that to one of your children you wouldn't have it and you should treat yourself with that same love and care. He had no right to violate you like that, you owe him nothing. You do not belong to him, you are a human in your own right and deserve to be treated with care. Also it's not his choice to have an abortion again it's your body, your life your choice.
Let him rot!!

Your message is unhelpful, this poor woman has been attacked! You’re saying thankfully your partner who attacked you was let off! You have been controlled and groomed!

Been thinking about you OP. What a shocking and traumatic time you are going through. I am glad your sister is with you. I hope that her presence is making you to feel safer and that talking to her is helping you start to process things. I hope too that you manage to get some rest tonight. X

Thanks again for everyone’s messages. I’m home now and my sister has had to go too. Bless her.

Hospital said I was ok to go but obviously to go back if I feel I need to.

the police phoned me not long ago to tell me he’s denied it all and said I attacked him.

police said it’s not that they don’t believe me but they had to take pictures of his injuries so it’s all transparent if it goes to court.

I feel sick and empty.

This proves he isn’t a good man and shouldn’t be coming anywhere near you or your children ever, ever again. He will twist everything to his own benefit. Do not trust him. He is NOT a good man. He has been playing one until now and he’s shown you who he truly is.

Yes they need to document his injuries but that will help you, it will be clear these were defensive injuries. He strangled a pregnant woman and nothing justifies it. Nothing you could have done would justify his violence towards you. Don’t let him back to your house. Change your locks if need be. Install a ring door camera and do not answer the door to him. Do not speak to him on the phone.

I can’t remember all the questions that you’ve asked. A few people were thinking it was sexual. It wasn’t. I think people got that impression because I said it went further (or something) but then I said what it actually was - that he’d had his hands round my neck.

Somebody asked if the previous trauma was due to an ex. Yes it was my ex husband (who is still perpetrating it and that’s how I don’t know how longer through all this with out my current (well not current but the man who attached me today’s) support.

Of course the piece of shit put it on you.

He's not man enough to admit what he did.

This makes it even more vital that you get away from him NOW.

If the risk was just 5-10% that he could take you away from your babies it wouldn't be enough to take him back but you're sitting at an 80% chance that he'll off you.

Change the locks and put him out while you still can.

It doesn't matter how you feel about him. It doesn't matter what he does or says next. It doesn't matter what other people think.

It matters that you put your kids before the utter scumbag.

Oh and pp has reminded me - thank you - that the police changed the locks when they were here.

To quote Mandy Rice-Davies, well he would say that, wouldn't he.

The fact he's said that shows you exactly how unrepentant he is. He is a dangerous man. Who cares more about himself than you. Try to get some sleep, and don't ever let him back in.

The man who attacked you, while pregnant, did not save you. He saw an incredibly vulnerable woman and has taken full advantage of that. You are sat here praising him for caring for you when at the first sign of “disobedience” he reacts in the way that he did. Do you think he “saved” you for you? Or for him? Because you’d be easy to shape. Because any small kindness he offered would be met with unreasonable levels of praise and adoration and worship. You’ve given him all the credit for your own healing journey. He doesn’t deserve any of it, and he had once again proven that with his unforgivable deplorable violent actions. You need to stop thinking of him as a hero and start seeing him for what he is - a violent and manipulative opportunist.

Exactly. He is selling you down the river to save his own skin. When he is guilty. He only cares about himself.

Id keep a photo diary of your injuries and give it to the police

Hes shown you who he is, hes blaming you. I beg you to see who he is and run.

While you were agonising about him being in a cell, he was thinking of ways to turn the tables on you. There’s a lesson in that. Be kind to yourself, OP. Being single is worlds easier than being with a man like that.

Pretty shoddy ‘support’, OP. That’s the kind of ‘support’ you can well do without. As others have said, he honed in on you because you were vulnerable. He hasn’t saved you from your ex’s abuse; he’s cashed in on it for his own gain. Do consider the Freedom Programme, for your own sake and the sake of your children, who need to know that abuse isn’t normal.