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Original poster

My partner was arrested for attacking me..

377 replies

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:07

I need urgent advice.

my partner attacked me earlier today and has subsequently been arrested. Can I ring the police station and tell them I don’t want it taking any further. Will they then release him?

I feel awful for him.

OP posts:
Honeypickle · 05/07/2025 23:40

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 05/07/2025 23:48

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down now.

Original poster
Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 23:52

Oh God I’m crying again reading these messages.

im actually worried about telling the landlord that the locks have been changed. He’s never had any trouble with me before and he’s just changed letting agents. I don’t want them to see me as a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 23:53

i just wish it hadn’t all happpend. 12 hours ago it hadn’t happened yet.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 05/07/2025 23:55

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 23:52

Oh God I’m crying again reading these messages.

im actually worried about telling the landlord that the locks have been changed. He’s never had any trouble with me before and he’s just changed letting agents. I don’t want them to see me as a problem.

You are NOT the problem. Let him know you were attacked in your home and the police changed the locks for you. No damage had come to the property, changed locks they didn’t have to pay for is not something that should concern them.

Original poster
Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 23:55

Someone asked earlier if the police had asked me questions such as has he isolated you from your friends and family?

yes the police went through that questionnaire with me.

OP posts:
Chickensky · 06/07/2025 00:01

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 23:24

I can’t remember all the questions that you’ve asked. A few people were thinking it was sexual. It wasn’t. I think people got that impression because I said it went further (or something) but then I said what it actually was - that he’d had his hands round my neck.

Somebody asked if the previous trauma was due to an ex. Yes it was my ex husband (who is still perpetrating it and that’s how I don’t know how longer through all this with out my current (well not current but the man who attached me today’s) support.

I was one who said the attack was very very serious but I did not assume it was sexual. The description on what you said was shocking enough. To now know he has put his hands around your neck is even more so. Listen to the statistics the police have told you.

Well done on contacting your sister and letting her know and having her come over.

Now please contact agencies for support and continue being brave for yourself and your children. I know it seems like it came out of nowhere...it didn't. It doesn't matter anyway, HE did this and YOU have choices to get him out of your life.

I also echo that the reason we are so adamant that you do this is because we care and have experience.

Chickensky · 06/07/2025 00:04

MissDoubleU · 05/07/2025 23:55

You are NOT the problem. Let him know you were attacked in your home and the police changed the locks for you. No damage had come to the property, changed locks they didn’t have to pay for is not something that should concern them.

Show quote history

This isn't something that would bother a good landlord.

Lilaclinacre · 06/07/2025 00:06

failedatlifee · 05/07/2025 17:11

Yes you can, I did this although they still tried to prosecute him without me but luckily they weren’t successful.

Why is that lucky?

murasaki · 06/07/2025 00:09

You could always tell the landlord that you lost the key and had to get the lock changed and have a spare for them if that's easier for you. I had to change ours as it snapped in the lock, these things happen.

PopeJoan2 · 06/07/2025 00:12

thismummyslife · 05/07/2025 23:00

Your message is unhelpful, this poor woman has been attacked! You’re saying thankfully your partner who attacked you was let off! You have been controlled and groomed!

Show quote history

I really regret not trying to
press charges against my ex. I still live with the psychological consequences of his violence, and with the knowledge that he probably went on to harm other women. I think I was scared of what he might do to
me because even though the police say they can’t come near you when they cross the line they don’t give a shit.

Original poster
Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:16

Good idea about telling LL I lost the keys.

thing is it doesn’t look like I’ve had it professionally replaced. It doesn’t look good. Not that I’m bothered I’m grateful to the police man but you used to have to lock it from the inside with the key and now you don’t need to and it just doesn’t look ‘professional’ (obviously I’m safe which is the most important thing just thinking from the landlords perspective).

OP posts:
Original poster
Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:18

Still reading and appreciating the support and so sorry to hear others stories and that some of you are still affected years later.

It’s awful.

OP posts:
FairyBatman · 06/07/2025 00:19

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:17

I just can’t stand the thought of him in a cell. I can’t stand the thought I’ll never see him again.

Better that you never see him again because you leave the first time. Putting his hands around your throat is the strongest indicator that he could kill you…you’d never see him again then either.

MissDoubleU · 06/07/2025 00:20

murasaki · 06/07/2025 00:09

You could always tell the landlord that you lost the key and had to get the lock changed and have a spare for them if that's easier for you. I had to change ours as it snapped in the lock, these things happen.

No, she should be honest about the situation and any halfway decent human will react with compassion. The lock change doesn’t inconvenient or cost the landlord anything so they have no reason to react in any way.

Original poster
Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:21

I Can’t shut down to go to sleep.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 06/07/2025 00:22

Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:16

Good idea about telling LL I lost the keys.

thing is it doesn’t look like I’ve had it professionally replaced. It doesn’t look good. Not that I’m bothered I’m grateful to the police man but you used to have to lock it from the inside with the key and now you don’t need to and it just doesn’t look ‘professional’ (obviously I’m safe which is the most important thing just thinking from the landlords perspective).

No, please tell the truth. Even to your LL. You have nothing to hide and no shame here. You were the victim of a serious crime and the police replaced it while you were being checked by paramedics. What exactly can any LL say against that? Besides oh no - are you okay and can I do anything to help.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 06/07/2025 00:23

Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:21

I Can’t shut down to go to sleep.

I’m not surprised pet. You’re in shock after a very traumatic day. What would help you? A bath? Play a daft game on your phone? Do you have a favourite book you could re-read on the couch with Friends going in the background (it’s always on some channel, somewhere). It’s ok to feel your feelings.

LBFseBrom · 06/07/2025 00:25

Exasperated24 · 06/07/2025 00:21

I Can’t shut down to go to sleep.

That's understandable, you have much to process. You may get some rest later.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/07/2025 00:28

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:11

He’s been there for me through the most traumatic two years of my life and I just hate the thought of him sitting there in the cell.

i won’t get back with him but I feel like I owe him for ‘saving me’ these last two years.

So he has a hero complex and hes conditioned you to think you owe him.

No.

We don't owe violent men anything even if they're not violent all of the time.

Iamnotalemming · 06/07/2025 00:31

Sending an unmumsnetty hug OP

If you can't sleep, have a decaf tea? Take a shower? Do some simple stuff to distract yourself.

LevelUpDown · 06/07/2025 00:33

Tbh it’s probably out of your hands now. They have pictures, they can prosecute anyway whether you want to or not.

And I hope they do, because how could someone do that to a human they are supposed to love

take care of your kids

Catpuss66 · 06/07/2025 01:37

Exasperated24 · 05/07/2025 17:14

I’m pregnant. And oh God I read posts like this on mumsnet all the time and think ‘get out woman. Are you crazy?!’

I appreciate all responses even though I haven’t responded directly.

yes my self esteem is that low but I don’t know what I’ll do without him.

I have kids (not his) and he’s so good with them. I know I can’t have him back but he’s done so much for me.

‘He so good with them’ he hits their mom. did he do it whilst they were present or could they hear him hitting you?
you need to speak to women’s aid to support you. SS might want to get involved to make sure you are keeping him away from the children.
you don’t hit someone you love.

viques · 06/07/2025 01:46

So although he knew you have just been through the two most traumatic years of your life he still

a)got you pregnant

b)beat you up

Such a Prince.

Gremlins101 · 06/07/2025 01:47

I think your reaction is very normal. But please don't call them. It's the right place for him. You need safety from him.

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