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Original poster

Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

221 replies

Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 21:38

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 17/07/2024 21:44

He has no legal rights whatsoever. And I'd be very wary of continuing this contact OP. I say this as a stepmum who has been in my DSC's life since she was 3 also. If me and DH split up, I'd like to maintain contact but wouldn't expect a set day and would never in a million years suggest applying for parental responsibility (which will never happen FYI!).

Bakersdozens · 17/07/2024 21:45

How old is your son? How long has your ex been a step parent to your son? I have known it happen, certainly

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 17/07/2024 21:45

www.majorfamilylaw.co.uk/services/child-and-parental-disputes/step-parent-responsibilities/ www.majorfamilylaw.co.uk/services/child-and-parental-disputes/step-parent-responsibilities/]]]]

Well this says you’d have to be married for him to do so and both the birth parents need to agree.

He sounds very petty and controlling, do you really want him around your son?

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 17/07/2024 21:47

@Bakersdozens you've seen it happen with an ex-partner? The gov.uk site states 'Both living parents with parental responsibility must agree' so this is a non-starter is OP doesn't agree, plus they're not even together anymore.

Sunshineafterthehail · 17/07/2024 21:49

Took me 4 years to get my ex out of MY dc's lives... Yes he can apply for access... My ex also gained PR of one of my teens. You are being ill advised by those who haven't been in your situation like I have op...

HoppityBun · 17/07/2024 21:54

What’s the situation with your son’s father?

Saschka · 17/07/2024 21:58

Sunshineafterthehail · 17/07/2024 21:49

Took me 4 years to get my ex out of MY dc's lives... Yes he can apply for access... My ex also gained PR of one of my teens. You are being ill advised by those who haven't been in your situation like I have op...

Your ex boyfriend gained PR for one of your teenagers, after you split up, against your wishes?

I don’t doubt you, I am just really surprised to hear it - how could that possibly be in your child’s best interests? What’s to stop any former acquaintance applying?

MounjaroUser · 17/07/2024 22:01

He's not the child's parent so how can he have parental responsibility? He's shot himself in the foot there - I wouldn't let my child see him after that.

Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:01

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 17/07/2024 21:44

He has no legal rights whatsoever. And I'd be very wary of continuing this contact OP. I say this as a stepmum who has been in my DSC's life since she was 3 also. If me and DH split up, I'd like to maintain contact but wouldn't expect a set day and would never in a million years suggest applying for parental responsibility (which will never happen FYI!).

Thanks so much for your input. Like, I get he feels like my sons parent but something legal like this should only be about the benefit of the child and I don't see what benefit this could have for him. He has a court date but I don't know if the court knows I don't support this. When we were together it was something we discussed and sort legal advice on but now we're broken up it just doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
Mia85 · 17/07/2024 22:01

You don't say which country this is, but I will assume England/Wales.

If he is not either (a) the child's legal father; or (b) married/in a civil partnership with you, then he can't simply apply for a parental responsibilty. What he CAN do is apply for a child arrangements order and seek to get PR though that, though it'd only last as long as the order did. If it were lives with order he'd get PR through that. If it were a 'contact' order then he could also apply for it.

It's not completely clear what he's applied to court for. Do you believe him when he says he has?

Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:02

Bakersdozens · 17/07/2024 21:45

How old is your son? How long has your ex been a step parent to your son? I have known it happen, certainly

My son is 11. We got together when my boy was 3, so he's been in his life for 8 years. Could you please let me know about your experiences of it happening?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:06

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 17/07/2024 21:45

www.majorfamilylaw.co.uk/services/child-and-parental-disputes/step-parent-responsibilities/ www.majorfamilylaw.co.uk/services/child-and-parental-disputes/step-parent-responsibilities/]]]]

Well this says you’d have to be married for him to do so and both the birth parents need to agree.

He sounds very petty and controlling, do you really want him around your son?

Thanks for linking those, I'll have a look. Well, honestly I'm reconsidering everything now. I didn't see him as controlling but when I look back now I did a lot just to keep him happy and keep the peace because otherwise he'd sulk. But he can't just sulk over my child! I respect and appreciate that he has been a consistent part of my sons life, especially seeing as bio dad let him down so much. I was even committed to facilitating them having a relationship but I just don't want him to have legal rights over my child

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:08

Sunshineafterthehail · 17/07/2024 21:49

Took me 4 years to get my ex out of MY dc's lives... Yes he can apply for access... My ex also gained PR of one of my teens. You are being ill advised by those who haven't been in your situation like I have op...

I'm sorry to hear that you had trouble. I'd be really appreciative if you could offer me any advice on what you did? He already has access in the sense that I still let him see him, I just don't want him to have legal rights over him.

OP posts:
JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 17/07/2024 22:08

We're not ill-advising, it's the law. He can't get PR as an ex-step parent (were you even married OP?) when the biological parents don't support it. As a pp mentions he could apply for an arrangement order, but my DH did this for his biological children and it took 3 years to resolve! I just can't see a court priotising this. He sounds a bit unhinged to me OP and I'd be stopping contact.

Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:10

HoppityBun · 17/07/2024 21:54

What’s the situation with your son’s father?

My sons bio father hasn't been in the picture since my son was 2 years old. I was awarded full custody and he hasn't tried to contact us in all that time.

OP posts:
MargotEmin · 17/07/2024 22:13

He can't apply outright for PR, he must first apply for permission to apply (confusing, I know!). This is an additional hurdle that grandparents and other non-birth parents must go through first to see if there's even any point of the court entertaining the application.

I don't fancy his chances.

Globetrote · 17/07/2024 22:13

Sorry I can’t offer advice but if this were me I’d be seeing a solicitor immediately, particularly if he’s claiming he has a court date.

Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:14

Mia85 · 17/07/2024 22:01

You don't say which country this is, but I will assume England/Wales.

If he is not either (a) the child's legal father; or (b) married/in a civil partnership with you, then he can't simply apply for a parental responsibilty. What he CAN do is apply for a child arrangements order and seek to get PR though that, though it'd only last as long as the order did. If it were lives with order he'd get PR through that. If it were a 'contact' order then he could also apply for it.

It's not completely clear what he's applied to court for. Do you believe him when he says he has?

Hi, thanks for replying. I really appreciate it. He's applied for parental responsibility and I've had a letter from the court, the court date is soon. He told me a month ago that he'd done it, I expressed that I wasn't comfortable with it and offered to pay the cancellation fees. He said he'd cancelled it but then told me today that he 'forgot' to cancel but found out he can go ahead with the court application without my permission so is not going to cancel it. I don't know what to do or who to speak to.

OP posts:
tahinitoast · 17/07/2024 22:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

username47985 · 17/07/2024 22:18

. I was awarded full custody

What do you mean by this? As far as I am aware full custody isn't a thing.

Was this court ordered with Bio Dad? Does Dad still have PR over the child ?

If he does I highly doubt Step Dad will be awarded it.

It's not impossible that Ex will get PR.

Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:19

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Thanks for replying! He has a court date which I think its the 'permission to start proceedings' hearing. It's so confusing to me and I'm worried.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:20

username47985 · 17/07/2024 22:18

. I was awarded full custody

What do you mean by this? As far as I am aware full custody isn't a thing.

Was this court ordered with Bio Dad? Does Dad still have PR over the child ?

If he does I highly doubt Step Dad will be awarded it.

It's not impossible that Ex will get PR.

Hey, thanks for replying. He's not applying for full custody, he's applying for parental responsibility so he can be an additional parent and have some official, legal say over my son.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 17/07/2024 22:21

Sunsetfarmblue · 17/07/2024 22:14

Hi, thanks for replying. I really appreciate it. He's applied for parental responsibility and I've had a letter from the court, the court date is soon. He told me a month ago that he'd done it, I expressed that I wasn't comfortable with it and offered to pay the cancellation fees. He said he'd cancelled it but then told me today that he 'forgot' to cancel but found out he can go ahead with the court application without my permission so is not going to cancel it. I don't know what to do or who to speak to.

Show quote history

You need to see a family law specialist asap. You are getting conflicting advice on here, you need proper legal advice before this goes to court.

Starlightstarbright3 · 17/07/2024 22:27

You have got mixed information on here .

I appreciate you are looking for experiences but do get proper legal advice .. This isn’t worth ignoring

Scissor · 17/07/2024 22:33

You need to get proper legal advice asap.

This is too unusual for general advice on a forum.