Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

That's not fair. OP was happy to facilitate contact every week after they broke up because her son enjoyed meeting up with her ex partner. The only thing to change is she has a new partner. Despite having a new partner OP did not stop her son's contact with her ex. The ex now wants to get some kind of legal day over her son. There is no need for this at all. If OP wanted to move away no doubt if her ex had this court order he'd be able to block it. I wonder if this man feels such a fatherly bond with OP's son does he pay her child support for the child? If the answer is no he shouldn't be given parental rights.

I’ve seen it happen without consent too via my work but it was complex. Bio Dad missing since conception, Bio Mum started relationship with man the child grew to know as Dad when child was a few months old. They split when he was about 8ish. “Dad” and child had continued weekend contact but Mum sadly went downhill (substance abuse, general life choices) and social services pushed for the court to award parental rights and a lives with order to “Dad” as a good (and frankly cheaper) alternative to the boy entering the foster system. Kind of like a kinship care agreement but not a biological one I suppose.

The only person treating the child like property and crying 'mine' in this case is the ex-stepfather.

Do you really think he should have the legal authority to, for example, deny medical treatment for the child while he's visiting? Do you think the OP should be legally required to consult him before making big decisions, e.g where to live? He's not applying to enshrine the access visits, he wants decision making responsibility.

Nope. Not unless OP is married to her ex and both natural parents agree to it. This is a non-starter - doesn’t matter how old the child is or how long they’ve had the relationship.

You need to get legal support asap to ensure the court is fully informed that you don’t agree. It certainly seems very controlling of him to push this through without your input.

Op... is your ex partner paying child support? I dont think you have mentioned it. Will he have to if he goes ahead with this and it is granted?

It does, I work in a school, and have known it happen

I can't be much help here other than say take legal advice.

I think, your son might need his own legal advice. I think that your son will be entitled to legal aid.

I’m guessing he is panicking now you are with someone new. As he isn’t technically his Dad. If he has parental responsibility, does that mean he intends to pay towards your child? What is his point with this? Or if he wants a legal say on your child what is he aiming for? I’d try contacting gingerbread single parent charity for advice. A lot of solicitors offer single parents a free half hour meeting as well.

Op this is fairly niche you would be best seeking legal advice if you can .

I can't seen how a ex boy friend can be awarded PR if parent doesn't want it. But I don't know if it can happen.

No you haven't. Stop stirring

Yes he can.

I once dated a guy who raised a child thinking he was the father and it came out he wasn’t. (Him and the mum had split up a while before) He applied for PR, got 50/50 custody.

@Bakersdozens

Perhaps you mean access rather than PR?

Pls be clear. Because PR REQUIRES parents to agree

Your ex, bluntly speaking, is legally no one to your ds in the UK. Just because he's known your son for those years, doesn't mean he has any rights.

@Sunsetfarmblue, why are you not confirming whether or not you were married to your ex?

I feel this also. If I were him I would be feeling very scared and wanting to make sure you couldn't just cut me off.

Jeez all these posts telling you to stop the visits. This child is 11 and this man is the only father he’s ever known. No he’s not the bio parent but when they were together it sounds like he raised him and treated him like he would his own child. Stopping contact is really not the answer, why punish the child?

I don’t know the answer legally, but many saying he’s controlling etc, whereas to me it sounds like he’s feeling hugely vulnerable. You’re in a new relationship and he’s probably scared that could lead to you both making a decision to stop contact. You can’t at 11, the child will go and see him anyway in a couple of years and there’s a real risk of it backfiring. I’d go to court and say you don’t support the application but are happy for contact to continue. He just wants that legal protection over his relationship and I think that’s a good thing. Many men are so happy to dump their own children after a break up, it’s nice this guy values his relationship with your child, even if he is over stepping with this application.

I have quite a lot of (professional) experience in family law. But not in England / Wales nor in any other part of the UK or Ireland, so this is NOT legal advice but simply based on my experience gained practicing:

Family law can be quite tricky especially due to child welfare considerations, which can occasionally lead to cases becoming somewhat unpredictable. The precise facts of a case (and the legal weight associated with certain issues) tend to be crucial as well.

I would therefore urge you to get legal advice asap. From a qualified family law solicitor, not mumsnet.

If that’s absolutely impossible (due to financial or other reasons) I would strongly encourage you to look up local charities with legal aid programs. I used to volunteer my time for a women’s shelter, there might be similar schemes where you live.

OP, please read up on controlling abusive relationships and what walking on egg shells and dealing with a sulker means.

You were in an abusive relationship and his actions are more of the same.

Educate yourself and call Womens aid for advice.

This is not a benign action, but the actions of an abusive man to regain some control.

He is not a good man and not a good influence on your son.

Take this very seriously and wake up to what your relationship was and his motivations are in doing this.....an attempt to retain some control over you and your child.

Ask Women's aid for recommendations for legal advice.

No, you’re incorrect. Most welfare reports in private law family cases are completed by Cafcass with no referral to the local authority unless there’s an immediate risk of harm. They obtain safeguarding information from police and Children’s Services as part of their reporting but this is not a referral.

Cafcass will always provide an initial “safeguarding” letter to the court summarising this agency information, parents views and initial advice to the court, but will only complete a more in depth assessment in cases where there are further welfare issues.

I agree with others OP - get a good family solicitor, this s way too complex and unusual for a MN forum to advice.

This in spades. I wouldn't stop the contact, whilst ir is positive for your son. I doubt very much he will get PR.

This. At the very least I'd be contacting Citizens advice or Gingerbread.

Honestly that would really concern me. I'd see a solicitor to help me nip it in the bud. I'd actually stop the visits too.

I would fight this! It would mean he could stop you going on holiday ect. He would effectively be able to have a lot of control over you for the next 7 years.