Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

I would fight this hard too. Anything you say in court or in submissions to the court will be on the record so taking a soft approach now could be weaponised against you later. Ie. If you acknowledge a positive relationship or praise your ex’s parenting skills.

This is your child. It’s your call who is allowed in your son’s life. You have let this man see your child each week and now he’s taken that kindness as something he is entitled to and is dragging you through the courts.

I would put a stop to the weekly visits now. If he becomes aggressive about it, call the police.

You need to disentangle from ex. Why is he still living in a house you are paying towards? He either buys you out or the house is sold and proceeds split.

Get legal advice to stamp on this court case and force sale. I recommend some kind of attempt to mediate but he sounds nasty.

I'd cease the contact. Your poor ds. It sounds like you are being manipulated by this man into being lovely and reasonable and he's rewarding you by trying to get PR. This is a hard no. The man is playing games trying to control you.

I fear that this is partly to do with being able to retain some control or placeholder in MY life

I agree with this and you'd be mad to continue to have him in your life. Clean break.

Hang on. Does he think that PR will secure his right to stay in the house?

Next he will be applying for custody and you to pay him maintenance!

I have just read your update. What kind of man takes child benefits money from a mother and child? He can’t afford to look after your son. He cant even afford it for one day a week! That is quite aside from you having to pay rent for yourself and subsidise his accommodation by paying half the mortgage.

Staying in the family home while you and your son move out also shows he puts his own needs ahead of your son’s needs. Again, what kind of man would insist on staying in the family home while the child he sees as his own moved into rental accommodation with his mother?

Are you agreeing to all this because you feel guilty for leaving him? You are giving him husband and father rights when he is none of these things. Why introduce him to your new partner? It’s none of his business. The relationship is over. The house needs to be sold and proceeds split, you need to firm up your boundaries and stop telling him about your personal life.

How does your new partner feel about your ex having so much control over your life? I think this court application is indicative of your ex’s massive sense of entitlement and attempt to control when it comes to you.

This is about money primarily and controlling you.
He pays nothing towards your child.
You pay him some money and he is housed by you.
This is about him looking after number 1 and using your child as means to do that.
He is a liar.
You should look at taking a mortgage holiday and tell him buy you out or it's up for sale.
Wake up OP, this is not a good man.

I would fight PR too as you said he could have applied for a contact order.

I too think you need to force sale of the house, the relationship needs ending formally and ties broken. Your ex is clinging to you and DS.

You need to work out why you are pacifying your ex boyfriend so much. You are pacifying him financially, using your son to pacify him and then getting your new boyfriend to pacify him. All for a man you say is not abusive.
This is why I don't like the "take the high road/ do the right thing" approach people tell women to take with their exs. Sometimes the right thing can be the stupid thing. Particularly if the ex is a character like this one you have here. He is all about protecting his own interest. You seem to be wanting to keep him happy at all cost. Someone is going to end up getting hurt. If you were concerned about your son having access to the home he grew up in, ex should have moved out. He protected his own internet there.
Why has he not offered to refund the money you gave him for the cancellation? Why have you not ask for it? Why does your ex boyfriend feel so entitled to your money and why don't you challenge it. Sorry to comment again but your situation is baffling.

You need to get proper advice as soon as you can. Ring the court who may have a welfare officer who can advise you. You need to let them know you oppose this and have already agreed access. The only benefit will be to your ex, and it's controlling behaviour. He will be controlling your life through your son. If you need to go for a full on character assassination do it, I speak from experience. Don't look back in a few years and realise that playing nice dropped you neck deep in the mire. Try the CAB or women's advice charities if funds are tight, good luck Mama

I wonder how much of your sons desire to see your ex relates to him living in the former family home?
The familiarity of this will be a big pull.

Obviously lawyer guidance first but I think getting the house sold and stopping giving him some of your child benefit is an absolute priority.

Ex sounds both abusive and controlling.

You should be seeking legal advice now OP. Do you have access to legal advice through a work union you could start with? If not get some initial advice from Citizens Advice Bureau? www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/

The rules only mention married step parents or those in a civil partnership, it seems your ex was neither. It also seems your sons bio dad would have to approve as well as you, unless he officially gave up his PR. Sounds like the exP is pushing the rules to the limit and beyond, but there may be loopholes.

You need legal advice, you could try citizens advice, but I would see a family law solicitor. And make sure you attend any court proceedings so he can't just say you agree, or get the court date put off until you get proper advise.

Hang on. He refused to move out of the family home and saw OP move out with the son he claims to be so close to. He’s living in the home that OP pays half the mortgage on and he’s getting some of OP’s child benefit because he clearly can’t afford to pay for the boy even one day a week. And now he’s applying to the court for parental control which would give him a say in everything connected with the boy ? And you think she’s lucky ?

If he cared about your son so much he wouldn’t have made you and your son move out - he would have wanted your son to remain in his childhood home and moved out himself. I completely agree that your ex is looking for PR as a means of control and you need to be very vigilant about his continuing relationship with your son.

Stop giving him money, ffs, and sort out the finances with your old home. That's just ridiculous.

I think you’ve had your eyes opened op. It’s time while you are seeing a lawyer to force the sale of the house, and stop giving this man some of the child benefit.

Not 100% sure of this but wouldn't your Son's bio Dad have to give his permission for anyone other than you & him having Parental responsibility? whether he's on the scene or not if he's named on your Sons Birth Certificate then he is legally responsible for his child. Your ex can't just apply for it. My understanding was it could only go to someone other than the parents for when a child is adopted or a court order is in place for the childs safety.

Where do you live geographically?! Where you live should have a service equivalent to https://www.ncls.co.uk which provides free legal advice.

I agree with this- as a professional working in this area I would only normally expect PR being awarded to a non biological parent if there were concerns about the parenting capacity of the resident parent and the local authority were looking at alternative options.

@Sunsetfarmblue i hope you and your son are ok x

Rubbish!

But I own half of the house

You need to take legal steps to sort that.

If your ex can't afford to buy you out then he needs to move somewhere he can afford and the house should be sold.