Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

Sooo... if he pays her money he should be given parental rights? It comes down to finances for you?

You said 'there is no need for this at all' and then in the next sentence raised the point that if OP 'wants to move away'. Quite. I suspect that is exactly the sort of thing that makes the ex feel like he needs this. OP has so far allowed contact but he has absolutely no guarantee that will continue - she could, as some are gleeful to point out, stop contact tomorrow.

I’m inclined to agree with this.

You were putting your child first when you maintained that bond after you and he split, which is admirable and to your credit.

But he knows he is in a vulnerable position in terms of continuing that relationship and wants to rectify that.
You don’t mention having any concerns about his relationship with your child, or you.
My first step would be to talk to him directly, and then maybe with professional mediators, to try to reach an amicable conclusion before engaging with expensive lawyers and inevitable rifts and antagonism that will build between you two.

The person who matters most here is your son, and antagonism building between you two won’t help him, and neither will a disruption in the relationship between him and his effective ‘Dad’ ( your Ex).

It will be tough, but I think centering what’s best for your son is what both of you have to keep in mind in resolving this.

This is too complex and the stakes are too high to depend on (conflicting) advice on the internet. You need professional, expert advice and support, asap. Contact a specialist lawyer today and get started on evidencing your own position on what your ex is proposing.

To me, this feels controlling and over-stepping on the part of your ex. A decent and respectful man wanting to maintain a family relationship really wouldn't be rushing to court to gain PR against the wishes of the child's mother. A decent man might look to agree something in writing, or use mediation if needed to reach an arrangement, but this is a bit of a nuclear option which your ex will know will cause distress and anxiety for you and your child. In the absence of a legal requirement, once this court issue is resolved, I'd be seriously looking to reduce contact with a man behaving in this way. This isn't the sort of role model you want for your child.

I agree with this. My son and his wife separated but he still. After 3 years separated has regular contact with his step daughter. He has a day in what cam and cam not happen. He has PR as they wanted to ensure that if mum passed away she would stay with him and their children. Situation with dad was he was not around and was in and out of prison. Not sure what would happen as you are separated but I would be seeling legal advice to make sure of your grounds. Just don't let people on here suddenly make you think he is controlling if you have never thought that previously. Good luck

This is assuming you have the exact same situation and are based in the same country

None of us know what your ex like as a person, I don't think you can just assume it's him being controlling like a PP suggested. He might be controlling, but he could also just be acting out of fear, especially if this coincides with you having a new relationship. Without something legal he's relying on the good nature of his ex to stay in his kids life. That could feel really precarious. Its not a big leap for him to think a new partner could supplant him and he'll no longer get to see the child he loves and who he thinks of as his kids. Given you were discussing going down that path previously, it might not have otherwise been on his radar. I don't know what I'd do if I was in his shoes. I don't agree with his actions, but I can understand why he'd want that security to know he can stay in his DSS life.

I have no idea if he can do this but as to motivation could he be thinking in the unlikely event something happened to you he would want to be the "parent" and that perhaps someone in your family would stop all contact. It is the only reason I can think of, don't know if there is anyway to reassure him on that.

Took me 4 years to get my ex out of MY dc's lives... Yes he can apply for access... My ex also gained PR of one of my teens. You are being ill advised by those who haven't been in your situation like I have op...

This is assuming you have the exact same situation and are based in the same country
I think @Sunshineafterthehail point is valid.

Of course Ops situation is unlikely to be exactly the same but people with no legal experience are telling her that she has nothing to worry about is irresponsible.

I'm guessing the best advice is to seek legal advice and get actual facts rather than opinions.

Saying that there is some excellent advice about mediation and also talking to your ex to try to resolve it with a positive outcome for all three of you.
Just because you've moved on to your next fella doesn't mean the bond between ex and your ds should be broken just because it suits you. You were happy for him to be around an⁸d be his dad, now you don't want that.

OP has so far allowed contact but he has absolutely no guarantee that will continue - she could, as some are gleeful to point out, stop contact tomorrow.

Yes. Men can't win sometimes. This person has been the boy's father figure for as long as the boy can remember. I imagine that he loves the child as any father would.

In his place I'd be hugely fearful of losing the child, as would anyone on this thread, I imagine.

If try to work on a compromise that will reassure him (and reassure your son). If a different kind of order would protect the access, then offer that, for your son's sake if nothing else.

I don't think people who haven't experienced how awful family court is have any idea over what is possible. My ex took my child over 2 years ago, I haven't seen her since or spoken to her. Social services cited clear parental alienation and yet nothing has been done about it. He threw every accusation at me he could, as well as trying to get our disabled child put into his care and failed at every avenue. Court has ended in him getting to keep her and emotionally abusing her for however long it takes her to realise. So it wouldn't surprise me if the ex was granted PR. I hope it isn't the case, but judges also have their own personal agendas in court and you're at their whim. Legal advice/womens aid are good places to start.

It can be done, I got PR and became the resident parent for a child that wasn't mine. It was a niche set of circumstances though, I had a child with the mum so the child was my biological child's sibling, and childrens services were involved and supported my application.

Sounds like the OPs situation is rather far removed from my experience though!

This from childlawadvice.org.uk. Anyone who thinks a stepfather of 8 years (past or current) should be granted the legal right to be consulted in, veto, or take the other parent to court to dispute the following decisions is fucking nuts. When the child has at least one fully capable biological parent, and it's against the wishes of that parent.

In practical terms, parental responsibility means the power to make important decisions in relation to a child. This can include:

• determining the child’s education and where the child goes to school;
• choosing, registering or changing the child’s name;
• appointing a child’s guardian in the event of the death of a parent;
• consenting to a child’s operation or certain medical treatment;
• accessing a child’s medical records;
• consenting to taking the child abroad for holidays or extended stays;
• representing the child in legal proceedings;
• determining the religion the child should be brought up with. Where there is a mixed cultural background, this should include exposure to the religions of all those with parental responsibility until the child reaches an age where he or she can make their own decision on this.

How does your ex feel about YOU op? Ultimately it was ex's blatant hatred towards me that was his downfall. The judge said it would actually be damaging for the dc to see him give how much he hated me. We had dc together and Children Of The Family is a very strong case... Not sure if any other dc involved for your case. Keep determined is my advice. Never agree to any contact either between yourselves or via solicitors demands unless a judge orders something.. I didn't relent for a second in my thinking dc should not see him. We had been married but divorced before he applied for access.

Why is it nuts someone raising a child for 8 years from a toddler is more of a father than a man who a child has never seen but who shares dna.

That's not what I said though is it? I'm not comparing the ex stepfather to the father. I'm asking if you or anyone else really thinks the OP should be forced, under law, to seek his consent if the child needs an operation. And she'd have to take him to court if they didn't agree.

Surely a stepfather is someone who was married to the mother?

Why? This man is the only dad the child has know. Why would OP stop the visits.

That's not putting the child first.

"By law, healthcare professionals only need 1 person with parental responsibility to give consent for them to provide treatment". Additionally, treatment can be provided in the child's best interests even without parental consent.

I don't know where you got that quote from but if it's true, the OP's ex boyfriend would be able to agree to medical treatment for the child without her knowledge or involvement. That's even worse.

Yeah... if he managed to kidnap him and hold him in isolation for long enough to convince doctors to perform medical treatment for a condition OP has no knowledge of. And, of course, if it's in the child's best interests. Doctors don't just treat children for no reason. But nothing nothing nothing in this post suggests that this guy is after anything like this!

If he's granted parental rights there's no such thing as kidnap is there. He could keep the child, move away and the OP would have the fight of her life to get him back.

I'm convinced the smug marrieds are just on here for an argument because they don't like that the OP's had more than one man in her son's life. Nobody in their right mind could actually think it's OK for someone to apply for decision making rights over a well cared for child that isn't theirs. The guy's a manipulative controlling prick. Even step parents who are still actually married to the parent and caring for the kids wouldn't seek to take control and diminish parental rights like this.

But nothing nothing nothing in this post suggests that this guy is after anything like this!

And did you actually read the OP?

he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son.

Are people confused about the difference between parental responsibility and access/visitation? That might explain some of the more mindblowing posts on this thread.

PR does not provide immunity from kidnapping or abduction charges. Google is your friend, don't be afraid of it.

Even step parents who are still actually married to the parent and caring for the kids wouldn't seek to take control and diminish parental rights like this.

OK. That's a bold statement to make, given that you cannot possibly know about everyone else's lives.

I'm convinced the smug marrieds are just on here for an argument because they don't like that the OP's had more than one man in her son's life.

Yikes. That is all.

Two sets of circumstances in which PR could be ceded over to another adult. One is an agreement signed by both parents, the other is a court order. No one can advise as to the latter circumstance but a qualified family lawyer.

Common sense might suggest that because OP is in a new relationship, her ex is indulging in a very obvious power grab, not least an unnecessary one given contact is ongoing in any event. Otherwise, it could legitimately be asked, why go to court? But when it comes to the law you can never assume.

The one thing you can take for granted legally speaking is that the best interests of the child will always take precedence. What this looks like in practice is less certain. Continued contact might well be deemed to be in his interests, as you have reasonably concluded - PR is another thing entirely. But it's too big a gamble to risk.

Legal advice is a must.