Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

The court may take your son's opinion into account at 11.

Be careful and very wary of this man. I lost my daughter for 4 years. From 14-18 because of parental alienation by her step parent to hurt me. He didn't even need to go to court, she chose to go and live with him.

Similar story in that I thought it in her best interests to continue contact with him as she had known him since she was 2. It was not the best at all.

Please ignore people saying he has no rights and get some legal advice. It's a complex situation.
He can apply for PR but you'll probably have to have mediation and CAFCASS reports before it gets to court. The courts would be interested in promoting a relationship with your son if it's something he wanted. He's 11 and the courts will want to know his wishes and feelings. Whether or not the courts would grant PR is the reason you need to see a specialist family lawyer. I think it's a weak case and there are other orders available but your ex has been around for more than 2/3 of his life. It's a significant amount of time. Think about what would work best for your son and what you could agree to through mediation.

My response would be to call in the lawyers and fight this, hard, and then work on extricating him from our lives.

With the benefit of hindsight, I think overnight visits were a risky strategy, the ongoing relationship could easily have been facilitated in other (better) ways.

Get a lawyer and fight. Stop the visits completely

I suspect he is controlling and this is a way to keep control over you and your child.
You should get expert legal advice asap, and put a list together of how he used to keep you walking on eggshells to keep him happy, his sulking and other behaviours.

This is wrong. There’s only referral to the local authority if there are safeguarding concerns.

This. V good advice. Most of the other posts on here are incorrect and it’s quite a niche area of knowledge. Right now, your priorities ought to be continuing to facilitate your son maintaining the relationship it he wants to and getting legal advice. If you stop your son seeing your ex then it strengthens his argument. If you can show the court you’re acting in the child’s best interest the. Your ex simply doesn’t need an order. If you get this right, the court won’t grant any order at all.

What is his reasoning behind this? Are you in a new relationship? Is he? I would be bringing my concerns to the court that as he has taken such an unnecessary adversarial position you no longer feel its in your child's best interests to maintain contact

If you stop your son seeing your ex then it strengthens his argument.

If she continues to treat him as a defacto parent by sending her son to stay every week, it also strengthens his argument.

I think your first sentence was spot on and probably where your post should have ended - this is a specialised area that needs specialist advice.

Perhaps this is the exact point. He's been in this child's life for 8 years, acted like a parent to him and - as MN is so keen to demand -'treated him as his own'. Now, because of the breakdown of the relationship he is powerless to OP and whenever she wants to remove the child from his life. I recognise that OP has facilitated contact until this point but doesn't this show how easily and quickly she can prevent it? Imagine having such a precious relationship ripped away from you like that and be treated like a stranger.

If you want stepparents to treat their stepchildren like family, start allowing just that.

My ex tried this, I had 1 child with him and a 6 month old DC from a previous relationship when we met. In court he asked for PR for both children. He was granted it for his bio child, swiftly followed by a dressing down from the judge for even requesting it for a child he knew wasn't his. Access and Parental Responsibility are different. Access can be recommended by cafcass as was the case with my DC but that doesn't mean he's entitled to PR

It is possible but unlikely. You definitely need proper legal advice.

I would probably tell him if he gets PR he will be liable to pay child maintenance to you for the care of the child. That may have him drop this like a tonne of bricks

I would get advice.

But I would also recognise that this relationship will be very important to both of them. He is your son's father figure. Legalities aside, I would think carefully how you approach this. You were happy to let this man be your son's father for almost his entire life

Really decent? The child is the priority he will have no memory of anyone but this man raising him for 8 years. Her son deserves to have time with him and he deserves that legal protection. This isn't a random boyfriend he has raised him.

I agree. They are family to each other

If you're right (I don't think you are, but I'm no expert) women should be thinking very, very carefully about entering into any step parenting arrangement. Who in their right mind would run the risk that an unrelated male they'd broken up with could end up with decision making authority over their child's health, education and the like.

I'd say get off Mumsnet, get some sleep and consult a solicitor tomorrow for some reliable guidance. You'll just get worried and wound up here.

Fully agree with this. Try not to worry, get proper advice and get some rest.

Thats an intrusive question.

Like pp I think you need specialist legal advice.
And you could start listing what went wrong between you, why he made you feel you had to keep the leave, did you have to be careful about how you spoke to him, did he drink excessively, refuse to pay for things etc… everything you can think of.
Its not to bad mouth him, but to get things clear in your mind.
And why you don’t want him to have PR over your son. Has he paid any money to you since you split, bought your son school uniform etc., If he hasn’t done either of these I don’t think he understands parental rights also mean parental responsibilities.

It sounds like he has panicked because you have a new partner and he has realised the arrangement he has to see your son is just an informal agreement between the two of you that you could rescind at anytime.

This is just his botched attempt to try and prevent you from denying him access further down the line. He should have just spoken to you about it. 🤦‍♀️

Good news is it looks like can’t do this without your consent.

If you are still happy for him to see your son, then I would speak to him and reassure him that you want him to be a permanent father figure in your sons life but there is no way you will allow him to have any legal parental responsibility.

Stop sending your child to this man. He’ll get over it. But keeping up this arrangement is madness and this man is clearly fucked up. Good men don’t play these kinds of games.

Right about what? I wasn't saying anything about the legal technicalities, just a possible reason why this man might be wanting to protect his relationship with this child.

And ALL parents need to think long and hard about entering into a relationship where their child will form familial bonds, not just women. People are sometimes too keen to play happy families until they don't feel like it any more and then treat the children involved like property and cry 'mine'.

You say 'unrelated male' like he's an opportunistic stranger off the street. He's been family to this child for years, presumably with OP's consent and encouragement.

I agree with this to some extent. You shouldn't be bringing step-parents into and out of children's lives at whim. It's actually a good thing that he has stepped up and been a good step parent. If he's a decent person and you trust him then you should keep the contact, but equally he doesn't need to have any legal rights. Sadly, I'm assuming he loves your child as his own and he wants to stay in your child's life.

Bullshit. He's not playing games, he's trying to protect his relationship with his stepson. The OP was happy to have this man be a father to her son when it suited her. It would be distressing to both him and the child if that relationship suddenly stopped. And neither of them will just 'get over it'. He has been in this child's life since toddler age. The fact you think he can just get over it if the child is ripped from his life completely suggests it's you who is fucked up.