Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

I agree that you should get proper legal advice. You need to be careful in that if you stop contact then that might strengthen the argument that he 'needs' an order. Take advice before taking any decisions.

Are you in England & Wales? If so, the application for straight PR is really not adding up in the circumstances that you describe. Does the letter from the court tell you exactly what the application is for?

A step-parent can apply for straight PR (https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/4A) but anyone else who is not a parent can only get PR through some form of other order, most commonly a child arrangements order. If he has applied for straight PR it doesn's sound as if he's eligible. Does he have legal advice? Have you been asked to go for mediation?

You do need to get a solicitor but at the same time I can't see why he should win this case. It would lead the door open to tons of people wanting rights over children that aren't theirs.

Is he doing this purely to spite you, do you think?

Does he pay you child support now?

He doesn't have any more right than a friend you've now stop seeing has.

Yy brought this man into your child's life when he was 3 and you were happy for him to fulfil the role of a father. Just because you've split up, that doesn't cancel out the bond he and your child formed and that you presumably wanted at the time.I don't think he's being controlling - I think he just wants to ensure that you can't just cut him out of the child's life. He wants to make sure he isn't dependent on your goodwill, now that you have a new partner and tbh I think that's fair enough.

I think you can't have your cake and eat it - when you bring someone into your child's life and allow them to become a parent, you can't complain that they then feel like a parent and want legal rights to reflect that. At 11 I think your child has a right to have this relationship protected in law.
I do get that you feel your son is yours and it's a scary prospect that someone who isn't technically related to him is going for legal protection but tbh I think it's good that your son has a man who has chosen to be his dad and who is willing to fight to protect that relationship.

That would be true if he were applying for a child arrangements order but it's not clear whether he is. If he were a step-parent applying for PR then he wouldn't need that permission. It's not completely clear what the application is for (or which country it is in).

If he does not have PR.. ie he is not the biological Father or on the birth certificate, and as long as he does not have a care order which names him as carer for your children I find it unlikely he would be able to successfully go ahead with this in terms of private law.

I obviously do not know the circumstances/family dynamic and any previous concerns social care may have had so these are generalisation, however these will all have a bearing on any decision made by a judge. Paramount is always the wishes and feelings of the child, as well as what is in their best interests.

The answer is yes social services will be requested by CAFCASS to do their own assessment, and as scary as this can be, please don't fear this. Refusal to work with professionals would not look good in court. You do need to seek legal advice as soon as possible.

This is a man you've dumped. A man who isn't the father of your child. A man who your son doesn't call 'dad'. You've been really decent and agreed he can see your son every week.

There's no way a court would give him parental responsibility so that you would have to have decisions approved by him.

Just out of interest, can you tell us the reason for the split?

On what basis are you saying this? This man isn't the child's father. He's an ex who wants revenge.

Hey, thanks for replying. He's not applying for full custody, he's applying for parental responsibility so he can be an additional parent and have some official, legal say over my son.

Hi, I understand what step dad is going for.

Sorry I think I've confused you by dad/step dad.

You say you have full custody. Do you mean you have a lives with order or bio dad relinquished his legal parental rights?

I only ask as step dad may have a better chance at this if bio dad has already given up his parental rights.

Yes, but if he has instructed solicitors then the sensible advice is always that the other party seeks legal advice.

Any CAFCASS intervention triggers a referral and court report request to a local authority social worker. That is the basis.

Do you have access to a free legal advice helpline via your home insurance, @Sunsetfarmblue ? I didn't know that my insurance included it until someone mentioned it and I looked at the policy. It's been invaluable to me in the last few months. I've been able to call as often as I want, and the lawyers I've spoken to have been life savers.

I think this could be a relatively simple question that you can get an answer to on the phone.

I can see why he is applying.

Chance that you meet a new man, want to play happy families with him, he's uncomfortable about continued contact with your ex and it stops.

This is why I would never date someone with a child tbh, especially women who are happy for a man to play that "father" role until it no longer suits them. Incredibly unfair when he's been a father figure for almost all of your son's pre-teen years

@tahinitoast Yes, I did recommend she got a lawyer involved, but it's pretty obvious that an ex from a year ago can't suddenly want parental responsibility when the child doesn't even think the ex is his dad. It's just intimidation.

@MounjaroUser That's your opinion, others may differ.

Revenge? He's been in the child's life since he was 3 and has been seeing him once a week since they separated. You are just projecting there

How is it obvious? Do you have a working knowledge of family law or The Children Act 1989? Even someone qualified to their eyeballs can't generalise to this extent as they do not know the full details.

Any person who has lived with a child for at least three years can apply for a Child Arrangement Order.

If you died would you want your ex to raise your son? Or would you want him to stay with your new partner or go to Grandparents or an Auntie/Uncle/friend?

If you would want your ex to raise your son in the event of your death then I would consider supporting his application for PR so that this could be facilitated.

Section 3.5 of the CA1989:

“A person who-

(a)does not have parental responsibility for a particular child; but
(b)has care of the child,
may (subject to the provisions of this Act) do what is reasonable in all the circumstances of the case for the purpose of safeguarding or promoting the child’s welfare.

He doesn’t need PR. Do you want him interfering in choice of schools etc?

What would you son say if he was asked. You said that your son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. He might really want the relationship to be more formalised.
It's irrelevant that he doesn't call him Dad.

Try not to worry too much OP, I don’t think you’re in a really vulnerable/weak situation here. Obviously do get legal advice because this is an unusual situation but probably the worst of it will be the anxiety It causes you rather than the outcome. I said it as someone who has been through an absolute nightmare with the family courts with my ex who is the biological father . get the advice first, you don’t need to be reactive and suddenly tried to cut contact or anything like that. I always think it’s a good idea to have a call with a direct access barrister rather than a solicitor, they are cheaper and tend to be more realistic I feel. I can recommend a really lovely one if you pm me

OP, my husband and I had to get married before applying for legal parental responsibility for my DC as their step parent. We had to take our marriage certificate to show the court.

What does the letter with the court date on it actually say?

You need to be represented or go to the court hearing. So that the court does know what you think. You have a right to be there.

You must go and object.

Get legal advice, definitely go to court and object. He may apply to formalise contact but that’s a different matter from PR.