Can my ex who isn't my child's biological parent apply for legal rights over my child

[Sunsetfarmblue]

My ex partner and I broke up over a year ago. He is not my sons bio dad but has been in my boys life since he was 3 years old. When I moved out with my son, my ex was worried that he'd no longer be able to have a relationship with my son. My son doesn't call him dad but I know my son loves him and enjoys spending time with him. I am very supportive of them having a relationship, and I made a plan with my ex that he can have my son stay with him once a week which we've been managing for months just fine. My sons happy, and I thought my ex was happy but he just told me that he has applied to the court to get parental responsibility over my son. I don't want this to happen. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here? Can he apply for this without my permission or support? And if I contest it, will social services have to get involved? I don't want that upheaval for my child or for myself.

I personally believe his motivation for wanting this is just his own feelings because I don't see any benefit for my son in getting this. They still have a relationship, and unless I thought he was a danger or not good for my child, I'd never stop him from seeing him. I have started seeing another person, they get on well, my new partner is very respectful of my ex but I do believe this could have sparked my ex to do this.

Any legal advice would be much appreciated.

Tell him to buy you out then or sell the house. Your ex is laughing. A nice house all to himself and only pays half the mortgage. Has your son for a day and gets a good chunk of the child benefit too.

You’re getting bogged down in the minutiae here, OP.

Get a lawyer.

Go to court (with, or without a lawyer if necessary).

And seriously consider selling the house and giving your ex his share of the proceeds.

Go and see a solicitor to force him to either buy you out, or sell up. He's shown his true colours now. You need to end it all with him.

You seem strangely passive about him. You’re paying half the mortgage and child benefit to a man you weren’t married to, who isn’t the father of your child? Once this custody issue is sorted (you need to de-pacify yourself on this one and PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN) you could look next at making him either buy you out or sell the house. this is madness. One step at a time though

You can have parental responsibility without being a parent but both parents have to agree. I've done it.

I feel sad for your son. He's known this man since age 3. They've no memory before this and this is the only dad he knows. Anyone that you meet now will never become their dad, your son wont take to them on this level. I think that you're very lucky that this man even wants to maintain a relationship with this boy.
I too had rhe same thing. A step dad at 3 but he left at 21 and remarried. He is however still in my life 20 years later and his grandson's.

I think it's ultimate goal is to resume the relationship with you. It is control.

How can any legal authority allow this without consent of both biological parents?

Have you actually read all of my posts on this thread because at no point have I said anything other than how I have fully supported their relationship. I have also mentioned how grateful I was for the way he helped with my son, so what do you think I should have done differently then?

Also, you're making a lot of assumptions here. 1. My son has memories of us still living in Ireland (happy ones). 2. My son is very happy, he has lots of people in his life who love him. 3. I would do anything for my son, and will always put his welfare first above all else. If without a PR order, it somehow meant that my ex and son couldn't have a full, meaningful relationship then I'd absolutely consider it because I feel that the relationship is an important one to him. But that is NOT the case. I question my exes motives on this, and I feel like he has gone behind my back and has shown reasons to distrust him.

From what you’ve said your ex is manipulative.
Why in earth are you giving money like that? From the CB (if he is struggling then tough, his choice to waht to see him. You don’t have to lay him for him to have that privilege). Pay fur cancellation fees that he forgot. Still lay fur the full mortgage.
Can you not see how he is financially taking as much as he can from you?

And yes I’m nit surprised you dint trust him anymore. You really need legal advice and a strong one too. Don’t assume it will be cancelled etc…. Assume he’ll push as hard as he can to get control over a child that isn’t his. A child that already has two parents with full PR.

And please stop paying!!
I hope the money for the mortgage is coming out of your account and not his though. Because otherwise he is going to claim HE paid it all since you separated!!

This

@Sunsetfarmblue I am really, really sorry OP but the more you write the clearer it becomes that your ex is indeed abusive. Abuse is not just about hitting someone, and this is clearly an extremely manipulative and controlling individual… consistent criticism of the level of “you can’t make a bed properly”, and saying you need to experience loving by yourself - then all this shenanigans.

It doesn’t matter how reasonable you are with this man - he will never return the favour and is using your son.

Please see a lawyer urgently and get advice on the current situation and on selling the house and splitting the proceeds as soon as is possible. Do not let that aspect drift - you and your son will end up financially impaired.

You would be doing yourself a huge service if you read Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? urgently. It may completely reframe your view of your ex, and was more valuable to me than years of therapy and counselling in understanding what was happening to me.

Under no circumstances allow the court proceeding to go ahead without you being there and being represented. You CANNOT afford to wait. You say you don’t want this to happen - let’s put it this way, your ex (who is struggling financially to the point where he needs a share of your child benefit) has ALREADY instructed a solicitor, taken advice and taken steps to gain PR. You’re the child’s mother - do not sleepwalk your way into something happening that you then have to spend time and money fighting. Get ahead of it this very minute and fight back.

Speak to a solicitor first but I’m afraid it is also likely that it is time to have a hard conversation with your son and explain that contact needs to be paused for a period. Again, legal advice is important here, given your son is keen on the contact and you’ve told ex that you’re committed to their relationship, and I know you don’t want your child to become a pawn in all this. But you have to do what’s best to protect your interests. If your ex is as controlling as he seems then it’s certainly not behaviour a child needs to have modeled for them if at all avoidable.

Stop assuming that because you’re decent and trying to do the right thing, your ex is too. He has already proved he isn’t. FIGHT!

I have a friend whose ex is forever taking her to court for various things and in one of the applications he asked for PR for his wife.

My friend did not agree and the courts said the step mum would need to make her own application but would need very unlikely to be granted.

I would definitely speak to a lawyer though. It seems that your ex has his ducks in a row and you need to be prepared.

Parental Responsibility is an incredibly useful thing. I've worked in schools where Step-parents come to pick up kids but are not able because they don't have parental responsibility for the child. It can also be a problem if your child was sick or injured whilst staying at his house. It's also a good safety net should anything happen to you (heaven forfend).

It doesn't mean he's going to start applying for custody. Just that it means he can take responsibility for your child if required.

He can be on a list of who can pick up the child without having PR.

You so need to sprak to a solicitor like yesterday.

He lives on your house and he's making moves on your son despite not putying a penny towards his upkeep.

Get proper legal advice BEFORE you hear from the courts as he's got more planned. That's a promise.

I adopted a child and part of the adoption is the bio parents having to relinquish PR and I took PR (single adopter so I had 100%).

I was always under the impression that the bio parent, in this case your ds's bio Dad had to agree to your ex legally adopting your dd which would give him 50% PR, and the bio Dad then had no legal rights over his bio son. I'd struggle to see how, unless the bio dad had been contacted that your ex would have a legal to stand on. You can't just 'take' PR off someone even an absent parent. The only time it gets removed without agreement is if there is abuse or neglect.

But I'm not a solicitor so I'd suggest you get a free half hour legal advice with a family solicitor who specialises in this type of scenario.

Your ex gladly let you and your CHILD leave their home, because he didn't want to move out. What kind of a man puts his own wants before a child? And you're paying him some of your son's child benefit?!?! Oh my goodness. Please stop.

You can force him to move out though, that's exactly what happens when couples split up, those who won't consent to a house sale go to court to get it forced. So if he refuses to sell the house, go to court to force the sale. Him living there will likely put buyers off, so beware that selling it may be a nightmare. You really should have stayed in the house with your son, and just bought him out of his share.

I can't see how this is in your son's interest more than what the current arrangements is. Financial motivation is the only thing I can think of. Perhaps he thinks that if he has parental rights, you can't force sale of the house when you or your current partner get fed up of you paying the mortgage for a house you don't live in and then paying rent elsewhere. You are paying half the mortgage for a house you don't live in, I know it is half yours but its still a weird thing to do to benefit your ex boyfriend. You are also giving him part of your son's child benefit money. Are you paying this man to be in your son's life? If he wants to be an equal parent, why doesn't he contribute financially like an equal parent would? Why did he not do more parenting of your son while you were together? I would be interested to know how he responds if you tell him you want to put the house on the market and you will stop giving him money when he has your son.
How did you get your new boyfriend to agree talk to you ex to reassure him, because that ridiculous frankly. Most would see that as a red flag.

My ex H adopted my son from a past relationship, thereby obtaining Pr. It was complex with social services involved, both I and my sons biological father had to agree. Even though my sons biological father was not named on his birth cert and had never seen or co tributes to his son.
It won't happen OP, if you oppose it.

That's adoption it's not the same thing at all.

Get a lawyer now, don't wait for anything !
Don't waste your time thinking about whys and how's. Be practical, be prepared and avoy any nasty surprises.
We women try to be fair and kind, unfortunately exes many times aren't.
Better be safe than sorry, once this gets to court you will be running trying to get to speed, do that now and be prepared.
Don't hope for the best, your son is too precious to risk it.
Good luck

Wow that's worrying OP , I would never have realised an ex partner could get any legal right over a non biological child , unless they had adopted them, You need legal advice asap.
I would say its because you've met someone else, would your son have said something about your new partner to your ex? or might have said something about wanting to see his step dad more, see what happens if you suggest to your son that he's not going to see his step dad.
All the best OP hope it works out

Get a lawyer now. Please don't wait to see what happens at court.
Also, sell the house and cut financial ties. Then see if your ex still wants PR when his cash is removed.

This is just horrifying. How did he manage that? He’s not even her father. I’m so sorry @Therapy4all. how did you get her back?