Child protection

[Fairypick]

Hi, this is my story and am looking for any advice or guidance in regards to my post. Please don’t judge.

Almost 10 years ago I had my second child and at around 8 months old they sustained unexplained none accidental injuries these were the injuries caused from the Drs review:
2014 baby was presented by his mother at his GP surgery with bruising and swelling to his feet, she was unable to offer any explanation to how an immobile child could have sustained these injuries, baby was then referred to Hospital and examined by a doctor. Baby was found to have linear bruising on the tops of the right foot as well as bruising on the tip of the right big toe and diffuse bruising on the soles of both feet. There was also a small 0.5 superficial scratch on top of baby’s chest and a small 5mm linear bruise on the posterior aspect of baby’s left ear. A skeletal survey also found baby to have 6 healing fractures to the ribs, which appeared to be old ones.
There were concerns that the injuries may have been caused by either mother or her partner (not the. Baby’s farther) and they were arrested and bailed with no further action due to no evidence an interim court order was granted. It is noted that in a court of law and family court the judge determined either mother or her partner had caused the injuries and a Lancashire finding was accepted as neither mother or partner were accepting responsibility for causing the injuries that baby had sustained although the blamed each other at the time of the incident.
As part of this section 47 enquiry SW spoken to both in question about the injuries and they both remain clear that they did not cause the injuries to baby nor can they explain what happened or how it happened. Mother also shared that if she had of caused the injuries she would not have taken her baby to get treatment as she knows this would have got her into trouble. Almost 11 years on me and my partner are now expecting our first baby together, there has been no DV in almost 7 years and we have remained very positive in our relationship since and very much looking forward to the arrival of our new born baby. We were made subjected to a child protection order in January due to a referral and we were very open and honest about this, we have worked very closely openly and honestly with the LA since the order was made and have never dismissed anything to them. We are due to have a review conference shortly before our baby is born and we currently scored a 3 and this still remains a score of 3 in the report from the SW before the next review meeting. However despite working extremely hard and jumping through many hoops we were informed that they will be seeking legal advice and can not define an answer as to what will happen next this was not mentioned in the very first meeting, we have completed all the assessments and tasks even agreed to any plan needed to ensure we get to be a family and keep our newborn baby, no pre birth plan has been completed yet either. The reason being that that they are seeking legal advice from what they have said is is that we are both saying now that we don’t think either of us caused the injuries, LA didn’t realise the seriousness of the past case either. We have consent to having a virtual baby for 48hrs and will do anything in our power to show and demonstrate we are no risk at all. We understand that they have a duty to ensure children are protected and especially newborn a babies we have never dismissed that, yes it’s difficult to tell what happened or why it happened as we do not know ourself, yes I admit I did at that time failed to safeguard my child who sadly sustained injuries. What am asking is really what do you think will happen, do we stand a chance of keeping our newborn baby and maintaining as a family unit or are we losing a fighting battle that we have worked so very hard for? I fully understand their worries and concerns but surely with a lot of positives and the length of time passed we could be given a chance at this? We are more then happy to be placed in a mother and baby unit, a foster placement or a supervision order, the last thing we want is to have our baby removed. Any advice or experience would be much appreciated and please don’t judge we are not horrible bad people just two people who would very much like the opportunity to show we can care, protect and love our child to the best of our ability with the support of the LA until they feel satisfied that the risks are no longer there. Yes they have expressed in their report that they think the new born baby will potentially be at significant risk of harm when born, but surely if we are not given a chance to prove this wrong they is that not fair at all? We have been told to keep providing for our baby and that they don’t know what the plan of the next steps will be although they have expressed that we have engaged positively since the very beginning and that no DV has been present for many years also.
Thank you for your understanding.

I'm another CP social worker - there are so many risks here. @Fairypick your first post shows a frightening level of dissociation with what happened to your baby. The lack of insight you show shows me that your baby should be the subject of the PLO process and the LA should issue care proceedings at birth. Please stop with the disguised compliance about separation, we've heard it all before but your actions don't match your words. At all.

I hope that this child is removed at birth. And I hope your other child is leading a fulfilling life with his father.
i am disgusted that you would stay with a man who abused your child. Although part of me thinks you are jointly responsible for this. I think you both played a part in the babies suffering. That poor little mite.
your posts come across as very selfish and all ‘me me me’ there is not one ounce of regret about staying with this man or for the injuries inflicted on your child.
You repulse me

But it's not an order - that can only be granted at Court and no orders are made in respect of an unborn baby. My original point was that if the poster who said they had lots of experience in law thought there was a child protection order in place for an unborn baby then they were not as experienced as they said they were. The rest of their information was also sadly misguided and could be dangerous.

Fwiw there are also prebirth CP plans in England.

And now she's having another baby with the same man?

No. Her older child has a different father who has full parental responsibility for that child.

They mean the same man who hurt her baby. That was current partner not the baby's father

Yes, evidently the step father was the one harming the baby in 2014 and now the OP is having a child who is the bio child of the abusive step father?

So does England. But it's not a court order.

Op your posts are problematic and it does seem like you’re still with him and now saying you will,leave to keep the baby, something you had ample opportunity to do last time so you could protect and raise your first child.

i think your lack of personal responsibility for your own actions is the key issue, and as such I suspect they will need to take and protect this baby too.

You sound so odd - so much of what you wrote is about you. I couldn’t fucking live with myself if some no mark piece of shite nearly killed my baby (if it was him - could be you by the sound of it) let alone go on and have a baby with him years down the line. Just because you weren’t charged - all that means is they couldn’t prove which one of you it was and there’s a 50/50 here that actually it was you. I was that baby once by the way in case you think I am being horrible - I hate the person who gave birth to me to this day and physical abuse as a baby has impacted my whole life. I hope your baby is taken from you and neither of you see him or her again. Your other child is better off without you.

Thanks for your update OP.

The best advice any body can give is to be sure you do the right thing from now on in, led from for your own conscience.

You know you have done wrong so admit those wrong doings clearly to SS without any dressing up with excuses and without labouring the mitigating circumstances.

Make sure you are truly separated in every way possible from the father …all for your own true reasons and not because you think it will sway the outcome in your favour.

Always do the right thing in your life from now on in. Know there is no room for further error on your part.

Be prepared for this not to go your way but stay calm and sensible and keep trying to do your best.

Hold the love you hold for your children close to your heart and pledge to live your life well, earning your own living, in spite of the pain, for the sake of your future.

Nobody here can predict exactly how it will go, but know that there is hope that one day, you can prove to your children that you have turned your life around all by yourself because of the love you have been holding for them .

This is either entirely made up or you shouldn't be allowed to keep this baby.

If what you've written is correct then your poor child sustained repeat horrific injuries during the months you were caring for them and you failed to notice. You then remained in a relationship with the only person other than yourself who could have caused those injuries. You are now pregnant with that same person.

This means you were either:

• the ones who cause the injuries
• complicit in causing and hiding the abuse
• highly susceptible to believing the lies and accepting the behaviour of an abuser.

Given you have said you are willing to completely change your entire life and extricate yourself from an abusing relationship of over a decade, based on a few posts from strangers on a forum, I could believe that its option 3. I just think that means you are likely to find yourself believing whatever he says, staying with him and allowing him to abuse this new baby too.

I very much hope that social services remain very very active in your lives and keep an incredibly close eye on your baby because otherwise I fear that this story could have a terrible ending.

I think it’s very dangerous to accept a word this person says and assume it was her partner that harmed her child. There has been mention of another child too (or her writing is incredibly poor), so what happened there? Who is the baby with the learning difficulties and flat head?

OP you said you were diagnosed with a personality disorder but no further mention of this. Are you receiving treatment for this? Your posts come across as being disassociated with what happened but that doesn’t mean you weren’t involved. I’d be very wary of someone with a personality disorder having custody of their child after a previous child was so badly hurt, with no one admitting to causing the harm.

Cold, calculated people can be good at pulling the wool over people’s eyes and as a result, not being prosecuted for crimes they have committed. I wouldn’t take this person at their word at all.

OP, you do not have a legal right to any of your children, they have legal rights and protections to ensure they are healthy and well. I'm usually very sympathetic to abuse victims as I too have been manipulated by an abuser but I don't believe you are remorseful about not keeping your child safe, about leaving your partner, about loving this child.

I hope that your newborn is given the chance to live a full and healthy life away from you and your abusive partner.

What’s telling now, thinking about it, is that you have said you don’t know how the injuries were caused, which really indicates it was in fact you. If it was your partner, you’d be telling us 100% it was him, as you’d know for certain wouldn’t you?

Either she’s still protecting him, yes, or she repeatedly hurt her own baby.

it doesn’t bear thinking of. I hope the children, as I think there is maybe more than one, are living a happy healthy life, and that the authorities can take and protect this one from harm.

Why oh why do people keep having children in this scenario. The poor children are treated like objects, fuck up one's life and then just have another one to replace it just like that. Op your baby could have died and it's either you or your 'partner' or both of you who did it. I hope this baby is taken away from you both as they are in a lot of danger. You're trying to backtrack and say all the right things to pretend you've changed but it's pretty obvious you are still not fit to safeguard a child in your care.

And it’s almost unbelievable that she works with children and families.

Given what happened any good father wouldn't want their child to have contact knowing you were either the abuser or covering for the abuser. If he came on here saying his child's ribs were broken while with you & your partner and you hadn't left to protect your child people would tell him to keep that baby safe and away from you. You said the baby that was taken away wsd your second, what happened with your first, because that would have bearing on possible outcomes here. Contact isn't a right, neither is getting to keep your baby, that's a privilege you have to earn by showing absolutely that this baby isn't going to be hurt. You're still the abuser or covering for them because you came on here and said that neither of you know what happened. That's BS either you did it or you know he did and you stayed with the man that broke your babies ribs. If I was SS I wouldn't trust you. I don't see how you can come back from that.

I'm usually very sympathetic to abuse victims as I too have been manipulated by an abuser but I don't believe you are remorseful about not keeping your child safe, about leaving your partner, about loving this child.
Me too, my XH is an abusive bully but this feels off to me.

I have thought this too. If the OP was willing to go to any lengths to keep her baby she’d say the injuries were caused by her then partner and so baby would be safe with her. I think the only reason they’re protecting each other is because they are both guilty.

Must have been a bit tricky getting a DBS for that role

Am only guilty for failing to protect and not safeguard am guilty for not noticing something sooner, am guilty for allowing that to of happened, am guilty that my child suffered am not guilty of causing injuries at all am not that way inclined and I feel so very hateful of myself for this! Has anyone read anywhere where I have said differently that I don’t blame myself?? so tell me why would another parent that caused harm breaking a leg by twisting and admitted it keep their child and go to have another, why would another have their child killed by an an animal and go to have another, why would another allow a child to fall out of the car under another car almost killing them not putting them in a safety seat and disconnecting the child lock and take class A drugs while pregnant and deem to be safe to continue to parent? In my case is very serious am not dismissing this at all, yet am being labelled as though I did the crime myself and myself alone? I woke up to my child in distress and knew something was not right and got help from professionals to understand why my child was very much in distress? what happened is purely down to myself of poor judgment am not looking for feel sorry for me I’ve never once said I am in any of my posts and never will I’ve been very open and honest all the way through.

Please do enlighten me how this would have been tricky?

And yet you still stayed with the person who did hurt your child.

I'm sorry but this is all a load of excuses.
when you both got arrested and you knew 100% you hadn't done it did you not deduce that your partner must have done it? When social services applied to court to remove your baby did you think about leaving your partner so you could have a chance of keeping your baby? When the child's father stopped you from seeing him over the past ten years did you think about leaving your partner to have a chance of a relationship with your child?
you say that he's a narcissistic abuser yet only yesterday you were saying you wanted to be a family and parent together. It's not adding up. And you're still protesting innocence despite the fact that you seemingly knowingly stayed with the man who hurt your baby and caused you to lose him.

OP said that they were arrested but released with no further action, so they were not charged let alone convicted, therefore there would be nothing for a DBS check to disclose.