Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

@Toadcatcher oh my lovely what a shit he is. My advice is;

1. As others have said, the solicitors will send whatever he instructs them to send. However, threats of going to your employer is absolutely against the Solicitors Regulation Authority code of conduct so please do report them.
2. Contact Women's Aid for support (if not done already).
3. Back to the police. This is not a civil matter; claims for money are civil, harassment including blackmail ("pay up or I'm going to your workplace," is exactly that) is a criminal matter. Make it clear to them that he has attended your property, you are afraid of him. Remind them of recent high profile cases in which women have been killed due to police failures. You want him arrested and you want an injunction preventing him from contacting you or the children. If you believe he may escalate to physical violence you ask for a panic alarm and to have your details flagged as being high risk for domestic abuse.
4. Speak to your employer. Honestly, genuinely you need their support. Not just if he goes to them, but also the impact this has on you.
5. Speak to the kids schools/colleges. Ask for a referral to Children's Social Care if they're under 18. Emotional abuse living in fear of him turning up.
6. Depending on the advice of police and women's aid you may be asked to send a final cease and desist letter. Local universities who run law courses often have pro Bono clinics who can help. Then stop communicating with him or his solicitor. If he wants to take you to court he can. Keep your evidence and show it to the judge. The more you give him the more he will want.

Be angry. This shit wasted years of your life and is still trying to. He's harmed your children and continues to do so. Tell the people around you what is happening. Get their support. You're not the problem here, he is. You've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of.

He'll probably sue his own kids for rent/wear and tear and storage when they reach 18. Idiot.
What an utter nobhead he is.
Ignore.

I received my annual CM assessment which is typically completely underestimated by at least 90% because he does not declare his income and also does not even pay the measly amount that the CMS decides upon based on the minimum wage that he officially pays himself from his business.
I know his net cash position from his form E (I think that’s what it was called) and it was £1M excluding the house.
I was therefore very surprised to see that the CMS informed me that Mr Toad is currently on state benefits. What scam he is now trying I can’t even begin to imagine.

How does he get benefits if he has a million in the bank?

I have absolutely no idea.

I mean this was a few years ago but he can surely not have spent it all? His business is still operating, how can he be on benefits?

OP for someone whose income stream is not just their salary in order to get CM out of him you would have had to take him to Family Court to get an order for CM out of him.

A company and a director are not the same person. So he's clearly taking nothing out of the company or has cleared the money out. Check Companies House.

I checked companies house. This was the first thing I did. I suspect he is not paying himself even a minimum salary and taking dividends only as a company director. I think it is very odd that he can claim benefits whist still owning his business. He is the sole owner. Can he keep his business, millions in shares and pension funds and claim benefits? Wow.

I'm afraid this is wrong. The courts can only order child maintenance in limited circumstances. This is not one of them. However, OP can apply to the CMS for a variation to take other income into account.

I did not get an order for child maintenance @prh47bridge and we did apply for it at the time. The judge said specifically that this is for the CMS. I am going back to the CMS tomorrow to ask for a variation and they can hopefully also shed light on his mysterious benefit claim. Could it be disability benefits? Would he get that even if he has an income? He could probably fake that.

He sent two large hampers - chocolate only plus more chocolate from hotel chocolat for the kids - total value £500, we googled it. This is so outrageous. He does not send them money, does not pay CM but lavishes this decadent gift upon them that they do not need nor want it even like. Nobody can consume these kilos of chocolate. So typical. He never bought gifts anyone needed or wanted, always stuff that was expensive and completely useless. There is so much DD needs for uni and of course I pay for it all. He could have sent vouchers even!

It’s all going to a local food bank. The kids don’t want it anyway. And he is also adding this to list of contributions to the DC.

Can you sell them? Even at half price it's money in your pocket for your DC.

He's adding it to his contributions? Wow.

You need to apply for a mandatory reconsideration and there is a separate box to tick on the online portal for diverted or undeclared income. I did this recently successfully. Gather as much evidence of his lifestyle as you can (and £500 of chocolate counts towards this) so take photos before you redistribute it.

As an aside, he would not qualify for benefits if his financial situation is as you describe. Unless it is some sort of disability benefit that isn't means tested. I'd also report him to HMRC for fraud. CMS may ask you to do that anyway.

Have you spoken with Women’s Aid? The do help in cases where someone is being abused by an ex partner.

Please please please, if he ever does take you to court, PLEASE pm me your real life details and where and when this is happening. I Will come to support you. And I promise to try not to spend the entire hearing laughing myself sick.

"Yes Your Honour, I sent £500 worth of chocolate to my children for Christmas and I expect my ex wife to pay for it".

I'll spring for for the champagne afterwards so we can giggle!

Update: After many months of radio silence I received six new letters from his solicitor now limiting his claim to the car only. Threatening immediate court action unless I either pay £20K or hand over my car immediately as before. Astonishing how this car seemingly goes up in value every year. The deadline to accept the offer expires tomorrow. They announced they would now pursue all his claims individually. This will go on for many years to come. I won’t ever escape from this in my lifetime. I have not told the kids about this.

Sorry he's being like this.
You could report him to the police for harassment. They'll try and tell you it's a civil issue but it's not is it. He's abusive. Insist they deal with it. You could also complain the the Solicitors regulation authority about his solicitor facilitating the harassment and abuse.

Sorry that this abuse continues @Toadcatcher .

I don't think the advice will change, though - you need to ignore (preferably don't open) all of these letters, they are meaningless threats designed to upset you. Unless and until you receive a court summons these are just words on paper.

Are the envelopes recognisable? I would assume they have the solicitor's logo on or are franked in a particular way. Do you have anyone who could keep these for you unopened, or read them and let you know what's in them only if there's something that actually appears to need action?

Ultimately the solution is probably still to move house and ensure he doesn't get your new address ever. But in the meantime, please do speak to Women's Aid and Rights of Women to see what can be done, if a non-mol would be appropriate. And some support for you to help you deal with the abuse, particularly your feelings that you must comply with these letters.

Ultimately the solution is probably still to move house and ensure he doesn't get your new address ever.

This. If I had my time again this is what I’d do. He can’t bring a claim against you if he doesn’t have your address. If you possibly can, make moving a priority. Get advice from women’s aid on moving safely to ensure he doesn’t follow you or find you later on.

The letters and emails are all from the same solicitor. Actually she sent 8 emails and letters in total.

@PissOffBoris it is really easy to find people with a tracing agent. He never had our address but has been able to track us down regardless.

I would be tempted to visit a scrap yard. Find the same make and model. Buy it. Dismantle it. Wrap every part in brown paper.. Deliver to his address recorded delivery...
And get a solicitor to tell him to do one.

There is no way of ensuring he does not get my address. There is simply not.