Adjourned, dismissed or full hearing?

[user1499775533]

I was due to attend the Family court with my exes mother on the 11th of September but unfortunately my grandmother suffered a major stroke on the 5th of September so understandably I didn’t attend as I have more important things on my mind. I emailed the court explaining and giving my grandmothers name and ward number but have heard nothing since! Cafcass did say that any contact with my baby would have to be arranged between my exes mum and myself but they also suggested sticking to the no contact that the police had put in place to prevent her abuse and harassment. My other threads explain it all. I also recieved no safegaurding letter from cafcass prior to the court date. I’m just wondering if the court has thrown it out seen as she’s never seen my baby and in legal terms is no relation. I did email the judge when I first received the papers asking for him to change their mind based on all of the facts so unsure if this has been accepted. Also on the same application for my baby she’d asked for a whole day with my elder Daughter who she sees for 2 hours a month with her son then she asked for a separate contact order with my 1 year old who she has never seen!!! I’m hoping a court can see her games and see the pattern that’s forming and hopefully put an end to it. Any advice would be appreciated.

He’s supporting me by respecting and understanding that the baby is young and vulnerable because if he were to join in with these proceedings with his mother then things would be a lot different. Also, all kids are different too, my elder Daughter was quiet and placid but the baby is very sensitive and I’m 100% sure that she wouldn’t cope with being placed around strangers without me, my ex partner has seen her character too and wouldn’t be able to deal with her when she gets upset.

I remember your last thread and while I am sorry about your grandmother . She was safe and been cared for.

You should have attended court , you clearly don’t like the process but what you think is the rights and wrongs need to be fought in court posting on mn won’t change anything and courts will act in your absence giving her chance to say anything with no right to reply

If she's your ex dp mum then how old is she?? She will probably be dead in a few years anyway from old age so don't worry about it

Very true but during that period I was an emotional wreck, lack of sleep makes it worse and there would of been no way I would of attended. Luckily for me the case didn’t resume and will continue on Monday as the first hearing so I will be there just like I attended the first hearing in 2017. Nobody likes attending court, it’s frightening like walking into the unknown but I have to face it like everyone in my position.

180 posts in this thread and you're responsible for 94 of them. If you put as much energy in to preparing your position statement for the hearing as you have coming on here you'd at least have a comprehensive position statement.

Well at least this shows that I do respond. And after Monday things will be more clearer to me in regard as to what my next steps will need to be. I literally came in here for advice, I thought this is what forums were used for!

Position statement? You stated in your last comment that this is was a permission hearing and not to look at the substantive part of the application yet.

Sorry op but the ex's method of supporting you is very convenient for him isn't it?

No responsibility to see (pay for?) his second, limited visiting with his oldest, and no rocking the boat with his mum by bowing out of stating his views to anyone official.

Your position statement tells the court what your position is in relation to the application for leave, and why. It’s not a witness statement. If you’re not represented it’s too easy to forget to make some of the points you wanted to make. I nearly always do a position statement for my client’s hearings.

Maybe you’re right. I just know I wouldn’t want to face proceedings with him too. As and when he wants to see the kids is the agreement we have. He does work 6 days a week so time is something he doesn’t have.

Well that’s really easy. She has never met my baby and my elder Daughter visits with her dad monthly and midweek. A whole day is out of the question because she’s at nursery and then school next year. If she’s asking for 4 hours then I would say that’s reasonable depending on if my Daughter wants to stay that long because she is in a set bedtime routine too but maybe once a month wouldn’t hurt but in regards to my baby there is no way. The 4 hours will be down to the court to decide but my argument is when my daughters older, will she want to sit there for 4 hours when she has friends and afterchool clubs etc...

It’s the whole order thing I’m totally against. If the father and myself don’t feel it’s something we don’t want for our children then why can’t the mother accept that. I find it extremely controlling. Contact has never been refused, she refused to turn up because she wanted a day in court. I’m very reasonable and have been but now I have to stick to my boundaries so she will see they can’t be broken again.

I am asking for the current consent order to be discharged for my eldest as it doesn’t apply and hasn’t done for 2 years, the other person also admitted to the police that we have had no contact. If this is discharged then there’s no set time on her visit and it can be played by ear as to how my Daughter tolerates it. Also at this point I just feel having orders put on children in such circumstances isn’t right and 100% if one is made we will be back to court again in a year or so. I want it nipping in the bud now.

Collaborate you’re incredibly patient.

Op, one thing that going through the family courts as a grandparent carer taught me is that you really must listen to legal advice even if you do not like it. It is not delivered in a mediatory way, but in blunt legal terms which can be hard to take because it likely contains an unpalatable truth.

If a Judge gives you advice, do please listen to this. The earlier judge in our case told me he would allow a fact finding hearing but added it may make little difference to the overall outcome ie the father would get contact. He was right.

I do understand though why you are burying your head in the sand. I got like this towards the end of a number of years of proceedings and I did not want to engage with anyone and even returned letters to cafcass. However, I never failed to attend a hearing.

I think you just get exhausted with the process and sometimes those involved in the family system come across as matter of fact when you feel highly emotional because these are children we are dealing with. Listen to those offering advice and be fully prepared for Monday's hearing.

Thank you for your advice. And you’re right, it is totally exhausting. I’m willing to engage and take advice but at the same time I have to fight for what I think is right for my children and their right to a ‘normal’ childhood without orders slapped on them. Mother to mother you just wonder how the other person could do this knowing what such small children are like and the way as mothers we protect and nurture. At the same time I do feel relieved that there will be a judge present this time and keep my fingers crossed that the law will be followed through accordingly in respects of my baby. At the last hearing there was no cafcass officer present or a judge. Just 3 lay justices. The one on the right kept smiling and looked quite sympathetic and the lady in the middle looked neutral and then the one on the left looked extremely old and didn’t look at me once.

Can I ask...if the children’s father doesn’t want his mother to have access and doesn’t want orders surrounding the children, why isn’t he going with you to court to fight this?
(If he is and I missed that point, sorry)

There’s 2 ways of looking at that I suppose. That’s his mother, the woman that gave birth to him and of course he wants her to see the kids but he doesn’t believe in the court route and believes our baby is too young. He’s a man of few words if I’m honest but prior to having our first child together we were in a relationship for almost 3 years and he never once introduced me to her. She suddenly came on the scene when she knew I was pregnant then bang went the relationship and our child dragged through the system. He is not close to her and never buys bday cards or Mother’s Day cards etc but neither does his mother, I think it’s defo safe to say that maybe she hasn’t been the greatest mother she could be but she can give it another try with my children with the help of the family court, why not!!!!!!!!

My position would be it's his mother it's up to him to facilitate that not wasting courts time she should be talking to her son

'He doesn't believe the court route'

Unlike Father Christmas and the tooth fairy you can't just stop believing and they go away.

Honestly the pair of you sound useless - burying your heads in the sand and banging on about mothers rights and best place for kids while refusing to engage with cafcass (him) or the courts (you).

I’d imagine the fact your ex is a drug addict probably has something to do with his lack of interest and involvement.

Thank you. Finally someone that has said what I think

I believe he has issues and kids are hard work but luckily my kids live with me and nothing would ever come before them.

I will be engaging tomorrow, just like before.

Good luck today