Adjourned, dismissed or full hearing?

[user1499775533]

I was due to attend the Family court with my exes mother on the 11th of September but unfortunately my grandmother suffered a major stroke on the 5th of September so understandably I didn’t attend as I have more important things on my mind. I emailed the court explaining and giving my grandmothers name and ward number but have heard nothing since! Cafcass did say that any contact with my baby would have to be arranged between my exes mum and myself but they also suggested sticking to the no contact that the police had put in place to prevent her abuse and harassment. My other threads explain it all. I also recieved no safegaurding letter from cafcass prior to the court date. I’m just wondering if the court has thrown it out seen as she’s never seen my baby and in legal terms is no relation. I did email the judge when I first received the papers asking for him to change their mind based on all of the facts so unsure if this has been accepted. Also on the same application for my baby she’d asked for a whole day with my elder Daughter who she sees for 2 hours a month with her son then she asked for a separate contact order with my 1 year old who she has never seen!!! I’m hoping a court can see her games and see the pattern that’s forming and hopefully put an end to it. Any advice would be appreciated.

[user1499775533]

She’s told cafcass twice that I have mental health problems, and throws it around a lot which is extremely humiliating. If she keeps saying that then she might be a step closer to getting my children. I told the police and cafcass this too. Very unfair the system is I think, they can continue controlling and manipulating legally. I’m in a position now where she has seen my elder Daughter for 2 years so getting that stopped would be difficult so rather than a judge make an order I’d rather try and compromise and at least then I can supervise both of my children and just be amicable with the other person.

[user1499775533]

The legal advisor was in tune with all of the legal stuff and took out a big red book of the children’s act reading a short paragraph before the magistrates retired to make a decision. It took them 20 minutes. Honesty I just couldn’t believe that she didn’t put her sweet gran act on yesterday. There is no way the court couldn’t of recognised how controlling she was being, even in there. She’s a woman that has to have her own way and since I’ve started saying no her anger is on another level.

[user1499775533]

Contact was offered with both of my children but she refused, she wanted to go to court. I have refused given permission for my baby but if she wants to stop all of this order and court stuff then I can compromise. I have refused her taking my elder Daughter for a full day, she’s still asking for that, I have refused because she’s at nursery full time but agreed there could be abit longer. I think it’s going to be swings and roundabouts with her because it’s the fight that she enjoys.

[whitershadeofpale]

I'm confused, are you offering contact with your youngest or not? Also, a judge or a magistrate won't make any difference in a case like this, legally it's not complex (although of course it is emotionally).

[user1499775533]

Boundaries and respect are all that’s needed, and I said that today because lack of that has lead to this. Her controlling side was shining through also, she’s usually more careful about doing that around others. After the legal advisor had spoken about the next steps and hearing, she was waving an envelope with the consent order in asking if she can come and collect my daughter because it says that on the order and the legal advisor said to leave the arrangement as it is. He said any further agreements will be drafted out properly as it definitely wasn’t drafted out correctly when we attended in 2017 but there was no cafcass officer present and I had no legal representative to make sure our agreement was properly drafted. The court seemed quite happy with this. She also said she’d tried mediation and the court advisor pulled her up and said it was a MIAM not mediation. She has raised safeguard against me too but it wasn’t read out in court, I suspect it’s the mental problem I have that she likes throwing around, I did tell cafcass she says that a lot. My only problem has been what she does and the impact of her control does effect me massively.

[user1499775533]

Nope. Read back, contact was never refused. She took me to court in 2017 for access at her home. That application was seen today in court too and she was offered contact with both of my children in a neutral place but she refused. I detest the orders, it’s not necessary and never was and I am standing my ground over permission for my baby. I said in court today that I refuse to hand my baby over like she insisted or she’d take me to court, the middle magistrate said nobody’s going to make you do that.

[Collaborate]

It's just a shame it has to be like this especially when contact has never been refused
You’re lying to yourself now. The only reason it’s in court is because you refused contact. FFS you’ve made well over 100 posts on this thread where you’ve hammered that point home.
I’m hiding this thread.

[user1499775533]

I’m wondering now why we are at the crown court but I suspect it’s something to do with cafcass as they only work a particular day at this work and maybe the judges are more legally trained at that court!? Also do magistrate’s have legal training???

[user1499775533]

Now onto the next bit. It definitely wasn't as bad as I thought and I really held my own in the courtroom in a respectful and confident way and I feel proud of myself. It's just a shame it has to be like this especially when contact has never been refused, but now I have to lay my boundaries down in the legal way to avoid this happening again to my children.

[user1499775533]

So permission went through as I suspected and we are due in the crown court in 1 month. The legal advisor had to tell her 3 times not to shout or speak when spoken to. I found him to be very friendly but again no judge or cafcass. The other person thought we were attending today for court orders and he explained that it was a hearing for permission and even if the court gave permission then there's no guarantee it would lead to an order. I feel relieved this part is over and glad that the court weren't harsh. And the legal advisor said my e-mail I sent for not attending court on the 11th had been accepted and was fine.

[MintyMabel]

I will be holding power of attorney

Strange position given your reluctance to contact the court when you are afraid of what the answer will be.

[whitershadeofpale]

I hope things go well today it's an unenviable position.

[Apolloanddaphne]

I hope things become a bit clearer today. Good luck.

[Clangus00]

Good luck today

[user1499775533]

I will be engaging tomorrow, just like before.

[user1499775533]

I believe he has issues and kids are hard work but luckily my kids live with me and nothing would ever come before them.

[user1499775533]

Thank you. Finally someone that has said what I think

[whitershadeofpale]

I’d imagine the fact your ex is a drug addict probably has something to do with his lack of interest and involvement.

[SouthWestmom]

'He doesn't believe the court route'

Unlike Father Christmas and the tooth fairy you can't just stop believing and they go away.

Honestly the pair of you sound useless - burying your heads in the sand and banging on about mothers rights and best place for kids while refusing to engage with cafcass (him) or the courts (you).

[slipperywhensparticus]

My position would be it's his mother it's up to him to facilitate that not wasting courts time she should be talking to her son

[user1499775533]

There’s 2 ways of looking at that I suppose. That’s his mother, the woman that gave birth to him and of course he wants her to see the kids but he doesn’t believe in the court route and believes our baby is too young. He’s a man of few words if I’m honest but prior to having our first child together we were in a relationship for almost 3 years and he never once introduced me to her. She suddenly came on the scene when she knew I was pregnant then bang went the relationship and our child dragged through the system. He is not close to her and never buys bday cards or Mother’s Day cards etc but neither does his mother, I think it’s defo safe to say that maybe she hasn’t been the greatest mother she could be but she can give it another try with my children with the help of the family court, why not!!!!!!!!

[Clangus00]

Can I ask...if the children’s father doesn’t want his mother to have access and doesn’t want orders surrounding the children, why isn’t he going with you to court to fight this?
(If he is and I missed that point, sorry)

[user1499775533]

Thank you for your advice. And you’re right, it is totally exhausting. I’m willing to engage and take advice but at the same time I have to fight for what I think is right for my children and their right to a ‘normal’ childhood without orders slapped on them. Mother to mother you just wonder how the other person could do this knowing what such small children are like and the way as mothers we protect and nurture. At the same time I do feel relieved that there will be a judge present this time and keep my fingers crossed that the law will be followed through accordingly in respects of my baby. At the last hearing there was no cafcass officer present or a judge. Just 3 lay justices. The one on the right kept smiling and looked quite sympathetic and the lady in the middle looked neutral and then the one on the left looked extremely old and didn’t look at me once.

[ElsieMc]

Op, one thing that going through the family courts as a grandparent carer taught me is that you really must listen to legal advice even if you do not like it. It is not delivered in a mediatory way, but in blunt legal terms which can be hard to take because it likely contains an unpalatable truth.

If a Judge gives you advice, do please listen to this. The earlier judge in our case told me he would allow a fact finding hearing but added it may make little difference to the overall outcome ie the father would get contact. He was right.

I do understand though why you are burying your head in the sand. I got like this towards the end of a number of years of proceedings and I did not want to engage with anyone and even returned letters to cafcass. However, I never failed to attend a hearing.

I think you just get exhausted with the process and sometimes those involved in the family system come across as matter of fact when you feel highly emotional because these are children we are dealing with. Listen to those offering advice and be fully prepared for Monday's hearing.

[Funghi]

Collaborate you’re incredibly patient.