Adjourned, dismissed or full hearing?

[user1499775533]

I was due to attend the Family court with my exes mother on the 11th of September but unfortunately my grandmother suffered a major stroke on the 5th of September so understandably I didn’t attend as I have more important things on my mind. I emailed the court explaining and giving my grandmothers name and ward number but have heard nothing since! Cafcass did say that any contact with my baby would have to be arranged between my exes mum and myself but they also suggested sticking to the no contact that the police had put in place to prevent her abuse and harassment. My other threads explain it all. I also recieved no safegaurding letter from cafcass prior to the court date. I’m just wondering if the court has thrown it out seen as she’s never seen my baby and in legal terms is no relation. I did email the judge when I first received the papers asking for him to change their mind based on all of the facts so unsure if this has been accepted. Also on the same application for my baby she’d asked for a whole day with my elder Daughter who she sees for 2 hours a month with her son then she asked for a separate contact order with my 1 year old who she has never seen!!! I’m hoping a court can see her games and see the pattern that’s forming and hopefully put an end to it. Any advice would be appreciated.

It is not true that at a first hearing 'you don't say anything'. I attended court with my husband for over a decade because his ex wife refused to comply with court orders.
At a first hearing you have opportunity to speak to court representatives and CAFCASS officers to voice your concerns.
Also this wasn't a hearing for contact. It was a hearing to see if she could make an APPLICATION for contact. You not turning up allowed her to have HER say but didn't allow you to have yours.

The grandmother had a stroke line of defence - sorry to be harsh but this won't wash with the court as valid. If grandmother had had a stroke that day, then probably, yes - a reasonable excuse. She could have been alone at home and needed your assistance to get an ambulance/into hospital. However you said it was 5 days later, she sounds from your description quite disabled by her stroke (which is of course awful for her and her family) but after 5 days she was either in hospital, ring cared for - thus giving you time to attend court, or sufficiently recovered not to be in hospital. - again , if deemed ok to go home and live alone, you could also attend court. I suspect it is the former and whilst we like to stay by a relatives bedside - it is not essential to their safety . This you would be expected to attend.

Please speak to the court and see if she was granted leave to apply. It can only benefit you. If she hasn't then you can relax . If she has, then you need to prepare you defence as to why her contact will be inappropriate.

What you don't want is to have an application date served on you when you haven't prepared for it. You need to show the court the story of this woman's behaviour.. it won't just go away. It will get worse if you don't get on the front foot with this. !

The amount of time and energy you ave spent posting could easily have been better spent resolving the query by call or email to court. If it was dismissed you then know and can move on.

Do you want to send the number to me and I’ll phone for you?
This is ridiculous, a 10 second phone call would solve this.

Far from that comment. My kids are first always but as their mother my emotional well-being does effect them too.

Whatever the outcome it’s clear that no ones in a rush to be setting out another court date.

True. But I would rather post on here to get other people’s views and reassuring to read other threads of people in a similar position

I wrote a letter and filled out a c100 form prior to court explaining my reasons for asking for the court to reconsider there even be a hearing. Cafcass have all safegaurding info aswell as the police information. From this point onwards I believe my children are at risk of emotional abuse so there will be no orders. I feel that at some point in the future it will fall on a contact centre for her with my elder Daughter, never mind 4 hours or a full day unsupervised. At this moment in time the only person that has broken the law is her with her behaviour towards me. Some part of me actually feels sorry for her because she sees her behaviour as normal and thinks it’s perfrctly acceptable. I’m just done with the games and don’t want to have to think or speak about her or this again.

Not sure if you’re being serious here but your comment did make me smile. Thanks

If I’m honest l just find the whole thing ridiculous. Are people allowed to do this that are not the other parent? I have never refused her contact, she put in her first application to have a visit at her home and it clearly says that on her first application and states contact was good. I’m sure this paperwork would of got released to the court too (you’d think so) It’s like child’s play but I cannot play along anymore because I have a life.

If I’m honest l just find the whole thing ridiculous. Are people allowed to do this that are not the other parent?

You may think it ridiculous but that does not excuse you not engaging with the legal process. Surely your solicitor can explain the rights or not. It will not just go away by you ignoring this.

You filled in a C100 form? Why on Earth did you do that? You're not applying for a s8 order. The grandmother is doing that.

Accept the reality that you haven't got a clue what you're doing, and you need to pay for some advice, as you're clearly not listening to any of it on here.

I wrote a letter to the judge asking for the court to reconsider their decision on there even being an order and I received an email from the court asking me to print and fill out a c100 form putting my letter into that so a judge would see it sooner.

Basically joining as a party asking the court to discharge the current consent order due to my ex being the one that our Daughter visits with and also the main facts regarding all of this. I did that and paid £50. The lady I spoke to was quite insistent that a judge needed to see it before court, so who knows.

I had an hours consultation with a solicitor which cost enough only to be told the same thing as the first one told me. No means no and that I need to ask for the consent order to be discharged for my elder Daughter. I’m not wasting anymore money or time on this. It’s literally like a comedy act. I just can’t believe they can keep doing this and it’s okay, but I suppose she’s paying that £215 to the courts every time and money talks!!!! 🐵🙈🙉

Why on earth have you filed a C100 ? A C100 is an application for contact or residency ! Who are you asking to have contact with??? You already LIVE with your children.

It seems clear you don't have a clue what is going on..

As for "From this point onwards I believe my children are at risk of emotional abuse so there will be no orders"

That is just wishful thinking and has absolutely no logic to it.

The system works like this.
Anyone can ask for permission of the court to apply for contact for a child. It can literally be your next door neighbour. ..

The child's guardian and the applicant go to court. The applicant explains why they believe they should be able to apply. .. (in this case , the grandmother has contact with one gc but not the other, she will say that it is not fair or in the interests of the child for her sister to know GM but not the other sibling. That she has had contact for sometime and presents no welfare threat. That in the child's best interest, she should be able to develop a relationship with the GM.... all very plausible.

Then YOU tell the court why this is a terrible idea. Your history with her. Police involvement etc.. your fears of emotions abuse.

Then a decision is made. Only YOU didn't bother turning up. So there is a VERY high chance she was allowed to apply. The application for leave would only have been granted 4 weeks ago, at the very earliest. I don't think they have to notify you at this stage.

However if she DID succeed expect a C100 completed by her to be heading your way very soon.

This is the reality. Do you really want to live with that very serious possibility hanging over your head. If she is a game player than she may not even apply straight away... may wait , just to cause you extra anxiety.

The ONLY way to remove her power from her is to get your act together and KNOW where you stand. Take away any possibilities for her to spring a 'surprise' on you when you least expect it.

From this point onwards I believe my children are at risk of emotional abuse so there will be no orders

Oh my word.
It doesn’t matter what you “believe”. You’re not even engaging with the court to explain your concerns, how on Earth are they going to know? They don’t hear you by osmosis.

You badly need proper legal advice from a family law specialist. And you need to listen to it.

The court asked me to fill in a c100 form so the judge could see it prior to the hearing otherwise he wouldn’t see my letter until the day.

Engaging with what hun?? I’ve received nothing to engage with. I’ve done everything I was asked to do by the court and unfortunately I couldn’t make the first hearing but i didn’t not just turn up. I wrote an email to the court explaining that I wouldn’t be attended like the court had adviced me to when I called them.

I would think that whatever happened in the court that day that they would have to inform me of what was decided, seen as I’m the mother to my child!! 4 weeks ago is a long time for saying she put her application in on the 26th of June and I’d recieved court papers on the 28th. And more to the point like I told cafcass, orders are from r parents etc that are denied access, this wasn’t the case. And you’re 100% right about her springing a surprise on me, she likes that. She ensured those papers would get to me on the day of my babies 1st birthday to ensure she ruined our day. What a lovely woman!!

Maybe it’s different with the other parent in court but my experience was completely different. There was no cafcass officer present and there were 3 magistrates (or lay justices) a court adviser, the grandparent and myself. No judge present and the lady in the middle was just reading and then asked the other lady on the right if she agreed for permission and she nodded but prior to going to that hearing my ex and myself had agreed that he would take our daughter to the house once a month so we were going to court to agree that. Realistically it could of been dealt with outside of court but the mother was insistent on going and I believe always was from the first the time she saw that her son was happy and in a family of his own, she’d set out to destruct that as maybe she felt her control was gone. Same problems with her other son and his girlfriend too. It’s just really unfair that we have to keep going through this.

The reason she went was to get it written in an order . An order is not something you can ignore, without being in contempt of the court that made the order !!

Just ring the bloody court and find out where you stand !!!
*
Do you not understand that we are on your side ?? Yes, she is a player just as you said , but without knowing the rules of her game and how far she has succeeded , you are on the back foot. !

Call the court and find out the answer then comeback here and get advice on how to proceed .*

At some point I will, when I’m mentally prepared to deal with it. I have 100% engaged with the court and cafcass and done everything I was asked to do. I responded straight away to the initial letter about there even being a hearing as it said I could ask the court to change their minds on them making a hearing date without there being a hearing if that makes sense. I sent that letter off the next day recorded delivery to the court, then the court contacted me saying I should print and fill in a c100 form explaining my reasons for not wanting this to continue which are all facts and not reasons, I did that too and when my grandmother fell ill I contacted the court the next day and informed them, they told me to email the court explaining and letting the other party know, so I told my ex who let his mother know. I’ve done everything above board but I’m just tired of feeling like this now. Just the mention of it makes me feel anxious and sick. I’ve lived with this for 3 years now. None stop letters through the door, emails, shouting & swearing when she’s got the opportunity to. You literally come off the phone feeling like you’ve been punched in the face. In the beginning when she started I admit I have as good as I got but overtime i have become a much weaker person, worry too much and I’m always double doubting even when I’ve already been told something. The fear is real that these kind of people can go to court and get access to your children then the more you give them, they’ll go back to court again and again until they’re the same as father.

My reasons for not allowing her to see my baby are that she would take me to court for her too to get an order. An order to her is just another form of control, a judge has ordered this so you will do as I say. I find it controlling and awful that an adult would want to have these kind of things on children, children should be free to children. I can understand why some parents would need them in messy divorces when the children get used as weapons etc, but this kind of thing makes a mockery of the whole process. My ex used to take our first Daughter to his mothers, but after a while the novelty wore off and his mother is hard to be around. She reached out to me with mediation, we weren’t taking because of the racial and rude comments she made but I decided I should be the bigger person. She said she wanted consistent monthly contact so I agreed she could come to my house, that lasted 8 months then she started the ignorant game. Not replying to messages or calls then the mediation letter, then the court letter! Then me and my ex broke up as the pressure of it all was too much. My ex has never been the same with his mother since because he knows there was no reason to do what she did and it was unfair to do that to her own son and grandchild. I always had a niggly feeling when I met her, I found her far too pushy and bad mannered. And my feeling wasn’t wrong. 2 years ago I was reacting to everything and was literally a bag of nerves, calling cafcass and the courts constantly needing reassurance and worrying about going to court, but now for my own sanity I have to take a step back.

There is nothing that anyone can do or say that will make this go away until you get on the phone and deal with it. !

You have every excuse under the sun not to make a simple phone call yet refuse to do it . Why can't you get your head around the fact that knowing the outcome is your power. ?

To 'not know' is literally the dictionary definition of ignorance.

You’re 100% right. I think it’s more mentally I just can’t deal with this at the moment. I’m loosing my grandmother and if she succeeds in her application it’s another step closer to loosing my children as she’ll continue to do this until she’s gained full power. If I call the court and it’s not what I want to hear I’ll drive myself crazy over thinking, waiting for letters, wondering when the next court date will be etc. I’m not much better at the moment, but I’m literally telling myself no news is good news. If and when the big day comes I’ll have to deal with it but right now I’d rather not know. It just makes you feel like woman to woman, how can you keep doing this and feel nothing.