Child maintenance System has no regard for the fathers family

[Lsimms97]

I’m absolutely in shock at how many posts I am reading from women slating their children’s fathers who are refusing to pay maintenance through CMS. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him. I understand that sometimes there are deadbeat fathers and CMS is the only option, but for loving fathers who actually see their children, please do not use CMS! My husband’s ex, who has a drug problem, is unemployed and takes up drug habits whilst my stepchild is at school all day, has decided that after years of a family based arrangement, that she would like to put in a CMS claim, in which she has lied about the existence of my children and the amount of nights we looks after my step child for. CMS are being extremely difficult about this and forcing us to go through tribunal courts to resolve the incorrect information whilst at the same time they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent. The result is that we are now left struggling to feed and clothe two toddlers. I love my stepchild and would never see them go without, we are a huge part in their life and have never refused to pay for school uniforms, lunch money, top ups, holidays etc, clothes, haircuts...anything which is needed! But the reality is my stepchild is walking around in a pair of £200 trainers, has all of the latest gadgets etc and we have nothing left for our children. His ex has even sent us a picture of a takeaway and said ‘cheers’ because she is getting so much money and it does not take that much money to raise one child. Do you not also think that as mothers, you should also contribute to the child’s upbringing? CMS payments mean that fathers pay for everything even though it takes two to tango. My poor husband has Had his life ruined by this woman constantly using the child as a weapon and now she’s found a new way to get to him. The sad reality is he is going to have to quit his job or we lose our home. I also work part time by the way, but we cannot cover the unrealistic payments and still support our children. CMS do not care about this, I have cried down the phone to them and they literally couldn’t care less.so please women, if you have any respect for your ex, please seek a family based arrangement. So many men have committed suicide over this, and been left in poverty. It isn’t fair. The CMS are awful!

missed the boat again have to point out that you are wrong about the 12% of gross calc.

Suggest you look at following link:

www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

It gives the 12% of Gross Earning after deducting any pension contributions for one child. 16% for two and 19% for three or more. Adjustments are made for time spent with NRP and whether or not they have other children to look after.

Self Employed is a different game I agree and seems to let NRP's off big time.

Here's a radical suggestion @MissedTheBoatAgain why don't you take care of your child? Get a job in the UK and get 50-50 custody

Suggested that to ex and she said that would reduce her maintenance!

Third post!! Sorry for repeat posting, but hang on! You have DC in the UK and moved abroad and then have the gall to control how your ex brings up the DC by fluctuating cm according to 'activites' she takes the DC too. Did you control her like this when you were together?!

Worked overseas all my life. Ex knew that long before married. CM she receives is calculated by CMS. As Legal have posted on other threads CMS calculation is what NRP's must pay. No obligation to pay more than CMS.

There are very broads bands of salary within which a payment amount is set

If you are referring to the plus or minus 25% change in income before CM is altered I would agree that it is too high and can penalize both parents. For example someone on £100K per year could earn up to £124,999, but still pay the same CM. Likewise someone who was assessed on £100K, but later loses job and finds another job that pays £75,001 would end paying same CM as though they were still earning £100K.

You know what, you deserve to be living on nothing. Not that you indeed are.

You clearly have no love or respect towards your step child. Poor kid.
Your DP has 3 children, 50% of his income should be split between each household if you ask me. Might stop a few **heads producing multiple kids they can’t afford!
If he had been paying the minimum CMS set amount in the first place then maybe you’d both have realised the true cost of children.

As for the drugs, if there was any truth in it either you or social services would have done something about it by now. Seems to me you’ve only got an issue with it now, when your real issue is money... yet haven’t had in the past or at least not enough of an issue to get your step child out of that environment- oh but maybe that would impeach on your lovely little nuclear set up too much.

I can actually see where it can fail and is in this case.

If a maintenance payment is based on a child living with RP 26/30 days then it takes into consideration that during those 26 days they need feeding, warmth, housing etc.

If child is actually with NRP 15/30 and RP 15/30 then the CM is effectively being paid twice for 11/30 days. The CM is paid for RP to feed, warm and house whilst the NRP is meeting these costs.

I'm totally for NRP paying a fair amount (I've received nothing for 12 years for DS!) but I do think there has to be equal expectation of both parents to provide the same way there would be if the cohabited. (And I don't just mean financially but rather an overall equality)

To youarenotkiddingme

How is it possible you have received nothing in 12 years? Has your ex vanished or is he unemployed or Self Employed and declaring he makes no profit?

I am trying to get custody and nominate my parents as guardians. Ex wife has objected because she knows she will lose Sounds like you're not in England or Wales then. Either that or you have your terminology wrong.

Under CMS high earners pay more than the old CSA system as CM is now calculated on gross income as opposed to net income. they pay roughly the same as before, because on the transition to a gross income calculation the percentages were lowered so as to have a neutral effect.

As an example someone earning £100K would pay 12% of gross for one child which is £12K per year under CMS. CSA was 15% of net income. £100K gives a net income of £66K. 15% of £66K is £9,900. That is £2,100 less than the CMS calculation. Your figures are all wrong. Under the current system the maximum maintenance would be £10,244. It's not a linear 12%. You need to use the online calculator to get the right figure.

missedtheboat - are you trying to gain custody because she is a bad parent and you are worried about your children because honestly why are you not there fighting for them - I suspect it because you have always worked abroad and you dont want your life to change

You are so angry - angry at all women - why exactly - unless I have missed something your ex wife did

So its not a straight 12%, due to pensions like I said,and his own additional contributions which he can then take out himself again, its avoidance, exactly the same as tax avoidance missed the boat please don't patronise me about 'suggesting' I check things out.. I am living it.
Also, you quote me on the controlling behaviour of yours,but you do not then take responsibility for that. The money is not 'conditional' but you think it is that you can exert financial control abuse to ensure YOUR money is spent as you wish, so she has to do what you dictate in terms of DC activities and weekly life, which she is the one supporting!

I do not understand what your point is inbhaving DC if this is what you do.
I actively want to be around my babies, and I'm afraid I don't understand why anyone chooses to have DC and not be in their lives, but that's just me.

I don't get the quote you used from your XP about her saying then she'd get less, the point is, did you actually want to do that and why then didn't you, but instead did as she said?! don't think so, think you used it as a threat to financially abuse her knowing she would be scared at not coping without CM. Cos you wouldn't really do that so that's just cruel

To Collaborate

Your correct I am not in England or Wales. I am UK citizen by birth, but resident outside UK due to working in other countries.

Correct about 12% not being linear on the gross earnings. Apologies also to sugarcoatedthorns.

To Quartz2208

I could not add up the number of applications I have made for a job in UK. Had one interview in last 16 years. Even the recruiting agents have said that I will struggle as UK employers will never be able to match the expatriate packages I can achieve overseas.

If what child says is correct then I would say his mother is a bad parent. Never takes him to his hobbies even though I was prepared to pay directly. Never asks about his school. Never taken him on holiday since the divorce was finalised even though I am prepared to pay his costs.

Grandparents are prepared to look after him and happy to take him to all his hobbies like they did before divorce. Wife objects as she knows she will lose £1,015 per month in child benefit, child tax credits and child maintenance.

Not all marriages work out, but children should not be disadvantaged.

A father should be supporting his child. Doesn't matter if he now has a new partner and step-child.
I cant comment on the drug abuse if there is no worthy evidence. There is a whole lot of emotion in what you have written. In my line of work, I have witnessed many women automatically hate the ex or the new partner when it comes to romantic relationships that any smear campaign to inconvenience the other will do. I hope that is not the case here. In most cases, the biological mother truly has the best interest of her child in mind. If she is a good mother to her child and her child wants her in his life, please do not get involved.

She is perfect ly capable of making her own decisions, again you justbaeem to want to control her life around your need to assert what your DC should be doing. You are obsessed with these 'hobbies' and her handing over care to tour DPs and if she doesn't then its wrong.

According to your life rules I should have handed my dc over to ss as I can't support their hobbies and certainly would never hand them over to GPs to mess up even more!
So why did you threaten her, and no, UK might not offer ex-pat packages!!! Bloody hell we see what's important to you.

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This is a joke right?
Ex was paying £30 odd per week for 2 dc.
He moved in with his new dp and her 2 dc so this was reduced (despite the fact she is, presumably, getting CM from their dad). He then quit his job as she was pregnant and 'couldn't cope' when he was at work. so my CM was reduced to £7 per week.
They've since fiddled their benefit claims so he is the registered carer which means CMS can't touch his income and I get sweet FA.
They've recently had their 3rd child together, have 2 cars and a motorbike and have been away 4 times this year (haven caravan not abroad). Our joint DC weren't invited though because it was a 'family holiday'

Meanwhile DP and I have had to get rid of the car because we can't afford it. Have had to come to the decision we won't have another child any time soon if ever because we can't afford it and have had 1 weekend away in the tent this year that his mum paid for.

Oh and he also refuses to provide ds1 with vegetarian food as they can't afford it and 'real men' eat meat. It's one of the reasons ds1 no longer visits him.

So please explain how I'm forcing his family into poverty?

This highlights again how wrong it is that financial responsibility for his DC is not prioritised over consequent DC or step DC.

...yet there are still more arriving!

[virtual knees up for you] newt

Thanks sugar

I count my blessings everyday that when dp and I discussed finances when he moved in (I lost the wtc, ctc and small amount of hb I was getting) he said "fab. So we split the bills 50/50" even though I suggested 75/25. And if the dc need anything and he's got money in the bank and I haven't he pays it no questions asked.

Aw...that's so cool after your previous experiences. A decent one it seems! I have heard about them in fairytales

Missed he lives abroad and csa have no ability to chase parents out of the U.K.

Drug addict mum... and the kid sounds spoilt with £200 trainers and all the latest gadgets. Doesn’t add up hun.

I use cms purely on the basis my childs father - works and still doesn’t provide - he leaves his jobs after they catch up with him doing DEO. Over £4K of arrears. Personally what he provided when he did, was pocket money to my child. I’ve gave up with cms I don’t see the point in even wasting my breath on them.

Everything my child gets comes from me and it’s a hell of a lot more money that 12% he was providing.

Missed he lives abroad and csa have no ability to chase parents out of the U.K.

Do you know where he lives? Maybe the Country he lives in has a REMO agreement with the UK? Have not heard much about REMO on MN, but maybe worth researching?

Missed o have researched REMO but don't 100% know where he lives. Think he's in Spain now (which does have an agreement).

But we don't have a child maintenance agreement made through courts that can be forced through REMO. It was a private arrangement.

It was a private arrangement

This does not help. Suggest you contact CMS and explain the circumstances. They may be able to advise how to deal with REMO. However, if you are not certain where your ex lives that makes things difficult.

Have you tried looking him up on Facebook, LinkedIn, google, etc.? Might be lucky and get some leads.

Good luck.

UK might not offer ex-pat packages!!! Bloody hell we see what's important to you.

Was offered a Job in Tesco stacking shelves for 16 hours per week on minimum wage. Wife said no as would be enough to live on (she was not working at the time). Convinced me that I was not a Husband, but an ATM. Hence I divorced her.

Could be entirely coincidence, but as soon as I filed for Divorce she found a job!.