Child maintenance System has no regard for the fathers family

[Lsimms97]

I’m absolutely in shock at how many posts I am reading from women slating their children’s fathers who are refusing to pay maintenance through CMS. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him. I understand that sometimes there are deadbeat fathers and CMS is the only option, but for loving fathers who actually see their children, please do not use CMS! My husband’s ex, who has a drug problem, is unemployed and takes up drug habits whilst my stepchild is at school all day, has decided that after years of a family based arrangement, that she would like to put in a CMS claim, in which she has lied about the existence of my children and the amount of nights we looks after my step child for. CMS are being extremely difficult about this and forcing us to go through tribunal courts to resolve the incorrect information whilst at the same time they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent. The result is that we are now left struggling to feed and clothe two toddlers. I love my stepchild and would never see them go without, we are a huge part in their life and have never refused to pay for school uniforms, lunch money, top ups, holidays etc, clothes, haircuts...anything which is needed! But the reality is my stepchild is walking around in a pair of £200 trainers, has all of the latest gadgets etc and we have nothing left for our children. His ex has even sent us a picture of a takeaway and said ‘cheers’ because she is getting so much money and it does not take that much money to raise one child. Do you not also think that as mothers, you should also contribute to the child’s upbringing? CMS payments mean that fathers pay for everything even though it takes two to tango. My poor husband has Had his life ruined by this woman constantly using the child as a weapon and now she’s found a new way to get to him. The sad reality is he is going to have to quit his job or we lose our home. I also work part time by the way, but we cannot cover the unrealistic payments and still support our children. CMS do not care about this, I have cried down the phone to them and they literally couldn’t care less.so please women, if you have any respect for your ex, please seek a family based arrangement. So many men have committed suicide over this, and been left in poverty. It isn’t fair. The CMS are awful!

They don’t have flamethrower emojis......or do they?

Sorry, but this is utter bullshit. Your husband pays around 15% of his net income as child maintenance, if not less. CMS cannot be taking so much that they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent unless your rent amounts to 85% of your husband's income plus all of your own income. Even if they are taking 30% of his income (which, incidentally, would be because arrears have been allowed to accrue) you'd still have 70% of his income going on housing costs, which would be the real reason why you're in financial trouble.

So OP, just exactly how much is your H paying towards his child?. ... a pittance I imagine. And if you really believe that you'd never go to the cms in order to receive payments (to which your child would be entitled) then you are seriously deluding yourself.

These posts make me so cross - not at the OP, at everyone else.

Do any of you know how hard it is having a DP who pays maintenance that leave us struggling?? When we both work full time and she can't be arsed to get a job?

Oh and she also has a new partner who brings money into their house.

We are struggling - they are not.

You have no clue and can't judge OP or me if you have not walked in our shoes.

OP don't dare come on here lecturing mums, if they were a decent DD to begin with no one would need to go to CMS

socks, if your DP paying towards the upkeep of his child means you are struggling then you have to adjust your spending accordingly, much like many RPs have to. The vast majority of people with DC have less money because they have to pay for DCs stuff - yet some NRPs and their new partners would like to count the child's living costs as a "nice to pay for if we can afford it". I think that's a very odd attitude for any parent to take towards their own child tbh.

Do any of you know how hard it is having a DP who pays maintenance that leave us struggling?? Most of us with more than one child know how hard it is to provide for the next child - because the expense of the first child doesn't magically go away. Lots of people struggle to provide for their children. In the OP's case it is beyond me how he is ok with his child living in those circumstances if true. It may well be that the OP is the one case where the CMS is treating the father unfairly but come on - we all know it is far more likely that a woman is being left without any significant support at all rather than cms marauding through innocent men's paychecks robbing them of the ability to support the later children they chose to have.

I’m ‘so cross’ that a woman is telling other women that they’re money-grabbing, lazy and selfish for expecting the fathers of their children to pay the legal minimum towards those children’s upbringing. Maybe she should be ‘so cross’ with her husband for not getting his financial affairs in order, or ‘so cross’ with the CMS for messing up their case. But taking it out on women who work their arses off to give their children a decent standard of living while those children’s fathers withhold the legally required minimum contribution? Fuck right off.

So the money matters more than a child being brought up by a drug addict? And you'd accept whatever amount he chose to pay- as opposed to the amount stipulated for a child to have a decent standard of living with the resident parent. I understand why you are bitter- but you plan of playing the system too, so kind of takes away the superiority you think you have. If he doesn't need to pay, the. There will be a judgment made and money ordered back. Even if she's claiming to have the child 100% she still can only claim a certain portion of your husbands wage. In the i Teton dan you increase your hours?

Socks, so it's all about how the nrp and his new family are 'struggling' is it? .. WTAF?. Have you ever considered how single parents struggle financially, because they have to deal with dead beat dad's?(and interfering second wives/girlfriends who can't stand the fact that their partners should contribute towards their own dc's)

In my case - Ultimately if they were still together they would have less money if he had less money. Now, if he earns less one month, she has the same money - we have less money. How is that fair?

I can't be bothered to read the rest of the first few sentences.. Ffs what a load of shit. Do you know what it is like having a deadbeat dad not pay anything?? Not even the legal requirement! Any dad that actually pays/provides for his child is the minimum not whatever cms guidelines are. Twat.

She is not struggling - trust me.

My point is that it is not one fits all answer like you all state. Yes there are dead beat dads but also there are situations like mine.

@socksortights maybe your DH should look at moving to a job with a stable monthly income, to ensure financial stability for his family, as his current income doesn’t seem to do this? Rather than blaming the mother of his child for using a service that is designed to ensure financial stability for their child?

So, if everything you have goes to the ex, this means you're not working? Take your own advice, provide for your own kids and don't expect him to do it.

It says a lot about the kind of woman (like the OP and socks) who post on here making spiteful comments about their H's ex's.

Now, if he earns less one month, she has the same money - we have less money. How is that fair?
Not sure if you’re aware but children don’t eat less on months that your dp earns less. That is why she gets the same money- because the child costs the same to support

And I bet she has the same money if he earns more one month.

This is one of them threads I hate to read as a mother.
I use the cms - but because my ex sees my dd shouldn't use them.

My ex emotionally, physically and financially abused me and continues to do so. If I didn't use the cms I would not receive any money from him. He is currently paying me back £2,000 in arrears because he uses the cms as a way to get to me
He stopped paying when I went on holiday.
He stopped paying when I got a boyfriend
stopped paying when he got a partner and wanted to support her 4 kids.

Yet I'm the one in the wrong for using the cms. Yeah makes sense - because his 12% gives me a life of luxury not for the basic needs of dd clearly

If he was paying the correct level of support then she wouldn't have needed to put in a claim. I don't know why you were crying down the phone to them as it's not your claim. You just made yourself look like a fool. If mum is so bad then why not go for custody? Instead, the child is sent to an addict. Nice, caring father of the year right there. The crappy bit of cash doesn't pay for everything so stop spouting that shite. mediation - I have refused to show up when others have wanted to sit in the room. I won't be bullied by the father and his partner so I don't blame her for not showing up, the percentage taken isn't all his wages, don't talk shite.

My dad suddenly stopped paying maintenance after re-marrying when I was 5. My mum was working full time with two children and no support from him (financial or time wise) and she nearly lost the house. I’m sorry that you think she should have not gone through the courts out of “respect” for him. As it happens, the courts stated that he owed nothing to my upbringing as he quit work. STOP USING YOUR SITUATION TO GENERALISE .

My ex spends nothing on child. Reason I know that is that Child tells me so. Ex is threatening to take me to court on basis I don't see him enough, but at same time has told CMS that child has zero nights with me. Basically wants maximum maintenance, but least responsibility.

Missedtheboatagain, you seem very detached from your child, describing him as just 'child' and not 'my child'. How ridiculous of you to say that your ex spends nothing on him?... who pays for the roof over his head? his electricity/gas/water/food/clothes etc etc?

@MissedTheBoatAgain how does your ex spend nothing on your child if he/she is resident with her? No rent/mortgage? No water bills? Heating bills? Council tax? Clothes? Food?

Don't talk such rot.

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