Child maintenance System has no regard for the fathers family

[Lsimms97]

I’m absolutely in shock at how many posts I am reading from women slating their children’s fathers who are refusing to pay maintenance through CMS. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him. I understand that sometimes there are deadbeat fathers and CMS is the only option, but for loving fathers who actually see their children, please do not use CMS! My husband’s ex, who has a drug problem, is unemployed and takes up drug habits whilst my stepchild is at school all day, has decided that after years of a family based arrangement, that she would like to put in a CMS claim, in which she has lied about the existence of my children and the amount of nights we looks after my step child for. CMS are being extremely difficult about this and forcing us to go through tribunal courts to resolve the incorrect information whilst at the same time they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent. The result is that we are now left struggling to feed and clothe two toddlers. I love my stepchild and would never see them go without, we are a huge part in their life and have never refused to pay for school uniforms, lunch money, top ups, holidays etc, clothes, haircuts...anything which is needed! But the reality is my stepchild is walking around in a pair of £200 trainers, has all of the latest gadgets etc and we have nothing left for our children. His ex has even sent us a picture of a takeaway and said ‘cheers’ because she is getting so much money and it does not take that much money to raise one child. Do you not also think that as mothers, you should also contribute to the child’s upbringing? CMS payments mean that fathers pay for everything even though it takes two to tango. My poor husband has Had his life ruined by this woman constantly using the child as a weapon and now she’s found a new way to get to him. The sad reality is he is going to have to quit his job or we lose our home. I also work part time by the way, but we cannot cover the unrealistic payments and still support our children. CMS do not care about this, I have cried down the phone to them and they literally couldn’t care less.so please women, if you have any respect for your ex, please seek a family based arrangement. So many men have committed suicide over this, and been left in poverty. It isn’t fair. The CMS are awful!

What a load of fucking drivel one sometimes reads online. You have to wonder why people bother to type it out.

What’s awful is fathers walking away from their kids and not supporting them.

I’m not sure him leaving his job will keep you in a home, if he’s found to have made himself intentionally jobless. As for the rest of it, if she’s such an awful & unfit mother, why have you never gone for custody?

Sorry but I disagree, the rate for 1 child is far from excessive and barely covers the costs of a child.You have underpaid for years and now you have to pay the basic rate.Your partner gets to keep 90% of his salary so not sure why you feel it isn't fair.

Your priority needs to be gaining custody surely? Long before now.

Nrps who pay no maintenance or who less than they should tend to outnumber those who pay properly.

Hold on! Your DH lets his child go home to a drug abusing mother?!!! Wtf?!

It sounds like the best thing would be for athe child to live with you.

Cms payments do not mean that the father pays for everything as far as I am aware. Being 20% of the fathers salary usually (if multiple children). And taking into account food/clothing/utilities/school trips.

Your situation sounds difficult but you are presumptuous and ignorant if you think you can post here telling all women that getting a formal and regular maintenance payment in place rather than relying on the moral goodwill of an ex partner makes them money grabbing, selfish or lazy.

So your DH pays 12% of his gross weekly income to support his child? Obviously and quite rightly your income is yours too, so you have 88% of his income (minus tax) plus 100% of yours? Doesn't sound like a bad deal to me...

Sorry you lost any reasonable argument when you said he'd have to leave his job to save your home. Unles CMS is taking all his wages and then some that is rubbish. Sounds like he's been underpaying for years under a family arrangement and now he is being made to pay what he is supposed to he is threatening to quit his job. Thats exactly why CMS exist.

CMS payments mean that the child's father pays for everything

Everything? On a nominal portion of their income?

Hilarious.

The father's family includes the non-resident child!
What % of take home income is your dp being asked to pay?
Are the resident dc his children? If so, did the two of you consider finances prior to planning a larger family? If not, does their father contribute? Do you work?
If the ex has lied and from your op it does sound like you are in a difficult position. But he should contribute to his child and my understanding is that cms isn't generally excessive and wouldn't even cover the costs of raising a child for most people on normal wage so not sure why you seem to be left so short. Is your rent massive? Can you downsize?

It never occured to me before to feel sympathy for the people who work at the cms but do now feel a lot of sympathy for the poor bastard who had to listen to OP crying down the phone that 12 percent of her husband's income is going to support his child. They must really see an awful side of life.

Ahah ahaha my God. You thought youde come on here and get a load of sympathy about a man that’s just paying what the Government says he should be paying? Bullshit about her lying about the other kids. If he’s registered as their Dad they would pick up on that. If she has lied about no of nights that’s wrong but it’s hardly that much difference!

CMS should take the amount paid from tax records with HMRC regardless of what his ex said. Regarding contact nights go to court n get a legimate record of acess days, if that's in dispute. Seek legal advice if nessisary

Was he paying less than legally required under the family arrangement?

Why does he allow his child to live with someone who is abusing drugs?

What statistics do you have on the many men who have killed themselves due to child maintenance payments?

Why are you crying down the phone when it is your partners child and payments for that child in question?

Why the hell is your DH not fighting his drug using ex for custody?

The CMS payment is the minimum. a sensible non resident parent would work out how much that was and even if they chose a family based arrange tn, they would do this on the basis of knowing the minimum payment.thye would also take this into account before choosing to have more children.

Sorry to cause such uproar. Maintenance is a very sensitive subject and I understand that for deadbeat fathers who do walk away from their children, CMS is the way to go. What I am saying is that when fathers clearly do pay for and see their children, women should seek a family arrangement where possible. It is an extremely difficult situation, we have been through family mediation, which she has refused to turn up to, she has been reported to social services multiple times, and they have only offered a ‘drop in’ which she is telephoned about beforehand and then hides all evidence. We have a lot of evidence including texts from her admitting to drug abuse in the house. We have never applied for custody because my Step child is usually with us the majority of the time so we didn’t see the need for a lengthy and expensive battle with the courts but perhaps that is now our option.and those of you saying how dare he have more children? This man provided a mortgage and loving home for his child and worked full time to support the child in question and whilst he was at work, his poor child was dumped on anyone who would have them while she had a full blown affair. He didn’t ‘walk out’ he had no choice but to leave and since then he has been a loving and doting father. But why shouldn’t he be allowed to move on with his life and make a new family? A family in which his previous child is wholly included. I am the one that does homework, school runs ect for the child but because we don’t have a court order to prove this, my husband’s ex will now get more money than we could ever imagine spending on our two children, and wouldn’t want to without them being spoilt. We will now be better off with my husband unemployed and claiming benefits! This government needs to rethink things. All I’m saying is look at other people’s situations, it’s not all black and white with separated parents, not all dads are shit and don’t want to pay for their children and women always seem to win regardless. It isn’t fair that my children are being made to suffer. We have a tribunal court hearing now in regards to the incorrect information supplied, so we can only hope we get somewhere.

Go on then, how much was he paying under their private agreement? How much is he now paying through CMS? Why can’t you survive on 80% of his wage and how will you be better off to lose 100% of it when he quits? Why don’t you work ft if you can’t feed your own kids?

Maintenance for 0ne child is 12% of salary. Not dismissing all you say that still leaves you with the other 88%. I can assure you that most resident parents spend a hell of a lot more than 12% of income on their child.

Don’t be ridiculous. The CMS is there to make sure (supposedly - ha freaking ha) that fathers pay towards their own children’s upbringing. And it’s necessary because a significant proportion of men who father children don’t think that they should pay the legal minimum, or anything at all. I hope you have legal advice on your situation but fuck off with the ‘women who go to the CMS are evil, money-grabbing bitches’ line. Save your ire for the fuckwit men who abandon their families and make the CMS necessary.