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Original poster

no longer pregnant, abusve ex pursuing me/harassing via solicitor

233 replies

buzzpop · 07/04/2016 22:47

Please see my other thread on relationships 'please help me make sense of this' been through hell with ex, Emotionally abusive, bullying and very very controlling. Was pregnant, no longer am. He does not believe me, wants proof and continues to harass, police are involved too. My post below, WA suggested to post here in legal, Any thoughts reply welcome. I do not what to give him proof s this may put me at further risk from him, and also I know I do not have to legally, but I don't know what he will do next...

A letter from solicitor came via email today, no doubt he is blind copied, and exactly seven days just as he said in his last threatening emails.
I am shocked this family solicitors is proceeding as they are copied into my response to his threats stating he is continuing to harrass me and all further communication will be given to the Police.
It basically repeats what he has said in emails, that I 'allege to no longer be pregnant' , that this has come as a shock to their client because despite difficulties in the relationship with me, he was very happy at the news that he was to become a father, and to assist him in accepting that he is no longer to be a Father, please provide some documentary evidence from the hospital or your doctor to confirm you are no longer pregnant. Once our client has sight of this, he confirms he will not contact you again.
Understandably our client needs to be sure that the information you have provided is correct, as f you are having his child, he is keen to be fully involved both in the pregnancy and to be fully involved with his child following the birth.
We hope you will understand the position our client finds himself him and your cooperation would be appreciated.

I'm livid, torn between

  • reporting it to Police as evidence of further harassment and letting solicitors know (though they already know this from prior emails that he CEO them into and I responded to stating it was ongoing harassment and would be forwarded to police)
  • completely ignoring, not responding at all ... But I do not know what he will do after that....

The Police are being rubbish, still haven't arrested or done anything at all to him despite three separate reports and statements, I have to do a three hour round trip at the weekend to give in all my evidence to an officer who frankly, sounds like he sympathizes, and I didn't get good vibes off when I said I was no longer pregnant as a result of what has gone on... Originally I didn't want him arrested, but I do now. I've had enough, I want him out of my life and I want him to know he doesn't get to do this to women.

OP posts:
bibliomania · 18/04/2016 13:22

Bloody hell, that doesn't sound logical at all. It's not harassment because you kept reiterating that he should leave you alone? We're on the legal thread, so maybe someone will be able to say if that's an accurate interpretation of the law by the police, but it sounds perverse to me.

Sorry also about the legal fees.

Gives some idea of the shitstorm you would have been dealing with for the next decade and a half if you did actually have a child with him.

Fourormore · 18/04/2016 16:25

There was an interesting piece on This Morning about stalking today if you can get that on catch up. Not sure you've been told right.

Haffdonga · 18/04/2016 17:43

The thing on This Morning may have been related to Lily Allen as she has recently gone public about her ordeal with a stalker. It sounds as if the police can't quite get to grips with how to use the anti harassment legislation to protect people.

(Buzz, I don't want to suggest your harasser is anything like Lily Allen's stalker but thank goodness you are nipping him it in the bud quickly rather than waiting the 7 years LA has been sruggling. I'm wondering if the current raised awareness around due to her case could be in your favour if you start rattling their cage to get some action? )

article

Fourormore · 18/04/2016 17:45

It was prompted by Lily Allen, yes. They said several times that the police aren't always properly following the legislation.

LisaMed · 18/04/2016 18:25

Can you speak to someone in the domestic abuse section? They may be more clued up. Good luck

Original poster
buzzpop · 18/04/2016 18:56

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 10:43

Yesterday I received a call from midwife to say he has called the hospital asking for information about me /the pregnancy. Because he has managed to get info before, and because of the ea they had an alert on my file so didn't give him any information whether I was/wasn't still pregnant etc. She said he got nasty with them and said he was entitled legally and started spouting his 'rights'.
Have re-reported it to Police on their advice as indirect harassment, midwife said she was happy for them to contact her.
Was really upsetting, feel violated. I actually hate him

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 22/04/2016 10:56
Sad

So glad the hospital and midwife was alert and switched on to what was happening. That's just shocking. I hope the police do something.

What a horrible man.

As if you didn't already have this confirmed in your mind, you've definitely done the right thing.

bibliomania · 22/04/2016 10:59

You poor thing, buzz, this is a never-ending nightmare. Glad the hospital where on top of things.

So what's the situation - he still hasn't had the evidence that you're not pregnant, is that right?

aginghippy · 22/04/2016 11:43

That's horrible buzzpop Angry

Have the police given him the harassment warning?

Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 11:45

That's right, I haven't given him any evidence nor responded to the solicitor email.
The doctor rung yesterday re the blood results and there is still pregnancy hormone in any case, so am back there Monday.
He was supposed to have been issued harassment warning letter by police this week, I haven't heard whether they have done this or not. I've been messed about by a solicitor that promised world last Friday, then this week didn't get back in to up with me, after rang for legal aid calculations and to supposedly be in court the next day, this happened twice.
Rang the local women's aid in frustration, and the victim support worker (from the marac) is trying to get me more legal support. What is infuriating though, is they quoted £150-200 per month pot etiology while it was going on....he knows I don't have that kind of money and I'm so angry that we will have to go without, to keep him away and to feel safe. How can this be right??

OP posts:
bibliomania · 22/04/2016 12:00

It's pretty shocking. Hope the police have or at least will now do the harassment letter.

prettybird · 22/04/2016 12:24

I'm sure the 2nd set of bloods will do the trick.

Not sure about the detail of the end of your pregnancy, but if there are any "retained products" (not sure what the nicer term they use nowadays is Blush),that may be what is causing the continued presence of pregnancy hormones. Sad

If so, you may need a further operation to remove them. Your abusive ex, if he gets wind of this, may accuse you of having an abortion not that it's any if his business even if you were - so continue to work with your solicitor/Women'Aid/the police to ensure that you are protected from his abuse and ranting.

Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 13:15

He has just emailed AGAIN with weird stuff never previously mentioned, clearly clustching at straws with anything to get me to respond. I'm going to ring his solicitors today and tell them that I view it as harassment and am reporting to police.

I still have yet to receive the credit card I had issued to you. Please also confirm that you are no longer going to keep the details of my card on file for future purchases.

I think it fair that you return the amount you cost me on the car insurance (£400) and the train tickets you purchased for your mother on said Amex card.

My bank details are:

OP posts:
aginghippy · 22/04/2016 13:22

Weird!

Why bother with the solicitor? Why not just report it to the police?

Didactylos · 22/04/2016 13:26

I remember your first thread OP and am so sorry about this situation
how dare he waste your time and put you in the situation where you are now going for unnecessary and invasive blood tests and having to rake up emotions over the end of the pregnancy repeatedly.

the hormone tests will show positive for a while after the end of a pregnancy, its not a simple on/off switch system, it takes a while for your hormones to be metabolised/broken down and return to pre pregnancy levels but the actual measured levels and their decline can be demonstrated to be incompatible with an on-going pregnancy

he is so digging himself a hole though - contacting the midwife and demanding to know about your medical records? Keep your diary of evidence, its very clear what he is doing and anyone

Didactylos · 22/04/2016 13:27

gods, cross posted with more harassment fuckery
keep quiet, keep strong and keep the evidence

LovelyFriend · 22/04/2016 13:32

tomorrow morning wipe your arse on the letter and post it back to him

Sorry not so helpful.

Keep reporting all contact to the police (if you are documenting for harassment) and otherwise completely block and ignore him.

YOU LIFE IS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!!

The card/insurance stuff is all simply desperate and bizarre. Ignore ignore ignore!

Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 14:39

I have reported to police and put a complaint in so it all gets reviewed.
I think it's really serious when he is trying to get medical records.
Forgot to say he cced his solicitors to last email again, that's why posted here

OP posts:
Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 14:39

I have reported to police and put a complaint in so it all gets reviewed.
I think it's really serious when he is trying to get medical records.
Forgot to say he cced his solicitors to last email again, that's why posted here

OP posts:
Original poster
buzzpop · 22/04/2016 14:39

I have reported to police and put a complaint in so it all gets reviewed.
I think it's really serious when he is trying to get medical records.
Forgot to say he cced his solicitors to last email again, that's why posted here

OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 22/04/2016 14:56

I'm so pleased that you can see his pathetic messages for what they are.
He is already setting up the next thing to harass you about.

wizzywig · 22/04/2016 15:30

God he doesnt stop does he. Jeez

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 22/04/2016 17:57

Gaahh!

You let somebody have a credit card (or you don't, say, if they're a pilfering housemate or owt), and then you'd rather they didn't have the card. So you CANCEL THE CARD! If you're a normal, functioning adult who's not desperate for a.n.angle to harass somebody.

Glad you see through it, OP.

As to the money he claims he owes you, well he'd better have proof (that it was a loan only, and that he's tried to pursue it before this harassment) or he can go spit. What next, expecting you to reimburse him for the baby things he bought? I would be saddened but not at all surprised if f that's his next email.

Unless there's a good legal reason for you to pay him back, don't feel obliged to do it. Certainly not from a "fairness" or moral standpoint.

Hope you're holding up OK.

bibliomania · 28/04/2016 11:39

You okay, OP? Thinking of you and I hope things have calmed down.