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Original poster

no longer pregnant, abusve ex pursuing me/harassing via solicitor

233 replies

buzzpop · 07/04/2016 22:47

Please see my other thread on relationships 'please help me make sense of this' been through hell with ex, Emotionally abusive, bullying and very very controlling. Was pregnant, no longer am. He does not believe me, wants proof and continues to harass, police are involved too. My post below, WA suggested to post here in legal, Any thoughts reply welcome. I do not what to give him proof s this may put me at further risk from him, and also I know I do not have to legally, but I don't know what he will do next...

A letter from solicitor came via email today, no doubt he is blind copied, and exactly seven days just as he said in his last threatening emails.
I am shocked this family solicitors is proceeding as they are copied into my response to his threats stating he is continuing to harrass me and all further communication will be given to the Police.
It basically repeats what he has said in emails, that I 'allege to no longer be pregnant' , that this has come as a shock to their client because despite difficulties in the relationship with me, he was very happy at the news that he was to become a father, and to assist him in accepting that he is no longer to be a Father, please provide some documentary evidence from the hospital or your doctor to confirm you are no longer pregnant. Once our client has sight of this, he confirms he will not contact you again.
Understandably our client needs to be sure that the information you have provided is correct, as f you are having his child, he is keen to be fully involved both in the pregnancy and to be fully involved with his child following the birth.
We hope you will understand the position our client finds himself him and your cooperation would be appreciated.

I'm livid, torn between

  • reporting it to Police as evidence of further harassment and letting solicitors know (though they already know this from prior emails that he CEO them into and I responded to stating it was ongoing harassment and would be forwarded to police)
  • completely ignoring, not responding at all ... But I do not know what he will do after that....

The Police are being rubbish, still haven't arrested or done anything at all to him despite three separate reports and statements, I have to do a three hour round trip at the weekend to give in all my evidence to an officer who frankly, sounds like he sympathizes, and I didn't get good vibes off when I said I was no longer pregnant as a result of what has gone on... Originally I didn't want him arrested, but I do now. I've had enough, I want him out of my life and I want him to know he doesn't get to do this to women.

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 21:55

Exactly.
He can't do anything to her legally until she gives birth to his baby. As that's not happening then he can't do anything to her.
The worst he can do it continue to send stupid pointless communications about a non existent pregnancy. It's op's choice whether she would rather put up with these letters or go through the indignity of sending proof of not being pregnant. If it were me I would ignore them but ultimately it's the op's choice.
There is nothing he can do to you, nothing.

flanjabelle · 10/04/2016 21:59

So sorry to hear you are still suffering at the hands of this monster. He is a cunt of the highest order and deserves to rot in hell.

Not a legal expert, so sorry if I shouldn't be posting, but I agree with Vince. I have had experience with arseholes like this and it just won't stop until you stop engaging. He hasn't got any rights, not now, not ever, and you are under no obligation to respond in any way. If you reply now it will prompt a barrage of questions about how the pregnancy ended. It won't stop here.

I really don't agree with the posters saying that a judge would not understand why you did not send proof. It would be easily explained if it came to it, but I can't see why the op would end up in court anyway as no child would exist for a custody battle.

Op I am so sorry for your loss and the pain of the last few months. It is all so very unfair and heartbreaking. Flowers

fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 22:05

So what would happen in October/November if he launches a children's act proceeding? Will op need to go to court?

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 22:07

There is nowhere in law where ANY person is entitled to evidence that you are NOT pregnant. His solicitor is chancing his/her arm. You have already stated that you are not pregnant. Any further contact is harassment! be it through his solicitor or directly!
I can't as a landlord demand to know whether my tenant is pregnant.

I can't as an employer demand to know through legal means whether a current or future employee is pregnant.
Stand your ground OP. Ignore his rants and legal letters and let him spend money willynilly sending you letter after letter.
Under law, a judge has NO grounds to order you to provide proof of your non-pregnancy, as there is no such provision.
The only place a judge has any say in this situation is in granting you a non-molestation order. If you have copies of all correspondence, police reports etc., they will grant you the non-molestation order.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 22:08

He will need the details of the child in order to apply/ and since there will be no name or date of birth he won't be able to apply...

donajimena · 10/04/2016 22:10

There have been many voices of reason on this thread and the last posts are absolutely spot on.. x

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 22:12

And if your only grounds for requesting the non-molestation order is this harassment to find out whether you are pregnant or not, I would advise a visit to your GP and a GP's letter confirming the stress you are under as a result of these solicitor's demands instigated by him.
I believe from your OP there is a backstory of abuse, so as you have some things documented with police, imo, you have fair grounds to seek a non-mol order as things stand.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 22:14

To be fair, if you are applying for a non mol then getting proof from the gp might be useful. But equally they may not grant the non mol on the basis that he asked for proof, and you have provided it, and if his solicitor promises he won't contact you again the judge won't grant the order and you would have to come back if he carried on. And he would have got what he wanted.
I wouldn't go after the non mol unless he steps the harassment up beyond letters.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 22:20

I again agree with Vince.

  1. Document how you are feeling (how his harrassment is affecting you) with your GP.
  2. Retain all solicitor's letters.
  3. Do not respond to him or his solicitor; forward all correspondence to the police.
  4. Do not worry about the idiot.
  5. Call 999 if you feel endangered remotely by him.
  6. Take extra precautionary measures than you usually would.
  7. Do not under any circumstances go to a GP to prove to him that you're not pregnant.
  8. Laugh at the idiot wasting his money.
donajimena · 10/04/2016 22:24

FFS she doesn't need to provide proof. Even if she was pregnant she wouldn't have to engage with him. If there was a baby at the end of it thats different. But there isn't. I can assure you 'proof' wouldn't shut this twat up.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 22:57

Clearly the 'law' sees it otherwise (as evidenced here).

I'm telling you, you owe him nothing, you can not be subpoenaed to go to court to prove your non-pregnancy.
He can wail all he likes. You ain't gotta listen.
Ignore the fucker.

Just ignore him. Give him a rope long enough and he sounds like an eejit who will hang himself.

THEN you go in for the kill and get the non-molestation order.

If it were me however, I would go to my GP tomorrow (or earliest appointment) and tell her how your exes behaviour/solicitor is stressing you.

A non-molestation order only protects you further that he can be arrested when in breach of it. It really depends on the time it takes for police to get to you though. If the fucker comes near your house, call 999 immediately and scream the house down.

Familylawsolicitor · 10/04/2016 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:10

OP only has to go to court in such circumstances and state that there is no child. End of saga.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 23:18

But a single line letter now, would mean she avoids the mental anguish & considerable expense (if she instructs counsel) in future of appearing in court.

It is entirely up to op what she feels she can cope with. I'd do the letter by a hcp not even my GP as someone suggested earlier.

Then the ex has no legal comeback whatsoever.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:21

She won't need to instruct counsel. She won't be on trial.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:23

FamilyLawSolicitor - what is the burden of proof for HIM to provide to a court that there IS a child?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 23:23

Why the hell would she need to instruct counsel for a non existent contact hearing?

There. Will. Be. No. Baby. Even if he does apply for contact (can't work out how, I've seen contact/arrangements order application forms and they all ask for child's name and date of birth) she need only respond pointing out that this baby doesn't exist.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 23:31

Vince, according to solicitors on this thread her ex could start proceedings when he thinks a baby would be born.

I've got no axe to grind here.

Personally I hate rocking up to court self representing, normal logic goes out of the window in court ime.

I do wonder how a proceeding in this particular circumstance would go. If op turned up on her own and said there was no baby, what then?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 23:33

Exactly
How could she prove she doesn't have a baby? It would be up to the court to decide whether they think she's lying. If she can produce evidence of emails to him telling him she's not pregnant from months before I think the mags would look unfavourably on the bloke who brought a frivolous suit in front of them.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:40

Either the judge throws it out of court or requests the complainant (ex) to provide proof of his assertion that there is a child.

Or - you could believe the lawyers on here who say that the judge will tell her that she needs to provide proof of no child. Lol.

The OP has nothing to worry about.

OP - I would visit your GP to seek help for the impact on your health of his harassment. I would then go to court (you can easily self-represent), seeking a non-molestation order. If the judge doesn't grant it, that's fine. If he chooses not to, then it's unlikely that he would grant it in any case. The ex is either putting you in danger or he's not. You do not need to have to provide ex with proof of your non-pregnancy for a non-molestation order. You also do not need proof of a conviction against him for a non-molestation order.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 23:46

A judge could ask her to disclose her medical records then, that sounds far more traumatic to me and not funny at all.

I'm inclined to listen to the legal people on here.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:47

fuzzywuzzy - why would a judge ask her to disclose her medical records?

fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 23:49

To prove there's no baby. If it goes to court just one persons word against another's is not going to be accepted.

OP, get proper legal advice. Because it looks to me like it could become really horrible for you if this continues & winds up in court.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:51

Fuzzywuzzy - a judge is not going to say to the OP:

'Prove to me that you're not pregnant. I've a man in court here who claims that you are pregnant and that he is the father of the child!'

Good God.

FelicityR313 · 10/04/2016 23:54

OP replies: 'Well I can take a pregnancy test here and now if you like?'. Will my ex and the court accept that?

Lol. Good Lord above.

The judge and the ex have no reason in law to request the OP to prove that she is NOT PREGNANT.