no longer pregnant, abusve ex pursuing me/harassing via solicitor

[buzzpop]

Please see my other thread on relationships 'please help me make sense of this' been through hell with ex, Emotionally abusive, bullying and very very controlling. Was pregnant, no longer am. He does not believe me, wants proof and continues to harass, police are involved too. My post below, WA suggested to post here in legal, Any thoughts reply welcome. I do not what to give him proof s this may put me at further risk from him, and also I know I do not have to legally, but I don't know what he will do next...

A letter from solicitor came via email today, no doubt he is blind copied, and exactly seven days just as he said in his last threatening emails.
I am shocked this family solicitors is proceeding as they are copied into my response to his threats stating he is continuing to harrass me and all further communication will be given to the Police.
It basically repeats what he has said in emails, that I 'allege to no longer be pregnant' , that this has come as a shock to their client because despite difficulties in the relationship with me, he was very happy at the news that he was to become a father, and to assist him in accepting that he is no longer to be a Father, please provide some documentary evidence from the hospital or your doctor to confirm you are no longer pregnant. Once our client has sight of this, he confirms he will not contact you again.
Understandably our client needs to be sure that the information you have provided is correct, as f you are having his child, he is keen to be fully involved both in the pregnancy and to be fully involved with his child following the birth.
We hope you will understand the position our client finds himself him and your cooperation would be appreciated.

I'm livid, torn between

• reporting it to Police as evidence of further harassment and letting solicitors know (though they already know this from prior emails that he CEO them into and I responded to stating it was ongoing harassment and would be forwarded to police)

• completely ignoring, not responding at all ... But I do not know what he will do after that....

The Police are being rubbish, still haven't arrested or done anything at all to him despite three separate reports and statements, I have to do a three hour round trip at the weekend to give in all my evidence to an officer who frankly, sounds like he sympathizes, and I didn't get good vibes off when I said I was no longer pregnant as a result of what has gone on... Originally I didn't want him arrested, but I do now. I've had enough, I want him out of my life and I want him to know he doesn't get to do this to women.

Felicity how do you know a judge won't say you have now this much time in which to provide proof that the pregnancy ended and no child exists?

The lawyers here are saying a judge could ask for proof.

OP needs to get legal advice to ensure she does not wind up in court facing her abuser and being forced by court to disclose her medical information at a future point in time.

It's easy saying this shouldn't happen and that it's ridiculous, but if there's a chance it could. I'd be avoiding it.

I don't understand why you're not listening to the legal experts on here. They've all said the same - give him a GP letter.

Felicity op's ex can bring proceedings when he believes the child is born.

He wouldn't be taking it to court until some time after he expected the baby to be born, so OP won't be having to prove she is not pregnant (as no-one would be expecting her to be at that point). She will be having to demonstrate that she has not recently had a baby. So her medical records might indeed become relevant.

The lawyers are saying no such thing.
What they're saying is that IF she goes for a non-molestation order, the judge may ask why she did not comply with his requests for proof of non-pregnancy.

The OP only has to say that she found the request unreasonable, intrusive and distressing.

The judge might NOT grant the non-molestation order (thereby concluding that the ex had a legitimate right to hound the OP after the break-up)

or

He/She might GRANT the non-molestation order on the grounds that the woman had split up with the ex, has no link to him, is no longer pregnant, owes him nothing by way of response and that any further contact by ex towards OP constitutes harassment and endangerment to the OP.

Felicity, a few have stated the ex can begin children act proceedings at the time he thinks the baby is born.

Moggy - the absence of any proof of a baby will be sufficient for the OP.

But there won't BE any baby! So he can bring any suit he likes lol!

And if he does op could end up having to disclose her medical records.

She will NOT have to disclose her medical records!

Fuzzy - I think you're pregnant with my baby. I want to take you to court to gain custody when the baby is born. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

CointreauVersial - I suspect the OP is not taking the legal advice on here because they are not talking sense.

As I've never been in a relationship with you and don't know you which I can prove that's not possible. You don't know my name to serve papers on me for such a case.

Had I been in a relationship with you, fallen pregnant to you, you could take me to court nine months from when my pregnancy started and I'd have to prove that I have either no child or the child I had was not yours.

This is not funny, op's life can be made really horrible culminating with a very traumatic court proceeding.

Op please go get sound legal advice. you don't want this becoming a huge mountain when it could be settled now with little effort.

Just lie back and think of England eh?

OP

I don't think you have to provide him with proof and I also see why under the circumstances having a gp qrite down in b+w that you are not pg would be distressing.

I also think that he has more interest in abusing you than in the pg and as such he will continue regardless.

However, I think the only way to get him to stop harrassing you is to get the law on your side so I might reluctantly go along with the legal advice on this thread

Not because he has a right to know
Not because he will stop if he does

But becausr he has stated in a document witnessed by a sol that he will stop.

Thus strengthening your case greatly when he inevitably does not.

In which case I would wait until you feel like responding be that days or weeks. Don't jump to his timetable there is nothing he can do and he knows it.

When you are ready get a letter and get gp or sol to add that this request and his harassment of you is causing you great distress. Now you have complied eith what you consider to be an unnecessary and unreasonable request you expect him as per his previous correspondence to have no further contact with you by any means. Any contact will be reported to the police.

Then when the stupid fucker inevitably does contact you, police, court etc. And keep pushing till they arrest him.

He has a pp says painted himself into a vorner by clearly indicating that any further contact on his part would be inappropriate.

I know it sticks in the craw. And normally I'd say tell him to go fuck himself but in this case he appears to have unwittingly given you the upper hand by binding himself to leave you alone

No!

The OP does not need to comply with any of his requests in order to prevent him from harassing her further!

MaryZ - if you read the legal advice, their reasoning for providing such evidence was in order to strengthen the OP's case in the event of the man continuing to harrass her.

My reasoning is that, the OP is not legally obliged to provide any such information. That it might weaken her case for harrassment is perhaps a valid one, but it really is open to legal interpretation.

In fact, the insinuation by him and his solicitor that 'if only she complies' with this one request is evidence of insidious harrassment.

I think the only one 'lolling' is yourself Maryz.

You are advising someone to ignore a solicitors' letter,

so what? a solicitor's letter doesn't have any special powers. it is a statement of his/her position/interpretation of the law put by one person on legal writing paper, having paid for the privilege

the advice to send the GP's letter may well be good legal advice on the face of it. but it is presuming he is a somewhat reasonable man who simply wants to know for definite whether his ex is still pregnant or not. we all know that isn't what is happening here. he is an obsessed controlling man who has the OP full square in his lights. he is probably unable to stop himself in fact. the OP's last post was excellent - she has lived though this. She knows him. She is perfectly clear that no letter from a GP will get him off her back and any engagement with him is going to make him more focused on her - not less.

If it does transpire that an application under the children act is made sometime after the possible birth date then the OP may well have to go to court. I think it would be unusual for a solicitor to make an application for an unknown baby, with no birth cert, no evidence of pregnancy, no evidence of birth, no sighting of the baby, not one person in the world who can attest to the baby's existence. But a solicitor might just take instructions and believe her client completely with no further inquiry.

In that case the OP may even have to produce evidence to a judge that she was never pregnant. In my opinion this will still be safer than producing the evidence to the ex in compliance with his demand now.

I am a solicitor by the way. I also have some experience of stalkers. They are different.

Even if OP wanted, how would she prove non pregnancy? Urine sample- the GP or nurse don't watch you pee, could be a friend's urine brought into the clinic. No GP or midwife will do a scan or blood test if the patient says she's not pregnant. The letter would be meaningless and ExBF would know this.

I agree with Canyouforgiveher.

OP - I really sympathise with you having to deal with such a fuckwit.

You owe him nothing. He can shout, roar, scream and send letter after letter. The more he sends, the stronger a case you have.

Ignore him.