no longer pregnant, abusve ex pursuing me/harassing via solicitor

[buzzpop]

Please see my other thread on relationships 'please help me make sense of this' been through hell with ex, Emotionally abusive, bullying and very very controlling. Was pregnant, no longer am. He does not believe me, wants proof and continues to harass, police are involved too. My post below, WA suggested to post here in legal, Any thoughts reply welcome. I do not what to give him proof s this may put me at further risk from him, and also I know I do not have to legally, but I don't know what he will do next...

A letter from solicitor came via email today, no doubt he is blind copied, and exactly seven days just as he said in his last threatening emails.
I am shocked this family solicitors is proceeding as they are copied into my response to his threats stating he is continuing to harrass me and all further communication will be given to the Police.
It basically repeats what he has said in emails, that I 'allege to no longer be pregnant' , that this has come as a shock to their client because despite difficulties in the relationship with me, he was very happy at the news that he was to become a father, and to assist him in accepting that he is no longer to be a Father, please provide some documentary evidence from the hospital or your doctor to confirm you are no longer pregnant. Once our client has sight of this, he confirms he will not contact you again.
Understandably our client needs to be sure that the information you have provided is correct, as f you are having his child, he is keen to be fully involved both in the pregnancy and to be fully involved with his child following the birth.
We hope you will understand the position our client finds himself him and your cooperation would be appreciated.

I'm livid, torn between

• reporting it to Police as evidence of further harassment and letting solicitors know (though they already know this from prior emails that he CEO them into and I responded to stating it was ongoing harassment and would be forwarded to police)

• completely ignoring, not responding at all ... But I do not know what he will do after that....

The Police are being rubbish, still haven't arrested or done anything at all to him despite three separate reports and statements, I have to do a three hour round trip at the weekend to give in all my evidence to an officer who frankly, sounds like he sympathizes, and I didn't get good vibes off when I said I was no longer pregnant as a result of what has gone on... Originally I didn't want him arrested, but I do now. I've had enough, I want him out of my life and I want him to know he doesn't get to do this to women.

I didn't think of that Northern
Of course if his personality is one of abusing just for the sake of it he can come up with anything to use against the op
Yes I can see he would then demand to know why she isn't pregnant and why wasn't he consulted blah blah more solicitors letters it will never end until you get the authorities onto him, if he's anything like my ex he won't take telling until the place tell,him
Op stand your ground tell the police that you are not pregnant and he is harassing you and you need protection you poor thing

The distinction is that he has no right to know how it came about so any further letters asking for additonal details can both be safely
Ignored and used as evidence in any harassment / non-mol claim as they are contrary to his clear indication that he would leave her alone after the initial confirmation.

He has no right to any information or 'proof' concerning the OP's body.
Tbh she may be safer if he thinks she is still pregnant but is lying to him about it.

It appears that only the professionals who have posted on this thread have offered solutions that give OP the best chance of getting the ex off her back and giving her the best chance of getting an injunction if he thereafter doesn't leave her alone.

If I were advising him, and he instructs me that he believes she may still be pregnant, I would be more than happy to prepare an application under the Children act for him.

OP's response to that application would of course be that the pregnancy did not go full term, but at that stage the court may well ask for proof. It may not. But the judge is simply going to wonder why the proof, a relatively simple matter of getting a one-line letter from the GP, was never supplied earlier. I don't think OP producing a print out of this thread is going to help her.

He has no right to information about OP's body. He has every right to information about the birth of his child, or the ending of the pregnancy.

It appears that only the professionals who have posted on this thread have offered solutions that give OP the best chance of getting the ex off her back and giving her the best chance of getting an injunction if he thereafter doesn't leave her alone.

If I were advising him, and he instructs me that he believes she may still be pregnant, I would be more than happy to prepare an application under the Children act for him.

OP's response to that application would of course be that the pregnancy did not go full term, but at that stage the court may well ask for proof. It may not. But the judge is simply going to wonder why the proof, a relatively simple matter of getting a one-line letter from the GP, was never supplied earlier. I don't think OP producing a print out of this thread is going to help her.

He has no right to information about OP's body. He has every right to information about the birth of his child, or the ending of the pregnancy.

How is the ending of the pregnancy anything he has a right to know about? It's a biological event in the op's body. It's nothing to do with him. The birth of a child would have been a different matter.

"How is the ending of the pregnancy anything he has a right to know about? It's a biological event in the op's body. It's nothing to do with him. The birth of a child would have been a different matter."

The manner of the ending of the pregnancy is not something he needs to know.

But the basic fact that it has ended is not the same as giving access to OP's medical information.

And I agree with those who say a basic response would be the best option here. Because it cuts off the only remaining avenue for him to have reasonable grounds to contact the OP (ie the wellbeing of his child, once born) if he knows there is no child.

He has every right to information about the birth of his child, or the ending of the pregnancy

Collaborate, how can you possibly say that he has a right to information about the ending of the pregnancy? In this country we follow the principles of bodily autonomy - pregnancy is a medical condition happening to a woman, the foetus is not a person until it is born. As such, the ending of a pregnancy is a medical event that happens to a woman.
As you must surely know, no legal proceedings can be issued until a child is physically born. You could take instruction from this man but there would be no application to make until a child is born, and legally begins to exist. Until that point you're referring to a theoretical person; a medical condition. Ridiculous to say that he had the right to know about the op's medical conditions.
He is welcome to make an application to the court for contact at the time when this theoretical baby would have been born; at that point, when invited to by the court, op can respond with the fact that no baby exists. Until then she can safely ignore.

As a layperson, I would be stubborn, fuming and stick to my guns. He has no right to know whether you are pregnant or not. Even if you were still pregnant, the baby might not be his. I'd see akin to a grand-parent -to-be demanding to know whether you were still pregnant or not. He's an ex. You're not together. You have told him you're no longer pregnant. Tell the solicitor that as previously stated, you have confirmed in writing that you are no longer pregnant and that you have no intention of wasting your time providing an ex who you feel harrassed by, with a 3rd party proof of a non-event. The just read any and all further correspondence and file under a file called "Muppet wastes money on solicitors letters - Teeheeheee".

Or - you could listen to the reasonable and measured professionals.....

How is she going to compel him to pay for a GP letter?

I'd even go so far as to say - yes - I'll go to the GP, but I would like £1000 compensation for time spent, undue upset, undue distress, inconvenience caused, undue medical intervention and reminders of painful and personal time in my life. In addition to the fee for the GP.
I would not bow to his stupid intrusive demands without a fight.

I think you could have great fun yourself if you engaged a solicitor of your own.

Actually, I'm becoming irrationally irate on your behalf OP lol.

So I even went so far as to google some nonsense which you can email in response to the solicitor in order to further irritate the ex.

"Not to be confused with negative evidence, which is where there is no evidence for something but there should be.
“”The very lack of evidence is thus treated as evidence; the absence of smoke proves that the fire is very carefully hidden.
—C.S. Lewis (in a glimpse of clarity)[1]

The argument from ignorance (or argumentum ad ignorantiam and negative proof) is a logical fallacy that claims the truth of a premise is based on the fact that it has not been proven false, or that a premise is false because it has not been proven true. This is often phrased as "absence of evidence is not evidence of absence".

If the only evidence for something's existence is a lack of evidence for it not existing, then the default position is one of mild skepticism and not credulity. This type of negative proof is common in proofs of God's existence or in pseudosciences where it is used as an attempt to shift the burden of proof onto the skeptic rather than the proponent of the idea. The burden of proof is on the individual proposing existence, not the one questioning existence"

Yes I'm sure she could have great fun engaging a solicitor. Who would bill her for the privilege. Expensive fun.

She could refuse to engage with the letter. As others have pointed out until there is a child he has no rights whatsoever. And obviously no right to any medical information. So yes she could stick to this principle. And he could get another letter sent, and another, and another and hound her daily, weekly etc. Which I'm guessing would be quite costly in terms of the OP's mental health.

Or she could write to solicitor saying GP will charge this - pay the bill and I'll provide the proof. Following that any more hassle and she gets a non-mol.

Cheap as chips and saves her emotional health.

But yeah everyone you all jump on your high horses and shout 'but he's got no rights hun' cos it's not you he's actually abusing is it. It's OP and she has to deal with it.

Once the OP knows he has no rights, she can quite simply read and giggle at his expensive ludicrous demands. He can take her to court to prove she has no child if he likes. That should be fun.

Judge: Do you have a child?
Op: No.
Judge: Can you prove it?
Op: No.
Judge: Ok.

Errrrrr he's emotionally abusive. You might feel able to sit back and giggle at each letter, phone call or conversation, but I imagine the OP feels anxious and terrified.

But how is she going to feel if she has to go to a GP and demand proof of her non pregnancy (under duress)? Do you think that will solve the problem?

He may then need proof if it were a miscarriage or termination. He is showing his true colours by hassling you when you have no relationship with him.

wizzywig - he has no right to any proof of anything!

If I thought 'proving ' there is no pregnancy would make him back off then I would encourage it. But it won't. This is a controlling and abusive man. When he has proof about the pregnancy he will just become more angry, wanting to know how it happened because that's how he can continue to control the scenario.

Sigh. Read what the solicitors have posted. Proving she is not pregnant means any subsequent contact from him gets her an easy non-mol. Currently she is not in a position to do that, so he can continue to abuse her. Daily, weekly, monthly.

Very big difference between us solicitors on here and others. The letter the solicitor sent is lawful and perfectly okay, I am afraid. The solution is a quick trip to the GP to get him to confirm she is not pregnant. I don't see the problem. They have said that will be the end of the matter. There is no legal obligation to reply but if there is a baby still in there which the father thinks is so then he will be incurring costs once the baby is born to get contact etc so what is the problem killing this issue stone dead by emailing the solicitors the GP's confirmation? The fact it might cost £10 is neither here nor there.

His solicitors have not put a foot wrong with that letter.

Currently she is in a position to do so. The solicitors are speculating that a judge will refuse her application. Speculating being the operative word.

Obviously, the OP can do what she likes. She can go, ask the GP for a letter, send it off stating that she is not pregnant, then apply for a non molestation order (this is still going to involve a court appearance on her part) for any further contact from him. But, why should she have to? She doesn't have to. My advice (again as a layperson) is to ignore him and his letters.

Eustace & Other Solicitors.

While you may see your proposed solution as the preferred option or the path of least resistance, you do not know how demoralising, distressing, intrusive, invasive and unjust your 'logical' proposal is.

Going to court and instructing solicitors is not 'fun' or worthy of a 'giggle.' Do you really think a judge would ever say 'ok' in the scenario you are depicting? They wipe the floor with you as soon as look at you if they think you are being awkward for the sake of it.

I think many posters are feeling angry on op's behalf but some of he advice is stupid and potentially harmful to the op.

Look, I have acknowledged that I am not a legal professional and that I am giving my opinion as a layperson.
The OP should be able to argue in court that the demands placed on her by her ex are unreasonable and the cause of immense personal distress.
If a judge favours fathers, he'll probably order her to comply with the exes demands.
If a judge can see through the 'loyal responsible father-to-be bs', he'll probably grant the non-mol order.

I am sure the OP is grateful for the real legal opinion on thread, so I'll wind my layman's neck in