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Original poster

Upset that daughter isn't invited to wedding. Talk me down, please!

454 replies

hippygirllucky · 03/05/2023 03:08

I can't sleep and need help getting my emotions in check. I am very close withy cousin, who is soon getting married. I had kids quite young and will be the only person at the wedding with a baby (who is also still breastfed so I can't just leave her at home) and pretty much the only person my cousin knows with a baby. I've had a message tonight, one month before the wedding saying they can't have my daughter there because the venue doesn't allow kids for "capacity reasons". I've checked the venue website, it says kids very welcome and under 5s will be catered for for free. She wouldn't need a seat, she'd be in my arms.

I know it's his wedding and absolutely his choice but I am still hurt. Decided not to message back until I got my emotions in check (I don't want to sound like crazy kid-obsessed mother!). I guess I'm just really disappointed because I was really looking forward to the wedding and I'm a bit sad that we're now going to be excluded just because we have a child. Everyone we might be able to leave her with will be there at the wedding, so we wouldn't have childcare and DH and I have agreed that we just won't go.

Because I'm still so upset, I just can't get my head right to write him a response that doesn't sound butt-hurt (a plain and simple short message won't do either because he'll know I'm upset and my little family being the only family to be excluded just because we have a child!). Could you please help me draft a response that doesn't sound butt hurt but still sounds familiar? But something that also sounds like our decision is final (he's going to be very very upset at us choosing not to come). Thanks in advance.

(P.s just to say, I am 100% not against child free weddings, I totally understand why people feel that way, I just wish he hadn't lied and this is my first time being excluded from a family event because I have a child and I am struggling to balance me immediate emotional response with my more rational understanding of the situation!)

OP posts:
Tinnedsausageandbeans · 03/05/2023 12:55

I’ve had this exact situation!

Same relative relationship - cousin - and I had a new baby - was pregnant when the invite came. They wanted a child free wedding because they didn’t want noise in the chapel where they were to be married. I will also add it was a wedding hundreds of miles from home including 2 nights stay

I declined their invite due to it being child free and also I didn’t want to leave my new baby for 2 nights

Bride was slightly over the top and told me ‘as a result of you wanting to bring x, now we have to allow grooms cousin to also bring her baby’ - she was an insane bridezilla to be fair

I offered to sit out of the chapel so DD wouldn’t make any noise but she was insistent we were in there

In the end it was all fine - DD was a super quiet well behaved baby, not a peep from her all day

I agree with others though - I’d decline and see what comes back. Either way - if you’re not able to leave your baby, then it’s a no brainer

Scottishskifun · 03/05/2023 12:55

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/05/2023 10:59

@Roadtrippingroundgreece

yep, this!

weddings are not about babies! They are about the bride and groom.

Honestly can two adults not have one bloody day in their lives where their wishes/preferences are respected?!

Show quote history

The baby was invited then suddenly not would be very different if it was clear from the offset!

OP decline the invite ignore the pestering if they start their choice to change their minds but also yours too!

friendlycat · 03/05/2023 12:56

AutumnCrow · 03/05/2023 12:53

I can't see it in her posts.

Show quote history

Some people have looked at her other posts where she mentions the age of her child. Agree this is a toddler not a small baby.

Mooshamoo · 03/05/2023 12:56

I think is op is being totally ridiculous. First of all she is being a ridiculously precious mother, seeing it as a personal attack against her own precious child.

When the groom is probably thinking about hundreds of people.

I wouldn't want children at my wedding. The same as I wouldn't want children at my 21st birthday. Children are just not meant to be in some places

Get over it OP. It is you that sounds ridiculous. Not him.

limitedperiodonly · 03/05/2023 12:57

Do children scream non-stop at weddings? Are they more of a problem than people who have too much to drink or someone (usually over-refreshed) who decides to revive a feud they had one Christmas years ago?

Clementinesucks · 03/05/2023 12:59

I’m so confused - are we talking about a baby or a toddler? If it’s the latter you are being unreasonable OP. If it’s the former a simple “oh that’s a shame as we won’t be able to come but I completely understand. Have a lovely day.”

Sugarfree23 · 03/05/2023 12:59

friendlycat · 03/05/2023 12:56

Some people have looked at her other posts where she mentions the age of her child. Agree this is a toddler not a small baby.

Show quote history

Yes and it might also be her brothers wedding rather than a cousin going by other threads.

This thread hasn't gone the way she expected. So I doubt she'll be back.

I can see why she is upset at the invite getting withdrawn at the last minute. Because that is very unfair.

AutumnCrow · 03/05/2023 13:00

friendlycat · 03/05/2023 12:56

Some people have looked at her other posts where she mentions the age of her child. Agree this is a toddler not a small baby.

Show quote history

In her OP she says she had 'kids' (plural) quite young, so she could have an 18 month old and a newborn baby?

Neopolitan · 03/05/2023 13:01

limitedperiodonly · 03/05/2023 12:57

Do children scream non-stop at weddings? Are they more of a problem than people who have too much to drink or someone (usually over-refreshed) who decides to revive a feud they had one Christmas years ago?

So that justifies it, does it? Adults are adults. Even if they muck up, they don't tend to dance in the isle or shout out during the vows like children do. Both can be a problem, but a wedding is for adults. Weddings are serious, solemn occasions, and no one wants their wedding ruined by a crying newborn or a struggling shouting toddler. It's a wedding. Not a local park BBQ.

GCWorkNightmare · 03/05/2023 13:01

SheilaFentiman · 03/05/2023 12:50

Who has said that OP’s DD is 18 months old?

OP has said on other recent threads that her child is 16 months old. She was contemplating having a second child recently too, so confirms the “toddler” is in fact the “babe in arms”.

Strawberrydelight78 · 03/05/2023 13:01

I don't see what the issue is with babies at weddings. My daughter was two weeks old at my brother's. I was bridesmaid she had a place next to her daddy in her pram. People took lot's of pictures of her and fussed over her. I think it's more about they think baby will be centre of attention not them. Than the baby interrupting the wedding crying. She slept most the time and was absolutely fine. When I mentioned to him about her not going he made light of it and said she made me an uncle why wouldn't I want her there to show her off to everyone? A family friend looked after her at the evening do.

Sugarfree23 · 03/05/2023 13:02

I think she's tried to fudge the detail with the kids comment. Her other threads only mention her first born now toddler.
Unless their are step kids involved.

Mooshamoo · 03/05/2023 13:03

I bet most people on here wouldn't want children at their wedding. If you let everyone bring their children it would be fifty - one hundred children in one place.

It's not a soft play day. It's a wedding where people want their friends there.

GCWorkNightmare · 03/05/2023 13:03

Sugarfree23 · 03/05/2023 12:59

Yes and it might also be her brothers wedding rather than a cousin going by other threads.

This thread hasn't gone the way she expected. So I doubt she'll be back.

I can see why she is upset at the invite getting withdrawn at the last minute. Because that is very unfair.

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That was happening the day of the Government alert. I wonder whether the “baby”’s attendance at that wedding was something to do with their removal from this one. 🤔

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/05/2023 13:07

limitedperiodonly · 03/05/2023 12:51

Do you think that? I think things like that are good and it's wise to remember that you can't control everything even you have paid for it because other people are not extras in the video of your life.

Sometimes they add something to the occasion, as I explained about the man scurrying past in our wedding photos and Diana mixing up Charles's names. It didn't spoil it. Definitely not for us and as for Diana, well there were quite a lot things on her mind that day.

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@limitedperiodonly

come off it, a screaming baby during the vows doesn’t in any way, shape or form “add to the occasion” however you wanna dress it up!

Sammyandtheboocas · 03/05/2023 13:08

I've seen enough babies inadvertently, and toddlers / small children deliberately, spoil wedding ceremonies.

Children can be attention seeking little shits with over indulgent parents at the wedding reception if they really must, but it's unfair for them to try and steal the limelight during the ceremony. It's neither cute or funny, despite what you may think as that kids parent.

ShandaLear · 03/05/2023 13:09

Daffodilsandtuplips · 03/05/2023 11:47

Guilt trip them. I wouldn’t want to go anyway after them lying about the reason to exclude your baby. But I’d give them pause to think about how their actions affect other people.
” Dear cousin, that’s disappointing, we were so looking forward to your wedding and sharing your special day. We’ve got our outfits all sorted too. (Just hope we can get refunds on them and the hotel ).
Have a wonderful day.”.

No, you’d sound pathetic and passive aggressive.

Sugarfree23 · 03/05/2023 13:10

GCWorkNightmare · 03/05/2023 13:03

That was happening the day of the Government alert. I wonder whether the “baby”’s attendance at that wedding was something to do with their removal from this one. 🤔

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Now that would make sense that something has triggered the change of heart.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 03/05/2023 13:16

CraftyIrishMamma · 03/05/2023 10:16

Lol at “classy wedding”. You poor deluded soul. 😂

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Lol classy weddings mostly have children . She sounds so much fun … not 🙄

CraftyIrishMamma · 03/05/2023 13:21

Mooshamoo · 03/05/2023 13:03

I bet most people on here wouldn't want children at their wedding. If you let everyone bring their children it would be fifty - one hundred children in one place.

It's not a soft play day. It's a wedding where people want their friends there.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a child free wedding here in Ireland. 🤔

Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 03/05/2023 13:22

Sammyandtheboocas · 03/05/2023 13:08

I've seen enough babies inadvertently, and toddlers / small children deliberately, spoil wedding ceremonies.

Children can be attention seeking little shits with over indulgent parents at the wedding reception if they really must, but it's unfair for them to try and steal the limelight during the ceremony. It's neither cute or funny, despite what you may think as that kids parent.

I've been to several weddings with lots of kids and not once seen a kid come even close to spoiling a wedding. I've seen plenty of adults get drunk and act like total twats though...

rwalker · 03/05/2023 13:22

They quite simply don’t want kids , lied to pacify you
the fact you you researched the venue shows some level of entitlement to be outraged you can’t have your own way

Mooshamoo · 03/05/2023 13:23

CraftyIrishMamma · 03/05/2023 13:21

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a child free wedding here in Ireland. 🤔

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I'm also in Ireland. I was at two child-free weddings here in Ireland last year.

Swellinyewing · 03/05/2023 13:26

AutumnCrow · 03/05/2023 13:00

In her OP she says she had 'kids' (plural) quite young, so she could have an 18 month old and a newborn baby?

Show quote history

A newborn who is "STILL being breastfed"..I doubt it. Also OP thinking of having another so definitely not.

Mooshamoo · 03/05/2023 13:27

I think that some parents are ridiculous about their own children. They think that everything is a deep personal insult against their child, when I can guarantee you that nobody is thinking of your child that much.

I was just thinking of one example. I stayed at a friend's house recently. She invited me. She asked me to sleep on the couch.

Next morning she was really angry at me. I had slept in till 9.30.

She was really angry at me because she said by me sleeping in, I had apparently stopped her child from being able to get into the living room to use her toys.

She saw it as I had deeply meant to hurt her child, and had deeply offended her child.

I wasnt even thinking about her child. I simply had slept in a little bit later because I was tired.

Some mother's be abosulutely crazy

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