September/October IVF

[WineWinner]

Hey,

I've had my appointment through finally to start my first round of IVF. Our consultation is September and hoping if we start on CD21 (no idea if we will, just what I'm presuming from research) then we will be good to start just after the middle of the month. Anyone else the tentatively waiting for a September start?

This was round 2 for us too - I keep thinking that if this pregnancy doesn’t work out I can’t imagine how i would deal with that and go back for a third round now. We did pay for a 3 cycle package so in theory we have one more try if we need it, plus 2 Frosties in storage but I’m not sure I could handle another round emotionally now. Hats off to you @Trying2bemum for sticking with it - it’s not easy!

Eurgh... feeling so exhausted. Bad nights sleep last night ahead of my scan today. Just got back. So it’s measuring up small at the moment. They have me down as 6 weeks 3 days but we already think it was late at implanting hence why I had the two blood tests. Late implantation would put me back a couple of days. I’m measuring at 6 weeks. She thought she could see the start of a heartbeat but I need to go back in a weeks time for another scan to see what’s going on and if it’s developed more. Feeling very deflated x

That sounds bds reasonable @Peanut1980 - if you implanted a day or two later then the measurements are surely fine? What date did you have your transfer? I thought we were the same day but I’m only 6 + 1 today.

Sorry to hear it wasn't as reassuring as you'd hoped @peanut1980, I imagine that's very stressful. 6.5 weeks is still super early to be scanning (my clinic don't do a viability scan until 8 weeks for example) and particularly if you implanted late, lack of clear heartbeat could be completely expected at this stage. Keeping things crossed all is well.

Thanks ladies. I think I had the transfer on 7th October. It’s all such a blur 🙈 I did say to the clinic when they booked it that it will be early but they didn’t think that would be a problem. I wish they’d have waited later. It’s frustrating as could have been some upset for nothing if they would have just done it at 7 weeks like they said they would. 8 weeks would have been even better @pinkfootedgoose. So anyway, because I’m an idiot I’ve booked myself in for a private scan somewhere else on Tuesday of next week to see if there’s any progress by then and I’m being really naughty by not telling my husband. He just won’t understand and will want me to wait until Friday x

@Peanut1980 - you are two days ahead of me then, my ET was on the 9th. My clinic also scan very early - it’s always 2weeks after OTD (which will be 6+4 for me on Monday.

I haven’t cried today but I feel very close to it. It’s just not been the easiest ride. I wish I had a strong positive test and then I wished for a strong hcg reading and had to do a 2nd. I would just be so sad to get to the next scan to find it’s gone. I know that’s what happens and I have to accept that. Just right now I’m finding it hard to be positive. I just need to have a word with myself... oh here come the tears 😭😭😭

Ah @Peanut1980 sending good thoughts. I've cried over a lot less. IVF takes so much of the joy out of early pregnancy, dialled up anxiety, with everything feeling on such shaky foundations. It's so, so hard. Really really hoping you get some good news on the next scan xx

Thank you @pinkfootedgoose. Its a tough journey for everyone. I have so much to be thankful for as know others have had a tougher ride. I’ll try and get my positive pants on x

@Peanut1980 - I really feel for you - the fear that the pregnancy isn’t developing properly is very real and constant. If they could see a heartbeat and you’re measuring at 6 weeks I’m sure the missing couple of days would be explained by your late implantation - iirc your embryo hadnt fully expanded when it was transferred so it probably just took an extra couple of days to get going 😊 I really hope you get s9me good news at your next scan to set your mind at rest xxx

You're not an idiot at all peanut love. This is all incredibly stressful and hard. You're doing the best you can. I'm sure it'll all be fine x x x

Sorry to hear you are stressed @peanut1980. The stress never seems to end does it, regardless of getting a positive test?! There's aways a new worry; another hurdle to overcome in this anxious journey.

I am really not enjoying this tww. I have had some af style cramps this evening and am thinking this is all over for me. Another crap failed cycle. Last time I started spotting 7dp5dt or 12 dpo (taking o day to be egg collection - yes I know they are not the same but that's what I put into the fertility friend app...!), which will be tomorrow, so we shall see.

I looked up some research papers online - just to torture myself further, as you do - and apparently the chance of pregnancy with my situation of 5 day morula transfer is around 2.7%, so highly unlikely, even with the extra chance of 2 embryos. I know there are plenty of stories of women out there who got pregnant and it worked out all OK for them....but really they are the extremely lucky minority and not the much more common silent majority. Even if there were a hundred positive stories...imagine how many people there are on the web, on the message boards....it's nothing.

Sorry, I am all full of doom and gloom tonight. I just want this over with now. I am tired of waiting for my heart to be broken again.

`My poor slow embryos. :-( I so wanted them to stick. I don't want to think yet about what I'll do to move forward if this doesn't work out....it's too much effort and too many huge decisions need to be made....

Lopey I really feel for you. Those thoughts and feelings are the hardest I've ever had to face and have you questioning your life's purpose and make your future seem very bleak. I completely understand you wanting to protect your heart and not get your hopes up - but it might help to get through this to say to yourself "I accept the outcome either way" and not rule yourself out.
If it's another negative you will find a way to deal with it - I know how hard it is - two failed cycles have broken me and I could well be facing another - but time really does heal and who knows what's around the corner for us. Stay strong and hold your head high. Get yourself outside this weekend in the fresh air, chat to a good friend, and take very good care of yourself x x x x x x

@Lopeylopez - don’t give up yet. I had a very strong feeling that AF was coming days 4 and 5 after my transfer. Completely lost all hope and posted a really down message here. AF never showed...

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your support. My problem is that I don't talk to anyone about this, I am so isolated....so it eats me up inside. I did have one counselling session after the last failed cycle and before this one, which I literally (embarrassingly) cried all the way through...and there was a student trainee person in there as well.....!! Ouch. I'm not sure if it helped but I was going to book another but was unable to get one in half term to fit in with work. So I haven't been back. I probably should though. I am feeling bleak already and not even found out this time yet...

Good advice about getting out in the fresh air @trying2bemum....I would love to and I probably will but another downer at the moment is the masses of work I still have to do before we go back to school on Monday...piles of depressing marking that has to be done before I see classes again. I hate marking with a vengeance, as do all teachers. You get back ache from sitting int he miserable slumped position for hours trying to get it done through gritted teeth. But I will make sure I take a break and go for a walk at some point.

Thank you again for your kind words. Many hugs xxx

Thanks ladies. It’s a tough journey and you feel so helpless in something that you feel should just come naturally. I feel this won’t end well for us. The little symptoms I had seem to have gone and I just don’t feel pregnant anymore. When the tears started yesterday it’s been hard for them to stop. I feel so fragile right now.

@lopeylopez it’s so hard not to google everything. I’m sorry you’re feeling down too. I really hope your cramps are baby related and not AF. Good luck my lovely.

@Peanut1980 I hope you have a better day today. Maybe POAS for some reassurance? I do that when I start to have doubts and worries and seeing the dark line come up instantly reassures me (even though I know that at this point it would realistically take days or weeks for the live to fade but I still find it calming)

@Lopeylopez I hope you’re feeling better too. When will you be testing? The main reason I thought for many days that this cycle had failed was because of the lack of symptoms and sensations compared to my last cycle - all I felt was like AF was coming. Turned out that was a symptom so hang on in there and keep believing 😊

Thanks @crittertamer. I’m not in a good place today. I’m annoyed with myself for indulging in researching baby names, installing pregnancy apps on my phone and buying pregnancy books. I open a draw in my bathroom and see all the positive pregnancy tests and multivitamins. I’d been thinking about pregnancy announcements and was looking forward to sharing some good news with my family this Christmas after losing my uncle last Christmas. I know this Christmas will be so hard for my Dad but some news on a pregnancy would have made him so happy. I’ve just got a million things running through my mind and I don’t know what to think. My little bean is still in there. The thought of losing it. Ahh I can’t bear to think about it. Hubby and I had a massive row last night while he was steaming drunk and he’s still sleeping it off on the sofa. Just need to get out the house with my boy and try distract myself. Sorry for such a negative post.

Thanks @Peanut1980 I am hoping work will distract me for these last few days. Thinking of banning myself from all google searches....after all, what will be will be. Hope you're feeling stronger today.

@CritterTamer I am thinking of testing on Monday if I make it that far without bleeding - last time I did not. That would be longer than my usual luteal phase length although OTD is not til Friday but that seems ages away! Trouble is because of the progesterone I may not bleed even if I'm not pregnant.....it's like with the symptoms: at times I feel I have a wealth of pregnancy symptoms, but of course I have because I am dosing myself up daily with progesterone, the hormone of early pregnancy! Realistically there's really no point in symptom spotting after IVF because of all the drugs.

I could just wait it out til Friday but let's see - not sure if I can wait but at the same time I hate hate hate with a vengeance seeing the stark white negatives - especially after all this trouble and cost - so I think I'd rather see blood than one of those.

Best wishes to all others currently struggling through the tww! X

@Peanut1980 sorry crossed post....yes, get out of the house. Best thing to do. Good luck x

Sorry everyone is feeling down today. My resting heart rate is down a beat today on my Fitbit and I've managed to convince myself that between that and not having any sickness yet that something must be wrong. Going to get out for a long walk today and stop googling. Have another two weeks to wait for my scan and it feels tortuous. Have agreed with DH to stop taking tests because it seems to make me obsess even more. I find weekends worse for overthinking things as have a bit more time to stew on all the things which could go wrong. I always thought once I got to this point I would relax a bit.

@LopeyLopez keeping everything crossed for you. I also thought AF was coming - I got cramps that felt exactly like period cramps, although I haven't actually had bad period pain since I was much younger so in retrospect maybe it was a symptom. I was so convinced it hadn't worked, I felt extremely low and upset for the whole of the second week. Chances are small but many stranger things have happened in this world xx

PS @LopeyLopez absolutely hear you on the fear of pregnancy tests. Having never had a bfp in my life until a couple of weeks ago would always rather find out about a bfn from a bleed than one of those stupid white sticks.

@Peanut1980 sorry you had a row with your DH - no wonder you feel so down. I hope you guys can sort it out today - I’m sure he’ll feel awful abou5 it when he gets over his hangover! I hope you have a lovely day with your son 😊 scratch my earlier suggestion about POASing- I did one this morning for the first time in about 5 days and got a much fainter line. Had a total panic attack and just been googling and apparently it’s completely normal for this to happen after 5/6 weeks when HCG gets too high for the tests to handle (the hook effect) I still feel really rough too and have had no cramping or bleeding so going to trust that all is ok until my scan on Monday. I definitely won’t be peeing on any more sticks though!

@Lopeylopez yes Friday seems a long way off! I know exactly what you mean about rather waiting for AF to arrive than seeing the BFN - I felt exactly the same. If you bled early last time I think the chances are good that the progesterone won’t hold off AF again this time so as long as she doesn’t show you are still in with a good chance 🤞 I think the progesterone pessaries will only hold AF off if you naturally have quite a low progesterone level. Ladies who naturally produce a lot of progesterone will bleed when the corpus luteal dies just as in a normal cycle because despite the pessaries, the progesterone drop is so large that AF will be triggered anyway.

Well my update report is that despite hideous period pain - getting stronger and stronger this evening, including lots of stabbing and burning sensations - no spotting at all. Not a jot. AF officially due tomorrow. I am almost getting a little excited, but trying not to let myself. I always spot before AF. I know the drugs change things, but....here's hoping.

@pinkfootedgoose like you I rarely get bad period pain. In fact my ovulation pain is much worse, but that only lasts an hour or so. My periods are pretty pain free with at most a low down dragging, dull sort of pain on the first day of bleeding only. So this is different. Fingers crossed....

Either it is cramping associated with implantation (a bit late though at 12 dpo...?) or I am about to experience the mother of all periods from tomorrow, due to my system being messed around by all the meds....

@lopeylopez that’s a really good sign. I have everything crossed for you 🤞🤞🤞

Hubby and I had a chat yesterday. He was quite surprised to see he defeated I felt already as I’m not typically like that. I had a lot more cramps yesterday so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. With my son I had my nausea in the evening and last night I felt sick although I’m not sure whether that’s down to eating a picnic egg that had been in my car all day 🙈 It did pass come 19:00. I’m not religious but I’ve felt so close to going to church!

I’m sorry for my wobble yesterday and being so negative. I know it’s a tough journey for everyone and negativity breeds negativity. I hope everyone has a good day today.

So what’s coming up next week? Egg transfers? OTD’s?

D x