Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

I have only one thing to say to you "Alice" and that is fuck off and peddle your stories about miracle clinics elsewhere. Presumably this is more thinly veiled advertising for your clinic? I have reported your post.

Alice has posted a story about a different couple on nearly every recent thread in infertility. There must be something in the water round her way making all her friends infertile! I suspect she's in the Ukraine too best to stay clear

Isn't she pregnant on a different thread alice?

Just bugger off. You're putting people off the clinic whose name must not be mentioned with this pathetic advertising.

Alice fuck off. This is one of the most sensitive forums on mumsnet and these constant invasions simply guarantee that not one woman on here would ever consider the corrupt Ukranian clinic. All these posts do is identify how corrupt and non pc the clinic is.

I haven't used the Gateway message boards because, as others have said signing up is a faff plus I don't want to use my main google id (as my name is unique and I like a bit of anonymity) and can't be arsed to set up another one. I have, however, signed up to the meetups and have met some wonderful women in them - www.meetup.com/Gateway-Women/ - it's free and there are loads around the country.

Alice do sod off.

how is everyone guys?
We're all slightly worse having had to read the shite you've posted.

Well, I'm here to share a friend story.
None of us wish to hear poor advertising disguised as a "friend" story. Even if it was a friend story, we don't want to hear it as it is totally irrelevant to our own situations.

Now please fuck off and don't ever come back here.

It's hard to find a good middle ground bigger. Hope taking a break helps you find some peace. Also wishing you luck on whatever stage of treatment you're at.

Wishing you well too bigger. Thanks for all the support, kindness and understanding you've given us all on this thread. I hope you're ok.

Bigger, I'll be sorry to see you go (be it permanently or temporarily) you've been a wealth of good advice and kind words of wisdom.

Wishing you all the luck in the world

Massive virtual hug bigger I'll miss you but hope a break does you good x

Oh bigger, I will miss you , hope you are ok and taking the the time that you need. You are of great support here and I hope the break does you well. You are amazing xx

Will miss you bigger take care and thank you.

How is everyone today? Wee question for you. If you were me (awful thought I know) where would you go for private consultation. I'm probably somewhere between Edinburgh and Newcastle. Nhs treatment was Royal ed so not there. Glasgow? Dundee? Newcastle? Any thoughts?

Hey fourpaws. I don't know your region at all but I had a friend from another group who lived in your part of the world. She went for a private consultation in London, after evaluating a whole raft of clinics. Would that be possible? I have found that in my city, it's often the same consultants who work in both NHS and private clinics so hard to get a truly independent opinion. Another friend who is near Newcastle did a couple of Skype consultations with clinics abroad.

It sounds to me that your clinic is dismissing your chances. I'm sure I've come across at least one other person who has had a similar experience at your clinic, but I couldn't find the thread when doing a quick search. Good luck, I do think a second opinion will open up more options for you.

I'm not sure why I was looking at this thread however I just wanted to say that I'm not sure that there is an answer to infertility and how difficult it is. I managed 7 years of treatments, failed pregnancies ( hate the m word) however it definitely took its toll. I'm not sure unless you are in the midst of trying to get pg that other people fully understand the horror that is you're daily life. Everything goes around cycles, visits treatments and its almost as if normal life goes on hold sometimes for years. Hats off to you ladies ( any guys) going through this, it really is a difficult time. Often with no positive outcome just changed expectations. I wish you all well.

fourpaws would you consider treatment abroad? I know I bang on about them, but Serum Clinic are amazing. You can arrange a free phone consultation with the director Penny. She is so lovely and helpful.

I really feel you've been written off far too quickly by your clinic. I was in such a similar position and Serum gave me hope when I pretty much had none left.

bigger wishing you only the very best - will be thinking of you and DH

fourpaws have you had any recurrent miscarriage investigations? If I recall you've conceived naturally several times, but miscarried each pregnancy - simply chalking these losses up to duff eggs is a pretty lazy option, unless all investigations have been done and no other possible cause has been found. Jumping to donor is a massive step - and if you have a miscarriage rather than an infertility issue, then going to donor isn't any more likely to solve your problem, if there's an underlying issue with the uterine environment. However if there is an underlying issue, then treating this could mean you could conceive and carry with your own eggs (and potentially conceive naturally given if I remember rightly you have conceived naturally several times)?

No recurrent miscarriage tests other than the standard nhs ones. The consultant said because she and the other consultant were satisfied it was an egg quality issue a donor would resolve the miscarriage issue as it was my eggs causing the problem.

Ok, please don't laugh. I'm a total country bumpkin. Edinburgh scares me. However I have spent the last hour reading about serum in Athens and looking at London. Can people like me do that? I don't even have a passport. I have never driven on a motorway. I need to drive half an hour to get a pint of milk. Imagine rural and multiply it that's where I live. Nearest neighbours five miles away.

So maybe I should rephrase my first post. If I could go anywhere anywhere where should I go?

I don't think I worded that very well.

I had not thought about London or abroad, because of where I live. I'm now looking at those and thinking scary but totally possible maybe?

I think the only way someone like me could decide where to go is with help from people like you!! I feel really stupid. I was like Athens? I can't go there. Then I started reading and thought why can't I?

Totally agree with banana that your consults is just being lazy blaming egg quality for your miscarriages. I'm actually quite appalled that they would tell a woman who IS conceiving that donor eggs are her only option. How are they satisfied it's an egg quality issue when they've done nothing more than the bog standards tests? Everything that they've told you stinks quite frankly.

Of course it is possible for you to go to London, or Athens or indeed anywhere else you want to go I know it's terrifying, but I think it would be a great shame to limit your options in the belief you can't travel. In my own case I chose Serum because I can't afford treatment in this country and they were the clinic that impressed me most when I contacted them. It was a gut feeling that I felt I needed to act on. Of course it may be that somewhere completely different will call to you and that's fine You can do it though. Once you open your mind up to the possibility (which you already are) you'll be amazed at what you can achieve. Just PM me if you want any practical advice. I'm very happy to help.

Hi fourpaws,
Ohers on here are far wiser than me with regards to recurrent miscarriage investigations and I can't really advise on that although I've heard the Coventry recurrent miscarriage clinic is THE place to go.

I did just want to comment on this though: Can people like me do that? I think yes, absolutely people like you can do that. If you're strong enough to have been through the shit you've been through to "qualify" to join this thread and have survived, then you certainly would be able to go to London, elsewhere or abroad for investigation/treatment should you wish to as that's nothing compared to what you've already survived.

fourpaws if you've already travelled a small distance for ivf it really isn't that much of a leap to go further afield, just requires a bit more organising.

Does anyone else just feel like they want to howl at the unfairness of it all sometimes? I just met an old friend who never wanted kids who is now upduffed having changed her mind at 40. She once told me she would never consider ivf if it didn't work out for them as it was a step too far. I just feel like we have tried so massively fucking hard for so fucking long and people who aren't even that bothered are getting it for free
Argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!